Today, I met my biological parents for the first time, 29 years... - FML

By LocallyBrewed - 27/2/2015 04:11 - United States

Today, I met my biological parents for the first time, 29 years into my life. They turned out to be two of the most pathetic people I have ever met, and the meeting ended after they asked me to lend them money because I "literally owe them my life." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40580

You deserved it

2666

Tweet

Share

Instadrama

All in the family

Vultures

By Anonymous - 5/9/2011 12:05 - Reserved

Today, I caught my husband farting on my wind-chime in an attempt to make it ring. It did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33567

You deserved it

4760

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/10/2009 10:28 - United Kingdom

Today, in the gym, as I bent over to pick up my weights an old man farted right in my face. The stench was appalling. To make matters worse, a girl I've fancied for ages thought it was me and reported it to the instructor. I was told to leave for 'anti-social behavior'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39465

You deserved it

2911

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/9/2013 13:29 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, I was asked to leave a church service for laughing at the kids trying to sing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25047

You deserved it

82352

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/1/2016 13:00 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I'm so lazy, I dread getting up early on days that haven't arrived yet. For stuff I actually like doing, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18146

You deserved it

5155

Tweet

Share

By princev - 18/6/2011 10:32 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to jump in the pool while holding my cat. I am currently in the hospital due to the severe cuts on my face and throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11569

You deserved it

112419

Tweet

Share

By Rizma - 27/11/2014 15:12 - France - Gr?ces

Today, I went off for a jog. Outside, I saw my really cute neighbour, so in an effort to appear sporty, I accelerated and kept my head up. As I got close, I smiled at him, just when a huge fly flew right up my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34877

You deserved it

4529

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/9/2015 04:37 - New Zealand - Albany

Today, I invited an acquaintance over for tea. When he came in, I told him to make himself at home. He took it literally and now half of my pantry is messed up, my boyfriend's chocolate supply is gone, and I'm pretty sure our couch is broken. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23558

You deserved it

3638

Tweet

Share

By fuuuudge - 19/8/2009 05:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend took me out to meet his friends. It was going really well until I left to use the bathroom and two of the girls with us came in and started talking about how creepy Matt's new girlfriend is and that they're happy he's going to dump her. My boyfriend is Matt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51429

You deserved it

3710

Tweet

Share

By apparentlynotengaged - 4/7/2019 11:00 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my fiancé won't tell people we're engaged because his mother doesn't approve, and he doesn't want to upset her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1700

You deserved it

270

Tweet

Share

By BobE - 31/7/2019 06:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I went to a mall and got some really awesome shoes. I went home to find out that they are actually women's shoes. I'm a dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1039

You deserved it

828

Tweet

Share

By Distraught - 1/3/2011 21:08 - Reserved

Today, the day before I was going to move in with my army fiancé, he was told he would be deployed very soon. I can't pay for the apartment without him, and now have to move back in with my parents until he returns from active duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34937

You deserved it

6618

Tweet

Share

By Flarewolf - 4/6/2011 18:09 - United Kingdom

Today, my family went and visited my nan. She ushered me in close and asked, "When are you going to knock it off with all this emo cockshite?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

16982

You deserved it

46403

Tweet

Share

By paige - 1/4/2011 03:18 - United States

Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55577

You deserved it

5771

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/12/2009 23:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I got my first acting part. I played the role of a bad boy who has to grab the leading lady's ass, who then slaps me in the face. The ass grab was done in one take. The slap required 14 takes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43344

You deserved it

4981

Tweet

Share

By stupid - 24/9/2009 01:18 - United States

Today, I had to hand write a 10 page essay for one of my classes. When I turned it in I got an automatic zero. It was written in blue. Not black. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48704

You deserved it

12991

Tweet

Share

By Fairymyass - 17/7/2011 16:01 - United Kingdom

Today, an argument broke out between me, my girlfriend, and her sister. They were trying to convince me that not only were fairies real, but there were "scientific facts" that "prove" their existence. My girlfriend's 20 and her sister teaches primary school. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33804

You deserved it

4479

Tweet

Share

By Jonathan - 18/3/2011 21:40 - Denmark

Today, my mom banned me from watching The Simpsons and Family Guy because apparently, they're part of "the Devil's plan to corrupt God's children". FML

I agree, your life sucks

47836

You deserved it

10051

Tweet

Share

By Heyy - 24/11/2010 17:55 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he started shaking really hard. When I asked him what he was doing, he simply said "I want to be better than your vibrator!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

37904

You deserved it

11989

Tweet

Share

By fmlisthebomb - 1/3/2009 06:58 - United States

Today, my mother got a call from our old high school saying that they had fifteen freshmen boys in his office with a nude photo of me on their phones. I had sent that photo only to my boyfriend. Apparently he loves to share me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32099

You deserved it

88850

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/4/2017 12:00

Today, after two months of being teased by my friends for getting wasted and passing out from only one shot, I learned that I wasn't actually too weak to handle the alcohol. My "friends" had secretly laced my drink with sleeping pills. They're now teasing me for believing them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6306

You deserved it

453

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/9/2011 15:34 - United States

Today, I found thousands of ants in a secret nest in an unused corner of my apartment. They were feeding on the baking mix I forgot in a box from moving two months ago, and the queen has been laying her eggs on my wireless router. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28599

You deserved it

16173

Tweet

Share

By I piss upon thee - 13/5/2016 18:35 - United States - Toledo

Today, I got a warning for not covering a shift, on my day off, for someone who didn't want to go to work. Apparently the next time I “do something wrong", I'll either get warned again or fired, whichever they feel like doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12854

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1011

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/9/2015 09:01 - United Kingdom - Southam

Today, I was at a get-together at a friend's house. Half an hour in, it became clear that someone had farted, and we all took turns asking who it was. When someone asked me, my girlfriend chimed in with, "Oh please, if it was him, you'd all be dead". FML

I agree, your life sucks

24783

You deserved it

4628

Tweet

Share

By you're just creepy. - 11/12/2012 08:39 - Canada - Whitehorse

Today, I smiled at a new kid and started a conversation with him, just to be nice. He later sent me 24 messages describing how strong his love for me is. I'm scared to go to school tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34939

You deserved it

3732

Tweet

Share

By ohokay - 24/1/2013 02:59 - United States - Bronx

Today, I found my boyfriend's Facebook page. I also found his wife's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47602

You deserved it

5249

Tweet

Share

By CosmicJoke - 12/8/2009 14:20 - United States

Today, I found my car had been robbed. The thieves stole my GPS, my iPod and my digital camera. While I was filing the police report, the officer recommended I take photos for insurance purposes. Then she remembered my camera had been stolen. She actually started laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52866

You deserved it

5356

Tweet

Share

By dumb - 3/8/2009 06:31 - United States

Today, I found out that I was held back in preschool because of some developmental issues. My parents didn't think it was important enough to mention it to me. Why hadn't I figured it out? They also lied to me about how old I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

75236

You deserved it

4529

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/8/2012 23:25 - United Kingdom - Kent

Today, after years of bad blood, my husband decided to invite his parents to dinner. After making rude remarks about my pregnancy, his dad eventually muttered that I'm a slut. My husband punched him, his wife called the police, and now I'm all alone while he sits in a jail cell for battery. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33459

You deserved it

1970

Tweet

Share

By jennabean - 12/8/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, I was in the car for 8 hours driving home from North Carolina with my family. We brought my dog along and I was petting her for most of the ride. I thought she fell asleep, so I continued to play with her. She never woke up. I played with a dead dog for almost an hour and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66712

You deserved it

4584

Tweet

Share

By xXRowynXx - 5/9/2010 19:20 - Canada

Today, I bleached my hair for the new school year. Instead of blonde, it came out orange, making my hair resemble a bloated pumpkin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12581

You deserved it

32369

Tweet

Share

By madzlovesgee - 16/5/2009 17:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were "fooling around." It started to get hot and he took out his penis for the first time. This was the first one I've seen in real life so I decided I'd complimented it. I had no idea what to say so I said, "It's pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks

68627

You deserved it

53228

Tweet

Share

By eakthegeek - 10/1/2012 09:36 - United States

Today, I was sexing it up with my boyfriend. Halfway through, he looked at me and said, "Y'know what you never see in a porno? Intellectual conversation. Read any good books lately?" He wouldn't keep going until I answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31237

You deserved it

6856

Tweet

Share

By Thanks guys - 26/11/2013 05:21 - United States - Richmond

Today, I logged onto Facebook to see one of my "friends" had used my account to post a coming-out story. It had comments on it such as "I knew it!" "Finally." and "That explains so much." FML

I agree, your life sucks

44907

You deserved it

4898

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/11/2012 05:45 - United States

Today, it's our third anniversary. After a candlelit dinner and a midnight boat ride, my wife turned down sex, because "it's too cliché." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39175

You deserved it

3665

Tweet

Share

By Numb - 11/4/2011 19:27 - United States

Today, I got my wisdom teeth pulled. My usually detached and unromantic boyfriend rushed right over after work with flowers and movies. A little while later, he admitted excitedly that he'd heard the numbing medication also works on gag reflexes and wanted to test the theory. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50258

You deserved it

7006

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/3/2020 05:00

Am I even here?

Today, I got written up at work for not cleaning up the breakfast area, and because multiple guests complained how sloppy and messy it looked. I'm on lockdown in a completely different country. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1880

You deserved it

115

Tweet

Share

By Jeri - 26/2/2010 12:55 - United States

Today, I begged my husband to take me to the ER cause my stomach hurt so bad I thought I was gonna die. He told me to go sit on the toilet and stop being a drama queen. I drove myself to the hospital just in time for my appendix to burst. I almost died because my husband was busy playing xbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59833

You deserved it

4307

Tweet

Share

By sothisishowidie - 30/9/2013 11:18 - Guam - Yigo

Today, my friends and I spent a little too long enjoying a beautiful cliff overlooking the ocean. We spent the next 3 hours lost in a pitch black jungle with only one pocket-sized flashlight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38648

You deserved it

12925

Tweet

Share

By UnboundA - 7/6/2016 16:27 - United States - Ruckersville

Today, I loaded up a cart at work with all the things that take me the longest to stock, figuring I'd just get it over with. My manager decided to use that cart to time me and measure my efficiency. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12352

You deserved it

982

Tweet

Share

By unlucky_vee_13 - 23/2/2009 22:02 - United States

Today, I was talking to my 81-year-old widowed grandmother on the phone, and she told me she was giving up sex for lent. Not only do I now have a vision of my grandma having sex, I am reminded that she is having more sex than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

72035

You deserved it

5006

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By MELKOZAR | 27

#6215774 - Friday 27 February 2015 16:19

They owe you 29 years.

By Roythetickler | 21

#6215772 - Friday 27 February 2015 16:18

Forget them you have your adopted parents

Comments

By Roythetickler | 21

#6215772 - Friday 27 February 2015 16:18

Forget them you have your adopted parents

Reply

Dominatrickz | 7

#6216183 - Friday 27 February 2015 23:13

I would've said "sorry I have no money, you left me homeless when I was born." sorry OP, some people never change and luckily you didn't have to deal with them that many years.

Reply

shessohighh | 10

#6216517 - Saturday 28 February 2015 6:22

I agree #1. Just because they conceived you, doesn't make them your parents. In my opinion, your parents are the ones who raise you. Biological parents are sometimes just strangers.

Reply

Criram2 | 10

#6218275 - Sunday 1 March 2015 21:39

Yea you have your Step-parents, who were obviously better people than those "people"...

By Vahex | 19

#6215773 - Friday 27 February 2015 16:19

Wow that's horrible I hope you stood up for your self because they sound like dicks

By MELKOZAR | 27

#6215774 - Friday 27 February 2015 16:19

They owe you 29 years.

Reply

Retaheki | 27

#6215872 - Friday 27 February 2015 17:36

...worth of birthday and Christmas presents.

Reply

5secondsofvvifi | 21

#6216345 - Saturday 28 February 2015 1:35

Don't forget Easter candy

Reply

PePziNL | 20

#6216390 - Saturday 28 February 2015 3:07

Easter candy? What?

Reply

Retaheki | 27

#6216512 - Saturday 28 February 2015 6:12

AND gift cards filled with $20s on Valentines, gold for St. Patrick's, and sparklers for New Years.

Reply

Pookie_1995 | 7

#6216564 - Saturday 28 February 2015 7:29

don't forget about guy fawkes :p

By catchmypanties | 13

#6215775 - Friday 27 February 2015 16:19

Tell them the same thing

By harrypotter955 | 19

#6215777 - Friday 27 February 2015 16:19

That's sad to hear. Just know that you do have adoptive parents who care for you

By FrostHeart | 36

#6215778 - Friday 27 February 2015 16:20

Sometimes it's better not to get your hopes too high, so when you get disappointed it doesn't hurt as bad.

I'm sorry your parents turned out to be like that, OP.

By Sonjington | 20

#6215780 - Friday 27 February 2015 16:20

Well at least now you know you weren't missing out on much.

By Cortezthe1st | 23

#6215781 - Friday 27 February 2015 16:20

Be happy you weren't raised by them.

By amadeclton | 26

#6215782 - Friday 27 February 2015 16:21

It amazes me how despicable some people can be.

By originaljosh | 11

#6215783 - Friday 27 February 2015 16:21

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

thatguynamedsky | 32

#6215969 - Friday 27 February 2015 19:05

hey look they're here ^