Intimacy: Today, a woman called my work and accused me of having an affair...

By kharrington - 07/04/2011 17:30 - United States

Today, a woman called my work and accused me of having an affair with her husband, my coworker, demanding that my boss discipline me. I don't know her, I barely know her husband, and I haven't had sex in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 510

You deserved it 3 513

Intimacy

Stop talking!

Age difference

Holiday cheer

Very important note

By Stress - 06/02/2020 14:00 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, the teacher said the class today was very important and that we should take note. Instead of writing notes, I bought a recorder and brought it to class. After class, I listened to the recording and all I could hear was muffled voices. FML

I agree, your life sucks 811

You deserved it 2 635

By AAA guy - 04/02/2015 16:02 - United States

Today, while on the job I accidentally locked my keys and all of my equipment in the car. I work for the AAA. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 262

You deserved it 5 537

By Anonymous - 02/01/2013 11:15 - France - Ville-d'avray

Today, after a drunken New Year's Eve party with friends, I woke up with a penis on my cheek. It wasn't a drawing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 712

You deserved it 2 013

By ardenm - 12/02/2009 05:45 - United States

Today, when I tried on a pair of pants at the mall, I asked the salesperson if I could have the next size up. She informed me that there wasn't a next size up. I have to LOSE weight to fit into the biggest pair of pants the store makes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 670

You deserved it 38 046

By MaKaDa - 23/09/2009 11:28 - United States

Today, I realized that my coach doesn't close the door and the blinds to perform half-naked body checks (to make sure his team is in shape) on anyone else but me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 611

You deserved it 4 803

Call CPS!

By Anonymous - 30/05/2020 17:00

Today, I discovered via my webcam that my brother believes in teaching babies to self-soothe, which in practice means ignoring my baby until she stops crying, only changing the nappy once in the 7 hours I was at work, and forgetting to feed her at all because he’s too busy watching Netflix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 938

You deserved it 279

By pirate prude - 11/07/2017 20:00 - Canada

Today, when getting off the bus, the driver said he thought I was going to exit from the front. Without thinking, I responded, "Oh no, I'm more of a backdoor kinda girl!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 958

You deserved it 2 022

By sandra - 20/09/2010 06:13 - United States

Today, I was working with some shelter puppies transporting them to the vet's. I got all of the puppies in but one, and when I went to pull him out, I realized he had gotten car sick. Before I could stop it happening, he wagged his vomit-covered tail and hit me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 663

You deserved it 3 099

By Anonymous - 13/08/2010 14:16 - United States

Today, I was on the way to traffic court for a $340 speeding ticket I'd got. My mother called me and I wasn't paying attention which caused me to speed. Right past a cop. When I told the cop where I was going, he started laughing at me. I now have another $300 ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 842

You deserved it 51 951

Big bang on the horizon

By Anonymous - 23/08/2021 12:01

Today, I found out that in September I will be expected to teach a student whose mother described as a more pedantic, nitpicky, annoying version of Sheldon Cooper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 769

You deserved it 75

By ilovemypup - 31/10/2016 11:20

Today, while at my job in a candy store, a boy stuck his hand into the bin, contaminating the candy. As I politely explained that the dad had to purchase the affected candy he refused, yelled, then angrily agreed to buy them. The total cost of the candy with the extra pieces? $1.69. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 829

You deserved it 761

By suckstobeme - 24/03/2010 15:00 - United States

Today, I caught my dad spanking my mom with a spatula. The same spatula I use to cook my eggs every morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 188

You deserved it 4 650

By sadguyme - 22/10/2012 07:31 - United States - Turlock

Today, on the first cold night of autumn, I realized I need a girlfriend because the only way I can stay warm is if I spoon with my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 584

You deserved it 5 091

Can't filter that

By Weightlosshereicome - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Oxford

Today, Snapchat thought my double chin was a mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 663

You deserved it 4 603

By Anonymous - 11/09/2010 23:36 - United States

Today, I talked to my boss about scheduling my urgently needed surgery. She asked me to wait until after Christmas, and told me that I should use vacation time instead of sick leave. She's also not going to give me the total paid time off my contract specifies, because it's "inconvenient." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 960

You deserved it 2 331

Next, on The Jerry Springer Show…

By DearLord - 03/04/2020 23:00 - Canada

Today, I had to explain to my boss that masturbating in public is inappropriate. This isn't the first time this has taken place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 911

You deserved it 157

This charming man

By Anonymous - 02/11/2020 17:03

Today, I found out my husband cheated on me while I was pregnant. And gave me an STD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 526

You deserved it 98

By Hoobfoob - 19/06/2017 04:00

Today, my car was totaled. It was so new, I haven't even made the first payment on it yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 640

You deserved it 572

By me - 08/06/2012 14:00 - United States - Carthage

Today, I was taking a shower. My mom thinks it's ok to just walk in on someone when they are in there so she decides to take a crap. The worst part is she thought it would be less awkward to talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 384

You deserved it 2 690

Silver linings

By Anonymous - 07/10/2009 01:11 - Canada

Today, I went shopping for a new pair of jeans. I was feeling good about the fact that I was going down a waist size until the cashier decided to discuss with me, three co-workers, and the ten other people in line how she didn't even know jeans came in sizes that big. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 312

You deserved it 6 785

Timing

By Anonymous - 18/03/2017 07:00 - United States - Westerville

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a blowjob. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "What's that thing at the back of your throat called?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 496

You deserved it 1 146

By Heather212 - 26/10/2017 07:26

Today, I sat down on my bed completely naked in front of my husband and said, "Man, it's hot in here!" while spreading my legs. He just blew on my vagina, asked if that was better, and then walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 236

You deserved it 1 346

By Potential Bridezilla - 10/08/2011 07:18 - United Arab Emirates

Today, a week after my fiancé and I got engaged, his mother is already complaining that she isn't involved enough in the wedding arrangements. We haven't even set a date yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 241

You deserved it 2 581

By M to the line - 11/01/2009 03:57 - France

Today, I lied and said I was late for work because my car's tire was flat. Two hours later, some of my friends came in and said something along the lines that "We should do brunch every saturday, (like this morning) it was awesome!" in front of my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 058

You deserved it 32 316

By minder97 - 17/10/2011 04:04 - Canada

Today, my sister had a friend for a sleepover. They filmed a video in which the friend was lying in my bed, singing. An hour after the girl went home, her parents called. She has lice, and had brought them to our house unknowingly. I can see each and every individual larva on my pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 508

You deserved it 2 700

By Anonymous - 01/11/2011 09:03 - United States

Today, my best friend threw my football over a wall, so we hopped over to go and get it. Next thing we know, we're both surrounded by men pointing guns in our faces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 324

You deserved it 7 505

By confusedmofo - 29/07/2013 06:35 - Indonesia

Today, I went out and met somebody. We got talking and we both realized we are each the ideal romantic partner for the other. The only problem is we are both straight men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 698

You deserved it 8 119

By Anonymous - 05/07/2013 23:34 - United States - Houston

Today, I was telling my girlfriend about how my parents are flying out to Japan today on vacation. She was shocked at how short the flight will be, because "It's on the other side of the world." We live in the USA, and it seems I'm dating a Flat Earther. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 984

You deserved it 7 389

By PissyPuss - 10/12/2015 21:38 - United States

Today, the bladder infection I thought I was over flared up at work, causing me to piss myself, despite having gone twice in the previous hour. I still had to finish my shift, soaked pants and all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 804

You deserved it 1 842

By fabiennemorin35 - 30/08/2016 09:29 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my boss told me that he’d hired me because he thought I looked intelligent. He then went on to say that it was about time that I proved that I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 156

You deserved it 1 485

By Anonymous - 21/08/2015 08:33 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was putting the cat outside. He wouldn't go, so I kicked him. Then I woke up to my husband screaming. I’d been dreaming, and the "cat" I kicked was his family jewels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 618

You deserved it 9 083

By Bob - 21/01/2010 13:33 - Canada

Today, I'm a cashier in a grocery store. The visiting regional manager tore me a new one for being lazy. His reason? After working a double shift with no break, I decided to sit down for a minute when things got slow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 803

You deserved it 2 731

By WickedRene - 02/08/2014 01:57 - United States - Rochester

Today, I was watching my 3 year old brother. He asked me to get him a cookie and I said, "What's the magic word?" He looked at me angrily and said "Bitch, please." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 870

You deserved it 8 201

By Anonymous - 27/09/2009 18:12 - United States

Today, I was walking with my girlfriend when a little guy walked up and flirted with her. I'm a pretty weak guy and he looked weaker, so I gave him a little push and said "Back off". He's actually not weak at all. I've got a black eye and a girlfriend who won't stop laughing to prove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 398

You deserved it 42 718

By Deconstructed - 19/05/2009 20:13 - United States

Today, my husband let me sleep in while he worked on the landscaping by our backyard pool. Ready for a shower, I stripped naked, opened the back door to let the dog out, and stepped out to ask him how it was going. Turns out he'd finally hired a landscaping crew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 042

You deserved it 27 913

By Sayahh - 07/01/2017 08:07

Today, I pulled a muscle at work doing a cartwheel. I was doing the cartwheel to prove to one of my students that adults can do cartwheels too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 569

You deserved it 3 182

By Anonymous - 16/07/2012 00:12 - Canada - Brampton

Today, my dad sat me down for a talk. After the talk, he wasn't my dad anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 863

You deserved it 2 231

By alopez1994 - 21/04/2011 05:28

Today, I noticed this guy crying in the park. I went up to him to see what was wrong. Apparently his girlfriend broke up with him, and he also said he wanted to kill himself. My first response was "Don't, you'll regret it later in life". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 999

You deserved it 13 766

By bitches. - 15/06/2009 00:39 - United States

Today, I was walking by a bunch of pretty girls. I'm not the most attractive boy, so I walked by nervously. I heard one yell "Hey cutie!" I turned to look, and they started laughing. She said "Oh my god, sorry! I assumed you were cute from your butt!" Apparently, my ass is nicer than my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 357

You deserved it 3 428

Elephant

By frank - 26/03/2021 23:01

Today, I farted in my office, assuming nobody would come in until the smoke cleared. The new girl then came in to introduce herself. She had her hands on her nose the whole time, while we both awkwardly tried to ignore the stank elephant in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 695

You deserved it 432

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Top comments

capnbzarr 43

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Thursday 7 April 2011 22:38

WTF is wrong with people? How could you click "YDI" for this? I suspect misogyny is the answer.

beeship321 5

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Thursday 7 April 2011 22:35

sucks to be you op. Good luck with that one. Roses are red. Violets are blue. you been banging my husband? I go beserk on you!

acisking 1

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Thursday 7 April 2011 22:33

FIRST!!!

mz_booty 0

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Friday 8 April 2011 1:04

don't worry maybe she had u mixed up!! lol

hedgerow 0

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Friday 8 April 2011 3:34

Haven't had sex in months? Maybe the boss can 'dkscipline' you...

aquariusangel420 0

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Friday 8 April 2011 3:42

well some people aren't lucky enough to be a slut or a man whore like you

KiddNYC1O 20

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Friday 8 April 2011 4:54

First!

CryMoreFMLs 14

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Friday 8 April 2011 7:38

Second first! Wait.... what?

LunaNstars 0

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Thursday 7 April 2011 22:33

:( FYL

khaya 9

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Thursday 7 April 2011 23:13

It was all a setup for your boss to 'discipline' you.

ubetrwatchBN 5

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Friday 8 April 2011 7:14

Aww, it's ok OP, I'll give you some lovin'. *Sees OP* Holy shit, nevermind!

PDeffinP 0

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Friday 8 April 2011 8:08

WTF did you do to make her suspect that? Or is she just a complete idiot? Hopefully you don't get a spanking :(

gutzz 0

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Friday 8 April 2011 11:04

I think op would love a spanking right now.... it has been months afterall.

raven02 0

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Friday 8 April 2011 17:35

now it's time to do wat u do best f*** ur boss or give him head maybe he will give differed judification 4 this kinda a crime.FYL

beeship321 5

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Thursday 7 April 2011 22:35

sucks to be you op. Good luck with that one. Roses are red. Violets are blue. you been banging my husband? I go beserk on you!

notsocrazee 0

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Thursday 7 April 2011 23:35

roses are dead violence is due don't touch my husband or I'll run you through...

Krilleee 5

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Thursday 7 April 2011 23:48

lol!! :D

Crazyjoe33 6

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Friday 8 April 2011 1:00

#19 Win!

EvilPotato 14

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Friday 8 April 2011 2:32

19 is pure genius

marissabunge23 0

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Friday 8 April 2011 4:13

haha damn!

KUSHaholic 0

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Friday 8 April 2011 5:34

19 you a beast ! hahaha

Death_From_Above 0

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Thursday 7 April 2011 22:37

I bet you love you job

capnbzarr 43

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Thursday 7 April 2011 22:38

WTF is wrong with people? How could you click "YDI" for this? I suspect misogyny is the answer.

SirEBC 7

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Thursday 7 April 2011 22:55

If by "misogyny" you mean "trolling," then yes, you are correct.

ckyorelse 18

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Friday 8 April 2011 0:36

it's simple really, I hit the button with my finger

just_lol 0

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Friday 8 April 2011 2:05

Epic W... naaah Epic fail ckyorelse...

Suchagoonnn 4

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Friday 8 April 2011 8:18

theres always gonna be people who do that type of stuff on the internet, no matter what the situation.

savs11 13

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Friday 8 April 2011 16:18

Just because someone hasn't had sex in awhile doesn't mean she's not a flirt. The wife would have some reason to accuse her, unless she's some paranoid psycho. It's also possible people are trolling when clicking ydi. :D