Miscellaneous: Today, I met my biological parents for the first time, 29 years...

By LocallyBrewed - 27/02/2015 04:11 - United States

Today, I met my biological parents for the first time, 29 years into my life. They turned out to be two of the most pathetic people I have ever met, and the meeting ended after they asked me to lend them money because I "literally owe them my life." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 686

You deserved it 2 677

Miscellaneous

Batman

Stealth attack

Sing me to sleep

By SonofMnemosyne - 19/11/2018 07:30 - United States

Today, I have been on the toilet all day due to chocolate laxatives from trick-or-treating. Today, it is my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 485

You deserved it 289

By whathef???? - 13/02/2010 06:51 - Canada

Today, my husband and I were role playing to keep our marriage alive. His character was a deranged stalker while I was the helpless girl. My neighbor thought I was really being chased so she called the cops. Once they came we explained the whole story and got a fine for disturbing the peace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 730

You deserved it 7 808

By OTZ - 26/01/2010 11:30 - France

Today, I went on a date with the hottest guy I've ever met. He is also rich and successful, and would probably be perfect for me, if only he could stop bragging about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 964

You deserved it 14 054

By Anonymous - 18/08/2009 04:38 - United States

Today, I asked my friends what NNAS was code for. They have been using this for about a month. After bothering one of them for a few hours, he finally told me. NNAS stands for Nataly Needs A Shower. I'm Nataly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 471

You deserved it 52 137

By DrugsRX - 17/10/2012 22:58 - United States - Winder

Today, for the second day in a row, I was constantly abused, yelled at, insulted, and berated by my wife for "endangering our child's life." I took her to the doctor for a vaccination and flu shot yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 091

You deserved it 3 858

By Anonymous - 06/09/2018 14:30

Today, I and several housemates have food poisoning. From what? Last night's Subway, which we only got to avoid eating the pork that was possibly bad as none of us wanted to be sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 502

You deserved it 252

By VidyaGameCollector - 03/05/2019 20:00 - Canada - Port Colborne

Today, because money is a little tight, I decided to sell one of my retro video game consoles. The family member that initially gave me it to me saw the ad on Facebook and demanded I give it back to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 900

You deserved it 757

By lone_ranger - 25/09/2009 11:13 - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend I have only one testicle. Her reaction? "Eeew, balls are gross!" I'm glad to know I'm only half as gross as other guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 309

You deserved it 3 454

By emisara93 - 15/11/2016 00:38 - United States

Today, I found out that the insurance that my husband signed us up with for next year doesn't cover any of our doctors. Now we need to find 4 different doctors who take our insurance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 937

You deserved it 846

By Brokeandangry - 06/08/2018 21:13

Today, I bought my kids new mattresses for their new beds. Within 24 hours my son did a cannon ball onto his sister's bed to prove that it wouldn't break. The box spring snapped in half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 669

You deserved it 290

By ihateseagulls - 07/04/2011 23:28 - United States

Today, while at the beach, my little sister thought it would be cute to feed a small seagull some of her food. Minutes later a flock of seagulls swarmed and attacked me and my sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 600

You deserved it 4 100

By Posty - 18/05/2009 18:38 - United Kingdom

Today, on the way to work, I pulled over at a postbox to post a letter. I walked up to the box with the letter in one hand, car key in the other. Guess which one I posted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 522

You deserved it 26 675

By maybe if i was paid like them i would - 14/08/2015 22:42 - United States - Houston

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I had any kinks, so I told him all about them. He was actually mad because I didn't have the same 'sexy kinks' the girls in porn have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 261

You deserved it 2 562

By Anonymous - 29/07/2019 22:00 - United States

Today, I had a rubber band around my wrist for too long, and it ended up leaving faint red marks around my wrist. My mom saw them, thought they were scars, and is now convinced I'm a cutter, "like the ones I've seen on the news," and won't believe my story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 546

You deserved it 221

By confused_girl - 01/08/2013 05:10 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 249

You deserved it 5 017

By Anonymous - 18/06/2013 23:22 - United States - Glastonbury

Today, my daughter believed that watching the Big Bang Theory would count as studying for her chemistry final. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 744

You deserved it 7 129

By dogmom - 16/07/2012 20:51 - United States - Honolulu

Today, my boyfriend picked me up and spun me around like they do in the movies, but not before grimacing, taking a deep breath, and muttering "one, two, three... and... uuuppp!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 104

You deserved it 5 729

By shitbucketsfilledwithshit - 08/10/2015 16:04 - United States - Spring

Today, while walking home after a night of partying, I saw a thin, bald person in a suit looking at me from across the street. I got flashbacks to the Slender Man, screamed like a little bitch and ran. Then I realized I'd just humiliated myself in front of some random guy waiting for a bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 760

You deserved it 18 846

By Anonymous - 02/08/2013 21:34 - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, at work, I felt a sudden, all-too-familiar pain in my stomach. I ran for the restroom, but before I could get there, I shat myself. I had to limp the rest of the way, then beg my boss to let me go home. He said no and told me to get back to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 918

You deserved it 5 371

By Anonymous - 29/03/2009 19:08 - United States

Today, I went to Walgreen's for a tub of Vaseline. The old guy at the counter looked at me, winked, and said, "Not having too much luck with the ladies, eh?" He was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 009

You deserved it 13 949

By Anonymous - 09/05/2009 14:45 - Norway

Today, my 3 year old kid wanted to do something nice. I told him he could pick up some of his toys. He washed my new Iphone instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 871

You deserved it 7 509

By Tempted to hide a fish under the floor - 22/09/2018 05:30 - United States - Fairbanks

Today, I marked 3 weeks since meeting my crazy new landlady. Apparently I can't use the dishwasher because "there's no soap", can't bring the trash cans into the garage to keep the bears from getting it, and have to sweep before the cleaning service comes because "it's not their job". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 697

You deserved it 209

By ljennette25 - 23/09/2016 04:51 - United States - Princeton

Today, I started a new job as a school bus driver. I was sent on the hardest route in the area, and not 5 minutes in I came across a broke down truck in the middle of the road. I was stuck behind him for over an hour with a bus full of elementary school kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 210

You deserved it 872

By lyinginbed - 04/06/2016 19:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking through a field with my boyfriend and he picked me some pretty flowers. I hugged him and leant in to sniff them. In doing so, I inhaled a bee up my nose and had to force it out my swollen nostril after it had stung me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 253

You deserved it 1 163

By Geezum Crow - 06/12/2018 17:30

Today, I found out my school's financial aid had a "misunderstanding" of my finances, I can no longer afford to pay half of my bills or pay for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 648

You deserved it 153

By tiptoesjohnson - 19/01/2012 23:26

Today, I attempted to cheat on a test by writing some notes on my hand. During the test I had a question. I raised my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 451

You deserved it 83 067

By SlickMcK - 05/06/2010 21:14 - United States

Today, my mother asked me if I'd heard of anal sex. Before I could fully process her question, she explained that it's dangerous because the tissues of the anus are finer and more susceptible to STDs. There were still forty minutes left in our car ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 377

You deserved it 4 326

NFL 2020

By boredbymyself - 17/09/2020 14:01 - United States

Today, it was the first game of 2020 Notre Dame football. My boyfriend’s family are huge fans and were upset because they weren’t doing well. When I left to get snacks for everyone, Notre Dame finally started playing better. I’ve been sent to the kitchen until further notice, because apparently I’m “bad luck”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 086

You deserved it 162

By sdauner - 01/03/2010 21:55 - United States

Today, I found a $100 bill on the ground and was thinking, "I'm so lucky!!" I opened my wallet to find that $300 was missing. I looked back and saw some guy picking up $300. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 156

You deserved it 7 064

By GuitarChick42 - 04/04/2009 18:15 - United States

Today, I thought I heard my little sister playing on my brand new grand piano. Angry, I ran downstairs to stop her. My parents were having sex. On my piano. FML

I agree, your life sucks 320 523

You deserved it 22 877

By thatwasembarrassing - 04/09/2018 15:00

Today, at a dinner I'd been planning for months with my fiancé to talk to our families about the wedding for the first time, he told me he didn't want to get married. I cried in front of both of our families and a dozen of strangers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 172

You deserved it 405

By Anonymous - 06/09/2015 05:38 - Canada - Surrey

Today, the girl I've gone on two dates with showed up at my house with several boxes of her stuff, expecting to move in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 676

You deserved it 2 587

By Anonymous - 29/07/2011 07:24 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex, and it was my first time being on top. I got so into it that when I went to put my hands on the wall for support, the shelf above my bed snapped, with my favorite little cactus falling onto his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 557

You deserved it 10 666

By Anonymous - 26/05/2012 00:15 - United States

Today, my eight-year-old son thought that if he swallowed soap, his farts would smell like soap. The smell of vomit and diarrhea now permeating my house is proof of how wrong he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 192

You deserved it 2 714

Hush

By bitchyhiccups - 19/03/2012 13:14 - United States - Tempe

Today, I got a horrible case of the hiccups while at my friend's mother's funeral, resulting in me squeaking loudly every five seconds during the eulogy. My friend glared daggers at me until I left the room, then later accused me of being an insensitive bitch for "trying to ruin the funeral." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 280

You deserved it 4 485

Little wins matter

By Anonymous - 22/12/2020 14:06

Today, after our Christmas plans got cancelled because of COVID, to make ourselves feel better we made travel plans somewhere else, which also turned into a red zone the night before our departure, we are now going out for breakfast as our highlight of the year. Thankfully they are open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363

You deserved it 1 131

By maxmess - 21/06/2016 21:39

Today, I'm staying with my in-laws. I'm obsessive about cleanliness and neatness. They're candidates for a certain show about hoarders. I want to shower in bleach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 005

You deserved it 1 105

My short hair!

By Trama1201 - 04/01/2020 14:00 - United States - Boston

Today, I went to the library to bring back some books, I walked up to the counter and the librarian turned to me and said "What can I do for you young man?" I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 718

You deserved it 302

By depressed - 10/03/2013 02:05 - United States - Hull

Today, I finally told my dad about how I've been diagnosed with clinical depression. He began to recite a commercial for depression meds, but he couldn't finish because he was overwhelmed with laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 136

You deserved it 4 036

By roachblend - 12/09/2010 08:00 - Taiwan

Today, I got out our electric fan because it was very hot. A cockroach crawled up behind the frame on the fan and fell into the gap of the frame. It got itself killed by the rotating fan, and had its blended flesh sent flying all over my white polo shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 610

You deserved it 4 134

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Top comments

MELKOZAR 27

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Friday 27 February 2015 16:19

They owe you 29 years.

Roythetickler 21

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Friday 27 February 2015 16:18

Forget them you have your adopted parents

Roythetickler 21

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Friday 27 February 2015 16:18

Forget them you have your adopted parents

Dominatrickz 7

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Friday 27 February 2015 23:13

I would've said "sorry I have no money, you left me homeless when I was born." sorry OP, some people never change and luckily you didn't have to deal with them that many years.

shessohighh 10

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Saturday 28 February 2015 6:22

I agree #1. Just because they conceived you, doesn't make them your parents. In my opinion, your parents are the ones who raise you. Biological parents are sometimes just strangers.

Criram2 10

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Sunday 1 March 2015 21:39

Yea you have your Step-parents, who were obviously better people than those "people"...

Vahex 19

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Friday 27 February 2015 16:19

Wow that's horrible I hope you stood up for your self because they sound like dicks

MELKOZAR 27

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Friday 27 February 2015 16:19

They owe you 29 years.

Retaheki 27

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Friday 27 February 2015 17:36

...worth of birthday and Christmas presents.

5secondsofvvifi 21

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Saturday 28 February 2015 1:35

Don't forget Easter candy

PePziNL 20

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Saturday 28 February 2015 3:07

Easter candy? What?

Retaheki 27

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Saturday 28 February 2015 6:12

AND gift cards filled with $20s on Valentines, gold for St. Patrick's, and sparklers for New Years.

Pookie_1995 7

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Saturday 28 February 2015 7:29

don't forget about guy fawkes :p

catchmypanties 13

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Friday 27 February 2015 16:19

Tell them the same thing

harrypotter955 19

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Friday 27 February 2015 16:19

That's sad to hear. Just know that you do have adoptive parents who care for you

FrostHeart 36

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Friday 27 February 2015 16:20

Sometimes it's better not to get your hopes too high, so when you get disappointed it doesn't hurt as bad. I'm sorry your parents turned out to be like that, OP.