By Andrew - 23/10/2012 19:12 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate, and I gave her a condom to put on me. She tried to open it with her teeth, but ripped it. That was my only condom. I'm now sitting here watching a soap opera with a boner. FML
I agree, your life sucks 36 465
You deserved it 11 446

Same thing different taste

Top comments

LiterOfCola 16

I'd say ask her for a ******** but...


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JurassicHole 5

1 - I appreciate your honesty, +1 thumbs up from me.

fylx100 19

I thumbed him up when his original comment just said "Sucks." because I thought it was a pun. As in, ask for a bj. I guess not. Lol

Is this a mod prank? Like that thing on the sirinz website, where they changed "I don't get it" into "I don't get it, but then again I do have the iq of a glass of water. Wee-woo!"

SirEBC 7

What are you talking about?! Mods don't do that!

@1 This comment made me laugh, it's a lot better than the usual stupid topcomments like: "LOL THAT SUCKS" , "FYL" or something like that. Thumb up from me.

thatKidzmOm 10

I'm assuming the mod gods got him. :)

91- I put something similar to your comment and now it's gone! Careful, everyone, big brother is watching! O.O

LiterOfCola 16

I saw 1's original comment. I believe it read "Shitty."

OH C'MON! Two replies, both get deleted by the mods?!?! Bastards!

dominic1221 6

1, your comment doesn't suck. However, the girl owes the guy at least a bj for ruining the sex and forcing you to watch soap operas!

gmc_blossom 21

176- Nothing wrong with actually spelling things right either.

If your comment sucks why put one up? Were you in that big of a rush to get the first comment?

Do I detect any editing from the mods on 1's comment...?

Lol it's funny that no one in this thread got 1's joke..

If she ripped the condom with her teeth a bj could be asking for trouble.

Some of us did get it and others didnt. Thumbs up from me 1

LiterOfCola 16

I'd say ask her for a ******** but...

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Or maybe they just don't like doing oral, 31. I know, people have different tastes! Shocking, isn't it?

I bet if they did oral she would rip his dick with her teeth too.

LiterOfCola 16

51's comment is what my comment was implying

31: your comment has 69 thumbs down. I find this amusing.

Just cause youre having sex doesn't mean the handies have to stop.. Better than blue balled watchin' soaps.

I'd ask her for a ********. And if she said no. I'd just pull it out and have fun with my hand.

That's why you're always supposed to have a back-up! You could have just ran to the store and bought more. Or I can think of a few other things you two could have done to eachother!

Couldn't you have just gone and bought more instead of sitting there watching tv?

Go get more and pick up the pill while they're at it. Condoms suck.

"Its hard to shop for condoms with a.. Boner!" ♪

33 - you do that and when you have genital warts and the clap you too can have your own FML!

My girlfriend is on the pill and I can tell you that it is 100% better. And it's less chance of pregnancy. But if you're not in a monogamous relationship don't do it obviously.

Forgive me if I'm wrong and switching what I think are facts around, but isnt it condoms are 99% effective (if used correctly/they don't rip/etc) and the pill is only like 75-90% effective?

204 the pill is 99.9% effective. Condoms are 96-97%. Ignore the thumbs down. They don't mean I'm wrong. I am 100% sure that I am correct.

Both of those rates are if used correctly.

The pills are only affective if taken correctly. That means taking them at the same time, everyday. Maybe you should do a little research to compare condoms to birth control pills.

219, Read my comment above you before you criticize me. I know how to use the pill. Well, I know how a WOMAN should use the pill. And yes I know that if used CORRECTLY the pill is 99-99.9% effective. While condoms, IF USED CORRECTLY are 96-97% effective. Against PREGNANCY.

219 - he did say 'if used correctly'. They always used to say condoms were better than the pill (pregnancy-wise not std-wise) in health class because of that very reason. 'Oh, but not everyone takes it correctly.' I always thought it was the dumbest thing ever. 'Um, well if you're not taking it correctly then you're not properly on the pill are you? Don't blame a pill because YOU can't take it at the right time.' The pill is perfectly around 99% effective (supposedly anyways - pills vary) but OBVIOUSLY that only applies if you actually follow the rules instead of sticking 5 in and thinking that'll do you for the next week or whatever people do...

Beaten. Seriously though, I really cannot comprehend why people even bother to point out 'but only if taken correctly'. If you can't follow the instructions properly then you probably shouldn't be on the pill. It's like saying 'condoms are 96% percent effective' (or whatever the number is) and someone saying 'oh, but that's only IF you wear them on your **** and not your hand'. WELL NO S***.

"If used correctly" is put in there because not all women take it at the EXACT same time of day. If you happen to be in the shower or driving or whatever when that magical time hits, are you telling me you'd drop everything for the pill?

I think it's generally accepted that 'the same time each day' does not have to be the same precise second. I'd say within about an hour is fine, though obviously, as close as possible is best. I think the official guidance for the one I'm on atm is within 3 hours. The one I was on before was about 6 hours. Still, even if you DID have to take it at the exact same time each day then, yes, I would make sure I did so because if I'm going to rely on something as birth control, I'm not going to muck around and takey chances. It's not really that difficult, you just plan to take them at a convenient time. Most people I know have an alarm set on their phone for when they wake up, at lunchtime, or before they go to bed, whichever is easiest/more convenient. If I couldn't promise myself that I couldn't take it at around the same time each day then I wouldn't use the pill, because what would be the point?

fucking_dev 2

221 is right ..... I guarantee more guys will **** up by putting a condom on rather than a girl swallowing a pill everyday .. girls seem to be good at swallowing things ....

And I guarantee more girls say they're taking the pill when they aren't than guys who say they have a condom on and don't. At least with a guy their's physical proof.

231. You have lost the argument. The pill is more effective. FACT. Good night.

232, I was no longer continuing an argument. But you are a bit of an ass. FACT. Good night.

ViviMage 38

219 - that's a mini pill, or progesterone only, that has to be taken the same time each day to be effective. Combination birth control pills can be taken any time of the day and still work. Even if you skip a pill (though not recommended).

I have two relatives who were on the pill and took them correctly everyday no problem. Both eventually got pregnant. The pill eventually stops working or your body gets too used to it and needs a stronger one.

232 what about bad things? Like aids and etc? How can the pill prevent that?

273 - He already stated that he was suggesting using them ONLY if OP was in a strong, monogamous relationship. True, there's always the risk of someone cheating but you kind of have to trust your partner when in a serious relationship. You can't be super paranoid through the whole relationship or, if you wanted to, you'd never be able to start a family (not naturally anyway).

Are we talking birth control or STD prevention? The pill is way more effective than condoms as birth control. Condoms are way more effective than nothing as birth control. But condoms beat everything in terms of STD prevention. Except female condoms - they protect even more (and are in the news - new designs coming they have a ribbed version for the guy's pleasure?)

crazy4books23 13

What kind of person doesn't have several condoms in case stuff like this happens

People who are very, very poorly prepared.

78 - they had a condom. They're prepared more than many others. ;)

What kind of person can't get a handjob or *******? Sex isn't the only thing to pleasure yourself

101 - They should have prepared many condoms, some lube, and an independant mobile power supply. Then, and only then, do you have all the materials for sex. :P

She obviously doesn't know anything about condoms though otherwise she would've known not opening the condom wrapper with your teeth is like #1 rule. She probably would've put it on inside out too.

SmallBean 12

The kind of people who have to resort to using saran wrap?

You have a girlfriend? Definitely FYL then. For sure.

HanaFML 10

And I bet this is why YOUR single..

114- And I see that YOU'RE not good at grammar.

This is sarcasm. I understand that it's hard to recognize over the Internet, but I tried to make it as obvious as possible. The exact point is, OP wants people to think his life sucks, but he has a girlfriend, which is GOOD. I don't see how this persons life sucks in any way at all, given what he has posted.

145 is right. I mean, although it's great, sex isn't everything. If OP is basing his relationship on how much sex he gets, I'd say it's more of an **** Her Life for having a sex craved doucher

80skid 15

I'm probably going to get shit for this but.... *you're

jvmateo 0

Nothing...ABSOLUTELY nothing at all.

BeforeItWasCool 12

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Don't know about you, but I don't care how clean someone is. I'm not sticking my penis in anyone's pooper.

The sperm doesn't just say "**** this shit, I'm going south" and move down towards the ******, 37. It gets there by accident, not by design.

37 is a prime example of what America's sex Ed system can do to children.

Uh, what the heck? You do realize the anus and the ****** are two separate tracts, right? They're not connected. Unless the man pulled out of the anus and ejaculated, the sperm could not enter the ******.

So you didn't mean to say your entire post? Just say it with me, "Sorry guys I'm a fail"

Actually if sperm goes into the rectum, you can get more diseases that way too, and you can get life threatening infections.

Anal hurts. I have a perfectly good ******, dammit!

Someone either didn't use enough lube, or you're probably not comfortable enough with the idea to relax enough to relax your sphincter, which will help to insure it is pain free and enjoyable. If its painful, something is wrong. Despite what many people think, anal should not be painful if done correctly.

nancyschmancy 9

Spoken like a pitcher and not a catcher!

guess who's missing out! any hole's a goal!

Vaginal sex hurts sometimes...and that's what a ****** is for! My bung hole has only one purpose, and that is to provide an exit for my shit. It's not an entrance for a flesh rod.

I'm genuinely wondering why I was buried. Can someone tell me?

nancyschmancy 9

Sammy, you were buried because you did not conform. You Rock!

I always have a boner when I watch a soap opera. That's normal, right?

UncleMuscles 5

I couldn't imagine watching them any other way.

flockz 19

Yes, completely. i feel like one of the Young and the Restless everytime it happens to me. Although, last time i popped one in front of All My Children, but i told them that it was ok to act Bold and Beautiful, but i was admitted to a General Hospital anyway. boners during soap operas.... just normal Days of Our Lives.

Damn you mods for limiting our ability to thumb up comments like flockz's once. Damn you.

Have you seen the Mexican ones (Novelas) dang all the women smoking hot I swear.. You'll have a boner by the opening credits.

KeannaLove 32

#54- Best comment I've seen on this site in a long time. If I could repeatedly thumb you up, I would!

agonydrum 7

12, I hate your profile picture

This why when all else fails, there's always your hand. Sad but true.

SystemofaBlink41 27

Why sad?? Who knows you better than your hand?