Health: Today, I've reached the point in my life where the "Apply to...

By Whiteheads - United States - Beaumont

Today, I've reached the point in my life where the "Apply to affected area" label on acne cream essentially means I need to take a bath in the stuff. FML

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Whiteheads tells us more :

OP here, I made an account to reply. To clarify a bit, I'm 19, so I've been dealing with acne for a while and have my face pretty well under control. I said I need to take a bath in acne cream because it's mostly my shoulders and back, and no amount of washing and scrubbing seems to help. Thanks for the funny comments and advice :)

Health

Instadrama

Family matters

Pay up, dude

By fml - United States - Billerica

Today, they introduced us to this cheesy school email program. I was trying to be funny and made a draft and sent it to "All" and I typed, "Thanos did nothing wrong." The send button was right next to the discard email button. I sent,"Thanos did nothing wrong" to every kid and teacher at school. FML

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By Princess - United States

Today, my cell phone service was interrupted because I owed the company 27 cents. It cost 36 dollars to reinstate my service. FML

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By ohhaithur

Today, my mom accused me of stealing $350 from her. She didn't accuse my unemployed brother, who just bought a brand new iPhone. Even after he confessed to her, she thought he was covering for me. My brother has a criminal record for theft. FML

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By das_shizzle - 30/9/2020 23:02 - United States - Montesano

Oh shit

Today, as I was getting ready to go to class, I accidentally stepped in dog poop. I was in a hurry, so I scraped it off as best as I could. When I go to class, I noticed it smelled. The girl behind me noticed and said, "Mmmmm, smells like food in here." FML

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By goodbyepromotion - United States - Dayton

Today, I addressed my district manager as "Dude." FML

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By . - United States

Today, I convinced my father that "Juanito", our relative who needed money for immediate surgery in Mexico was a stranger attempting to scam him. I was $1400 too late. FML

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By Anonymous - Zimbabwe

Today, I rushed to a dentist's appointment. Once in the chair, I apologized for not having had the time to brush my teeth beforehand. He responded with, "Ah that's alright, I just took a piss and forgot to wash my hands." FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, a customer asked me if I was English, because I was struggling to understand what he saying. I said yes. He then called me a liar, and said I must be "one of them Polish immigrants." Oh, and he also had a thick Scottish accent. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was shopping at Walmart when I ran into this stalker chick. She introduced me to her baby. He's named after me. FML

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By StillBurning

Today, I enjoyed my favourite pizza topped with jalapeños for an extra kick. I later got to feel that kick a second time as I vomited in the middle of the night. Some came out my nose. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went out to dinner. The waiter was pretty cute. He greets us, "Hi my name is... (long pause) Jordan." Thinking he was flirting, I quickly smart back, "Are you confused?" He says, "No actually, I have a stutter." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Davis

Today, my boyfriend told me that he doesn't know why I think deepthroating is so uncomfortable. To prove his point, he grabbed my dildo and effortlessly slid it down his throat. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my mom is getting rid of cable TV. My dad and I bought her a 700 dollar plasma screen TV for Christmas. FML

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By be_nj - United States

Today, at work as a cashier, I had a male customer come up to me and ask me what hours I worked today, like he has done for several weeks now. Immediately after, my manager calls my lane to tell me to watch out for that guy. He has been stalking a co-worker of mine. Apparently, I'm next. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I went over to my uncle's house for dinner and my stomach hurt really bad. I noticed there were two toilets and sat in the prettier one and took a huge dump. Turns out I'd chosen the brand new toilet that wasn't connected to anything yet. FML

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By lilithfaye - United States

Today, my newly ex-fiancé, the father of my 5-year-old child, moved out of state with no warning. I just spent my last $500 paying off his car, and the rent is due tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/10/2020 14:02 - Singapore - Singapore

No Gods, No Masters

Today, it's been 3 weeks of being sick with gastritis and constantly feeling pain and weak. I've been pushing myself to work, and despite doing 150+ files, my boss said it’s not good enough for the company and hinted I might be let go. I got my job during the pandemic and might be losing it after 3 months. FML

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By Kyle - United States - Alpharetta

Today, I was told I look like a Simpson. I don't have blond hair, or any of the features of them. So I asked which one. I was told Homer because we both could use Weight Watchers and an education. FML

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By NotInMiddleSchool - United States

Today, as I was yelled at by a middle school teacher in front of 30 6th graders for breaking the rule of "no cell phones in school." Luckily, I escaped being sent to the office after explaining I'm a 21 year old college student doing student teaching observations, not a middle schooler. FML

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By Anonymous

Strange Diet

Today, I woke this morning to my girlfriend asking me how many calories are in her deodorant. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Brampton

Today, I got into a fistfight with a complete idiot wearing a panda outfit. My face now looks like a real panda's. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Saint John

Today, I got in a heated fight and ended up being punched in the jaw. The fight was about Harry Potter. FML

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By tara22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be sexy to throw me against the wall and kiss me like they do in the movies. Being all aggressive and smooth, he grabs my shirt and pushes me. He pushed a little too hard and my head was thrown back into the wall. I was knocked out for ten minutes. FML

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By tallguy - Australia - North Adelaide

Today, I finally received the bicycle I ordered months ago. It was an expensive custom-made bike which perfectly fit my 6'9" frame. Today, that bike got stolen. FML

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By Nish - United States - Kent

Today while at my job as a store clerk, I walked by a family. I smiled at their little boy, who responded by flipping me off. As I was walking away, I looked back in time to catch his dad give him a high-five. FML

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By club goer - Canada

Today, I uploaded a new Facebook profile photo, which got over 20 likes in the space of an hour. The most I've ever gotten before was 10. Surprised, I went to check my picture again, only to notice two guys were sarcastically flipping me the bird in the background. FML

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By Roll Tide of Tears - United States

Today, on my college visit, I met a perfect girl for me, sweet, gorgeous, on the same career path. I remember everything we talked about, where she is from, what sport she plays, and her recent internship. But when I went to look her up online, I couldn't remember one thing, her name. FML

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By wherermypants - United States - Austin

Today, I discovered that when I'm drunk, I hate wearing clothes. And it doesn't matter who is around to see it, not even my soon-to-be father-in-law. FML

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By No-Sleep Nellie - United States - Waterloo

Today, my mother woke me up by loudly vacuuming the house. I had to work the next morning, so I asked her what she was thinking. She told me that if I was really tired and needed sleep, I wouldn't have woken up. It was 3 AM. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while walking past a homeless man, I heard him comment on the woman in front of me saying, "I should come to this side of town more often, there's some hotties here." Then he saw me and said, "Wait, no, I think I'll stay on the other side of town." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend texted me saying, "I can come over today. She thinks I've got work." I think he had the wrong number. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my cat managed to lock my dad and me outside of our house. FML

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By randinosaur - United States

Today, a cop rear-ended me. Then I received a ticket from him for driving too far under the speed limit. We were in a school zone. FML

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By yankeeboy123 - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her reason? Not enough guys have been liking her photos on Instagram since we started dating. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was driving in the left lane and was suddenly hit by a woman who was in the right lane. I ran off the road, taking out a fence and totaling my car. When the cops asked the woman what happened she responded, "My tom-tom told me to turn left." FML

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By guess I'm stuck - United States - Alamo

Today, I was about to break up with my psycho girlfriend. As I sat her down, she told me she wanted to show me something. She then took off her shirt to reveal my name tattooed across her chest. FML

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By Single4Life - United States

Today, my friend told me that she gave my number to a guy I've liked for a while. I asked why and she just said "He's just going to have to tell you himself." I got hopeful and really nervous. A few hours later he calls. Turns out, he's called to try and get a date with my gay friend. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Marcos

Today, I had a dream about marrying Hitler. I've had this same dream three times now. My subconscious is starting to scare me. FML

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By lifedownthegutter - United States - Saint Louis

Today, the lawn I've been devoting all my efforts to saving from a nasty grub infestation isn't going to make it, but apparently the grass I noticed growing in my gutters is doing just fine. FML.

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I noticed that whenever someone belches, I immediately think of my boyfriend. FML

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Top comments

By drunkturtle | 14

#6393655 - Wednesday 26 August 2015 18:11

Are you a teenager? If so that's completely normal so I wouldn't worry about it

By MrLufthansa | 14

#6393658 - Wednesday 26 August 2015 18:12

Its a stage in life. It will be over soon.

COMMENTS

By drunkturtle | 14

#6393655 - Wednesday 26 August 2015 18:11

Are you a teenager? If so that's completely normal so I wouldn't worry about it

By MrLufthansa | 14

#6393658 - Wednesday 26 August 2015 18:12

Its a stage in life. It will be over soon.

lexos | 16

#6393728 - Wednesday 26 August 2015 19:07

Not necessarily. I am 26 but still have it every now and then. Not as bad as it used to be just a few

smallandroid | 26

#6393742 - Wednesday 26 August 2015 19:18

I'm 21 and I have severe cystic acne on my face. It's not the same for everyone.

gracehi | 31

#6393781 - Wednesday 26 August 2015 19:56

When I was teenager, I had the most beautiful, porcelain skin you've ever seen. Now that I'm nearly thirty, I have to use an acne wash daily to prevent breakouts and every now and then I still get pimples. It's different for everyone. Hopefully I won't be plagued with wrinkly skin AND pimples in my golden years.

By MrsChristine | 7

#6393662 - Wednesday 26 August 2015 18:13

try washing your face with just regular bar soap. see if that helps

flufee2 | 27

#6393679 - Wednesday 26 August 2015 18:25

lol... no

smallandroid | 26

#6393747 - Wednesday 26 August 2015 19:21

You've never had severe long-term acne before, have you...

SPN_lover666 | 27

#6394281 - Thursday 27 August 2015 5:59

I have been washing my face with soap for years, and still have acne. Contrary to popular belief, you don't have to be a dirty person to get acne.

By ukeandfoodislife | 19

#6393663 - Wednesday 26 August 2015 18:13

That sucks. I'm sorry): Hopefully it's just teenage hormones!! It will be over soon):

By GiraffesRlife | 11

#6393665 - Wednesday 26 August 2015 18:15

I feel for you OP

By LeashaJoy5595 | 28

#6393669 - Wednesday 26 August 2015 18:17

The best ache cream in the world is the Indian Healing Clay. You can buy it off of amazon and use it nightly, it's guaranteed to make it go away, just look at the reviews. My boyfriend uses it and it works WONDERS! It's cheap too! $8 for a pound of it, best of luck OP!

LeashaJoy5595 | 28

#6393699 - Wednesday 26 August 2015 18:42

Hey, if something works, shouldn't you let people know about it, 12? Ache sucks, I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Mons_fml | 27

#6393790 - Wednesday 26 August 2015 20:05

Jews HATE him! Struggling Austrian artist discovers the secret to beat the Judeo-bolsheviks and their international money-lending cabal >WATCH VIDEO NOW

LeashaJoy5595 | 28

#6393814 - Wednesday 26 August 2015 20:37

Oh wow, I just realized I spelt acne wrong on both comments. That's embarrassing, sorry FML community!

JustinJK | 21

#6393824 - Wednesday 26 August 2015 20:53

Nothing worked for me. I tried everything from prescription creams to herbal/natural remedies. the only thing that worked for my severe cystic acne was Accutane. I did everything. I changed my diet. all that.