Today, I was shopping with my friends and I got asked by a man...

By sad45 - 15/3/2009 05:09 - Canada

Today, I was shopping with my friends and I got asked by a man if I could be in one of his commercials. I obviously said yes without thinking twice. I then found out that he wanted me to be the before picture for an acne control moisturizer. FML

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Miscellaneous

No one likes a smart-ass

Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

Business savvy

By Anonymous - 24/11/2011 10:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I got trapped in an elevator with a chicken. FML

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By Bruja5 - 7/2/2010 05:15 - United States

Today, I thought about my boyfriend and all the things we used to do together years ago. Today, I also spent the day doing my now husband's laundry and watching him sit on the couch with his hand inside his underwear. FML

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By its still broken - 11/6/2015 00:13 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my neighbor came over to borrow my lawnmower. As I have previously loaned it to him and he returned it broken, I refused. He then promptly ate the strawberries off my daughter's small strawberry plant and stormed off. FML

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By a non e mouse - 10/11/2015 22:34 - United States - Valparaiso

Today, I tried to unlock my house's front door by hitting the unlock button on my car keys. It took me some time to realize my mistake. FML

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By Why - 3/9/2015 19:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to create another signature. I have to use one at the bank and the other around my mother, so that when she tries to cash my paychecks the bank won't let her. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/5/2009 20:58 - United States

Today, I flew home from college to see my parents. Later I found the expensive painting and hand-made necklace I mailed to my mom for mother's day while taking out the trash. FML

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By oops - 19/4/2011 15:37 - United States

Today, as I was out walking, one homeless man sitting with two others asked me for something to eat. Trying to do a good deed, I bought the three men a bag of apples. They then fought viciously over them before the first man chased me for handing them to "the wrong one." FML

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By brother love - 13/8/2010 05:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that the guy I like was only coming to my house to get closer to my brother. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/11/2013 23:02 - Canada - Calgary

Today, she did it again. While I was minding my own business reading the paper, she casually walked up to me and slashed my face with her nails, drawing blood and screams of pain. I need to get out of this abusive relationship, but no one will adopt my asshole of a cat. FML

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By birdbath - 8/11/2009 07:26 - United States

Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML

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By zevil - 18/11/2008 16:54 - Peru

Today, I had a date with a girl. Wanting to make a good impression, I spend a lot of time getting ready and by the time I get to the place we were supposed to meet she isn't there anymore. I call her to see where she is. She's in bed with another guy and says "I was REALLY waiting for you". FML

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By Hellish - 21/10/2016 04:11 - United States - Gurnee

Today, I started a new job that was highly recommended by a worker there. The same coworker that is now making my life a living hell. FML

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By PCop - 2/8/2010 23:21 - United States

Today, I was bored out of my mind at work. I told my coworker he was lucky to be leaving early. I forgot the reason of his early departure was to go to his grandfather's funeral. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/8/2017 16:00

The Little Sperm That Could

Today, I found out I'm three weeks pregnant with a guy I've been dating for a month. I'm on the pill and we even used a condom. This baby must be some kind of superhuman. FML

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By clitorasaurus - 21/8/2010 06:09 - Canada

Today, I pulled a muscle in my arm while wiping my butt. FML

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By flying13 - 3/11/2010 07:27 - United States

Today, I was on a bench enjoying the sun, when a guy comes and sits next to me. Next thing I know, he lets out a loud fart, then looks my way with pride. I stare back in shock. He then says to me, "Yeah, that just happened," and walks off. FML

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By manutdlol - 13/12/2009 06:15 - Malaysia

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has more armpit hair than me. FML

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By idonthavereligion - 29/5/2015 04:16 - United States - Palmer

Today, I started my day off with a relaxing cup of coffee, the morning paper, and the sound of my mother informing me I will be going to hell for being not believing in God. FML

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By Vitani_Verci - 15/1/2016 06:57

Today, one of the kids at the daycare center I work at was so excited at the fact that his constipation was over, he felt the need to bring me his fecal matter, in his hands, to show me. Guess who had to clean up the aftermath. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/6/2013 16:54 - Pakistan - Lahore

Today, I discovered the source of the vile stench in my room. My daughter had "saved" a bird from our cat and put it in a box under my bed, hoping to nurse it back to health. She forgot about it, leaving the corpse rotting in there for who knows how long. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/4/2012 14:50 - United States - Cabin John

Today, I got home from work to find my boyfriend sobbing hysterically over the death of his cat. The only cat he could be talking about is the one on his Sims account. FML

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By sleepingonmydesk - 29/6/2015 09:28 - United Kingdom - Longfield

Today, after not being able to sleep for two hours because my boyfriend wouldn't stop talking, he fell asleep and I was left wide awake. I listened to him snore for another three hours and only got a couple of hours sleep. He's not working today, but I am. FML

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By sdgsfvbkuhkj - 17/4/2011 23:18 - United States

Today, I started my first day of work at my new job. They had a section in the parking lot for employees only, so I parked there. Apparently, my boss didn't recognize my car, and had it towed. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/9/2010 09:40 - Canada

Today, I procrastinated on doing my on-line training for my new job. Thinking it would only take a few hours to complete, I started it in the early evening. It is now almost 4 am, and I start my new job in 3 hours. There is still about another hour and a half on on-line training left. FML

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By TotallyFkd - 22/1/2009 20:49 - United States

Today, I moved back home because I got laid off and could no longer afford my apartment. I decided to take a nap and when I woke up I overheard my Mom telling my Aunt that she used to be so proud of me and wonders when I became such a loser. Burn. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/3/2016 23:43 - United Kingdom - Broseley

Today, my boyfriend's parents decided that I was untrustworthy and that if they ever saw him with me he'd be heavily punished. They're travelling hundreds of miles just to make sure he stays in the house and doesn't talk to me. FML

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By - 30/5/2019 23:30 - India - Pune

Send help!

Today, I've managed to lock myself in my own bedroom. It won't open no matter what I do. FML

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By FML - 19/1/2016 06:41 - United States

Today, I found out my fiancée has been sleeping with the salesman I bought her engagement ring from. He knew. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/12/2011 07:35 - Canada

Today, while sleeping, my foot was stabbed by something in my bed and I woke up to it bleeding. I looked around for the cause and found nothing. Now I'm afraid to go to sleep because it might happen again. FML

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By fucked - 14/3/2014 19:40 - Canada

Today, my boss - AKA Satan - told me I'd better watch out, because I'm now top on his list of people to lay off next time the company downsizes. All I did was give a report to the board admitting that our sales are down this year. He blames me for making him look bad. FML

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By anonymous - 30/9/2012 05:32 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I got yelled at for providing horrible customer service, in a store I don't even work for. FML

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By Apparentlycreepy - 3/3/2011 07:24 - United States

Today, I got rejected by two different guys. One was my ex-boyfriend who said he wanted to keep our friendship, and the other was a guy I went on a date with who faked a European accent the whole time during our date despite him being born and raised in Texas. FML

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By RawrSparkle - 21/9/2012 07:31 - United States - Davis

Today, I dropped a whole batch of penis-shaped cookies on the floor. Then I thought, "5-second rule" and started eating them. And then I realized that I was home alone, in pajamas, eating broken dick-cookies off the floor. FML

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By whyme_ss - 20/7/2009 20:05 - United States

Today, I went on a rollercoaster for the first time. I sat in the back, which was a bad idea. When it ended everyone in front of me turned around and stared. When I asked my friend what was going on, she said I had been screaming the Lord's Prayer the whole time. I hadn't even noticed. FML

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By anonymous - 28/7/2012 13:26 - Lebanon

Today, I went on an overnight airplane flight. I wanted to be comfy so I took off my shorts, threw a blanket over myself, and slept. When the lights came back on, I ran to the bathroom before they served food. After using the bathroom, I noticed I hadn't put my shorts back on. FML

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By Anunimos - 19/4/2015 13:08 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, I found out my best friend's girlfriend is cheating on him with his own brother. I went over to his place and told him everything while his girlfriend was in the same room. He called me a jealous liar who wanted to break them up, and kicked me out while she looked on, smirking. FML

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By shelly - 8/3/2012 22:23 - United States

Today, I was locked out of my house and had to pee. I waited an hour for my boyfriend to come home. When I saw him pull into the driveway, I peed myself in excitement. FML

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By cheated - 6/7/2019 22:03

Today, I found out my "wonderful" boyfriend was recently dumped by another woman, not just after he started stalking her, but after he wrote her a love letter in his own blood. FML

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By Silver_Samurai - 9/2/2012 03:24 - Netherlands

Today, I had a technical skill test as a nurse. My objective was to help the patient defecate, but my opening sentence came out as: "Hello, I'm Jan. I'm here to help you take a shit." FML

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By goblue - 21/12/2009 05:20 - United States

Today, I was sleeping in my room when I awoke to an unfamiliar female voice in my apartment followed by a thud. I walked out to find a drunk girl I've never met collapsed in my doorway. After puking all over the place, she had me call her father who picked her up 10 minutes later. FML

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Top comments

By msw52 | 0

#32841 - Sunday 15 March 2009 16:01

Those "before" pictures usually have "after" pictures to go with them....
So on the bright side, maybe you could get some free skin care products out of the deal as well?

By Mistress_Puppy | 0

#32816 - Sunday 15 March 2009 15:44

Wow but um....at least you can get paid for it.
I would have been a little hurt but once he showed me that check, I've been alright about it. xDD

Comments

By pinkfrenchrose | 5

#32810 - Sunday 15 March 2009 15:41

I woulda been pissed. xD
Just be glad it wasn't wart removal. ;)

tobyraza | 0

#833248 - Monday 8 February 2010 3:58

EVERYONE gets acne. I don't know why people are judged for it, they have no control over hormones.

xxkarwi | 0

#1041660 - Thursday 24 June 2010 18:25

Uh, #45... no. I have never had ACNE. And I'm 22. The occasional pimple, yes, but not acne x(

NeatNit | 32

#5890532 - Thursday 20 March 2014 6:45

Sadly, the occasional pimple is what people refer to when they say acne these days. It's quite retarded.

By Mistress_Puppy | 0

#32816 - Sunday 15 March 2009 15:44

Wow but um....at least you can get paid for it.
I would have been a little hurt but once he showed me that check, I've been alright about it. xDD

demonstare7 | 5

#3671156 - Friday 2 December 2011 2:13

You really don't get paid all that much for commercials. Maybe 500 for a high end main "character" in it. Most are only like 50 bucks or so.

By Excellence | 0

#32821 - Sunday 15 March 2009 15:46

Think before you speak... you could end up in much worse situations.

By msw52 | 0

#32841 - Sunday 15 March 2009 16:01

Those "before" pictures usually have "after" pictures to go with them....
So on the bright side, maybe you could get some free skin care products out of the deal as well?