Today, after eighteen years of living with my adoptive parents, I met my biological mum for the first time. She's a forty year old, 300lb American woman who wears 'Twilight' t-shirts and will be spending the rest of her visit to the UK trying to find Robert Pattinson. She says I remind her of herself. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my mom dropped me off at a friend's house. Upon leaving, my friend's mom said how much I looked like my mother. My mother then replied, "That's funny, she was adopted." This was the first I'd heard of this. FML
Today, my mom told me that she had great news: we were going to meet my biological parents. I didn't know I was adopted. FML
Today, I met my biological parents for the first time, 29 years into my life. They turned out to be two of the most pathetic people I have ever met, and the meeting ended after they asked me to lend them money because I "literally owe them my life." FML
Today, I met my biological mother for the first time. She stole my wallet. FML
Today, I met this girl who's perfect. Turns out, since I'm adopted, she might be my sister. FML
Today, after years of not speaking with my birth mother, I took a chance and stopped to talk to her when I saw her outside of her house. Five minutes into it, I knew I needed my hair recolored and that I'm out of shape, this all being said by a totally gray haired fat woman. FML
Today, when I was unpacking all of my stuff, my parents declared that they are going to live in Australia, and have found me a 'friend'. I am a 14 year old girl at boarding school, and my friend is my new foster mum. FML
Today, I met my biological mother for the first time. I also found out from her husband that she has her nipples and nether regions pierced. FML
Today, my mother, who is 75 years-old, just told me and my sister that we were adopted. I'm 45 years-old and my sister is 49. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's entire extended family at a party. All of them, including his dad, said I looked exactly like his mum. FML
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Top comments
amrik 11
if I were you I would thank her for putting me up for adoption
nate_msm 0
it's neither op's mum ate it
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Comments (273)
badbe 0
Wonder why she gave you up then, eh?
Flutist 3
Her father was not a vampire.
Zakirsd_fml 5
She couldn't find the right wine to eat her with?
Takador 3
*Britsh accent* Silly Americans with their greasy food!
Mauskau 36
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Clearly you don't know how British people speak. Try watching some British TV, hunt YouTube for The Inbetweeners(better than soaps as soaps are stereotypical)
wikkedphuka 0
all i can say is this comment is mean as *** ughh u need ur klit chopped off
MiuDiorLouboutin 0
Canadian, eh?
Flutist 3
I understand the comment might have seemed mean, but it does kind of make you wonder why the Op's mom gave her up all those years ago? Oh, well, no skin off my back. "All I can say is this comment is mean as ****. Ugh, you need to have your clit chopped off."
officeradvil 8
the real FML is that OP is American.
amrik 11
if I were you I would thank her for putting me up for adoption
lmfao_shame 9
amen to that.
exotramp 5
hahaha WIN!!
carnage1108 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
if I were her I would probably kill my mom and then myself to rid the world of that disgrace.
niki74_fml 0
lol so true!!
DelPiero10 0
true that
goodevilgenius 5
No kidding. Really dodged a bullet on that one.
spasticsam717 9
what has this world come to...
devileyekill 0
yes I read all of that!
BellBungle 2
Yeah, I also read all of that!
DropDead77 11
I did too!
btnhdude 0
i didn't. maybe I did. what the **** did you guys read?!?!
btnhdude 0
ooooh you guys read twilight no I didn't read that shit
iamtwiggyme 0
39 yes, if the entirety of Twilight is written on her bathroom mirror.
btnhdude 0
ooh I see your name should be "iamwittyme" instead
ishmail2000 4
I read it too. And I have something clever to go in your box........ (Sorry, too easy!)
HayleyTheFish 0
nice! and I read it all too xD
HayleyTheFish 0
#61 legend! xD
Pokeemon 3
you must be mighty sexy then
krazygirl100 9
smosh rocks
rattusrattus 19
Ouch, OP. On the other hand, you do have another set of parents who are hopefully less embarressing, unlike most children of Twilight obsessed mothers...
Skelanimal15 0
thats definatly a plus...bc when the OP described her... THE HORROR!!!!!
killdozer1 2
So is twilight only popular/ hated in America?
360XBOXFTW 0
lol stupid americans
mexicotoucher 7
Why do you think she's that big? She keeps watching twilight over and over.
maxac_fml 0
At least she's not a Glee fan
emmanizzer 6
i looooove Glee! But it's still not as good as Supernatural :)
dolphingirl46559 1
ok im not fat and i like twilight...like a huuuuuuge fan...and im also a gleek...gleeks r dangerous
Becca456123 0
So your not chubby, but your a "huuuuuuge" fan? ;p
NaoPudding 8
I feel so bad for you OP. But hey, look on the bright side. At least your biological mother isn't the one that raised you.
bunnixbrutality 5
bright side. no but it dose sparkle;)
HugoBosss_fml 0
Half empty or Half full?