Miscellaneous: Today, I was shopping with my friends and I got asked by a man... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 1

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 92

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 278

You deserved it 51

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 375

You deserved it 27

15/03/2009 05:09

Today, I was shopping with my friends and I got asked by a man if I could be in one of his commercials. I obviously said yes without thinking twice. I then found out that he wanted me to be the before picture for an acne control moisturizer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 256

You deserved it 10 117

And today, on Dr Phil…

Hiding from the drama

What about me?

17/02/2015 19:17

Spicy

Today, I took my boyfriend to a family dinner. Not an hour later, I walked in on my sister giving him a handjob in her room. And what's worse, my first reaction was just to wonder why he'd bother cheating on me for just a handjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 304

You deserved it 4 072

03/02/2009 20:27

Today, the only girl I'm friends with deleted my comment off of her profile because she was too embarrassed that people would see we were friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 326

You deserved it 3 482

19/09/2011 08:35

Today, while in heavy traffic on the highway, a motorcyclist managed to t-bone my car. He picked himself up, glanced at the side of my car, and quickly drove off, all in the space of a few seconds. I just got an expensive paint job on this thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 754

You deserved it 3 013

07/09/2009 19:19

Today, I was arguing with my dad. I called him a geriatric fool. He replied with, "Well at least I know who my biological father is." I have no idea if he's joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 110

You deserved it 7 975

Pain in the neck

By Anonymous - 14/02/2020 05:00

Today, my mom drove my car and ran had to make a u turn on a narrow street. Instead of slowing down, she speeds to turn running off the road and denting my car. Make it worse, she blamed me for not giving her good directions. Then follows up with it is not that bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 476

You deserved it 316

17/06/2017 22:00

Today, after an argument, my boyfriend called me a fart knocker and gave me a wedgie. Apparently, I'm dating an 10-year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 520

You deserved it 1 022

05/05/2013 20:49

Today, I babysat a 4-year-old child for my neighbor. It seems he had diarrhea. The evidence of this is in his pants, down his leg, on the couch, on the bathroom floor, smeared on my wall, and in the shape of a brown handprint on my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 459

You deserved it 4 265

09/08/2013 23:29

Today, a man pulled a knife on me just so he could mug me of the cigarette I was smoking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 419

You deserved it 7 797

Badass

By Boyufd - 30/08/2021 18:01

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after 3 years. Why, do you ask? Turns out her dad used to bully my dad in highschool and my dad kicked his ass after all this time and sent him to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 075

You deserved it 76

07/02/2011 19:57

Today, scarcely having time to look at myself, I quickly got dressed and went to work. Only when I got there and saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror did I notice that the colour and detail of my black lacy bra could easily be seen. I work for a construction company. Full of men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 003

You deserved it 32 623

31/12/2015 18:15

Today, I woke up to the sound of my psycho ex trying to break down my apartment door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 654

You deserved it 1 636

21/04/2009 03:14

Today, when I was walking in to the grocery store, a van pulls up and a bunch of guys get out who look really drunk. I jokingly said to the sober-looking man who had driven the van "Sucks you have to be the designated driver!" Turns out the "Drunk" guys were actually mentally challenged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 747

You deserved it 68 075

13/02/2012 07:09

Today, I got a text from my mom saying, "I heard the cupcake store got robbed. Where are you?" Then she texted back, "Oh never mind, they wanted money, not cupcakes. It wasn't you." Very funny, Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 791

You deserved it 5 019

Thank you for your service

By Anonymous - 07/08/2021 16:01

Today, we have a double driveway, but after my wife left, someone parked in my wife’s spot, presumably to avoid the public car park fee a few streets away. I called a tow company and very specifically asked them to tow the intruding red car, but they towed my black work truck instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 025

You deserved it 99

05/02/2016 20:33

Today, I watched in horror from the other room as my boyfriend picked the biggest, slimiest booger I've ever seen, then lowered it into his mouth and licked his finger clean. I very nearly threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 081

You deserved it 2 694

20/01/2012 10:42

Spicy

Today, I got bored looking at porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 164

You deserved it 39 460

09/08/2011 04:59

Spicy

Today, I finally noticed that my wife only shaves her bush when she goes on "business trips." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 552

You deserved it 5 146

Same

By Anonymous - 08/01/2015 14:24

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me that he gets more pleasure out of using a Q-tip than he does having sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 849

You deserved it 6 050

I don't need to see this

By Anonymous - 09/12/2020 06:32

Today, I found out that my best friend likes the same person as I do, but she doesn’t know that I'm in love with him, and she keeps sending me their flirty texts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 685

You deserved it 277

Mask confusion

By clairebear99 - 08/06/2021 08:01

Today, my coworker screamed at me for once again calling her by a different coworker's name. They have the same hair, skin color, and body type, so I honestly don’t know how I’m supposed to tell them apart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 346

You deserved it 1 377

19/02/2012 11:17

Today, I was on the subway head bobbing to my favorite track when the guy across from me gets up, punches me in the face and says, "Don't nod at my wife like that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 881

You deserved it 3 958

Awkwaaaaard

By notwhatithought - 21/08/2015 19:43

Today, the professor I've had a crush on informed me that there's only one way left I could still pass his course. Thinking this was an attempt to flirt with me, I told him I'd do anything he could imagine. He then looked confused when he asked me to write an essay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 217

You deserved it 33 506

Dating is hell

By CEO - 10/05/2014 02:37

Spicy

Today, I went on a date for the first time since my divorce was finalized a year ago. The first question the guy asked me was what my favorite sex position is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 533

You deserved it 6 469

09/07/2016 07:36

Today, just like the past 2 weeks, I'm so broke that I only got to eat dinner because I went on a first date with a guy from Tinder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 379

You deserved it 2 662

29/09/2013 21:12

Today, at work as a cashier, I was scanning cantaloupes. The man buying them then looked me straight in the eye and said, "Nice melons." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 649

You deserved it 4 932

10/03/2013 09:09

Today, my girlfriend decided to get a new haircut. Now, she hates the haircut and blames me for, in her words, "turning me into something I'm not". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 081

You deserved it 2 998

15/03/2014 21:02

Today, four days after making a $100 bet with my balding, pedo-stache wearing dad over who could get a girlfriend first, he came home and introduced me to his new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 849

You deserved it 11 606

09/03/2012 19:04

Today, I faked being sick so I could weasel out of a chemistry test at school. Happy that I pulled it off, I posted my accomplishment on Facebook. I forgot that I'm friends with my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 980

You deserved it 74 836

Not this again

By Kurochrome - 18/07/2011 05:09

Today, after spending over $1000 on plane tickets, I'm visiting my family for the first time in five years. Two hours after I arrived, everyone is screaming at each other and taking their rage out on me. They still ask why I never visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 185

You deserved it 3 510

18/10/2011 04:50

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. He didn't know how to take off my bra and insisted that he'd figure it out on his own. He gave up a couple seconds later and played video games instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 778

You deserved it 6 369

01/08/2014 05:24

Today, I got sent to the head teacher's office for doing "stupid hand gestures and disrupting the class". Yesterday my teacher told the class to do the same hand gesture to ask for permission to go to the toilet so it wouldn't interrupt her talking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 684

You deserved it 3 267

29/05/2012 17:50

Today, I spilled my guts to my girlfriend, saying I'm scared that all I do is upset her. I then had to sit through a speech about how upset she was that I hadn't told her sooner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 003

You deserved it 4 770

12/06/2009 05:33

Today, I was helping an old man find a pair of shoes. I told him about a particularly comfortable pair but had to inform him that they only came in black or white. Hearing this, the old man grabbed me around the neck and began to beat me in the head with our display shoe. He wanted brown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 062

You deserved it 4 216

09/04/2013 11:05

Spicy

Today, I refused to go down on my boyfriend of 9 months. He then shoved me off the couch and, half crying, yelled that I was the third girl this week to turn him down. After sobbing for a bit, he looked me in the eyes and said, "I need you to do this so I can prove my manhood." FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 165

You deserved it 12 224

30/06/2009 02:23

Today, I was at work lifeguarding and saw a kid drowning on the far end of the pool. I decided running would be the quickest way to get to her, but as I ran across the pool deck I slipped and hit my head. The kid's mother jumped in to save her child and then called an ambulance for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 940

You deserved it 13 921

Whoop-di-scoop-di-poop

By lindora - 14/09/2020 17:00

Today, I counted 3 weeks since my new roommate scooped the poop out of her two cats' litter boxes. Also, she keeps rubbing in my face that she takes such good care of the cats, and I can only pretend to nod in agreement. There’s five more months on the lease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 141

You deserved it 194

Fixed it

By JLO - 18/08/2011 14:11

Today, I noticed that a picture of me on my mum and dad's wall looked different. On closer inspection, I realised they'd recently painted over my teeth with white paint. I asked them why, and they said they looked 'discoloured'. It's my wedding photo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 909

You deserved it 3 642

Anti Joke

By Anonymous - 14/02/2014 21:39

Today, a guy called customer support, claiming his internet wasn't working. I asked for his customer details, and he gave his name as Mike Hunt. I recognized the old joke, called him an idiot, and hung up on him. It turned out that was his real name. I'm now on suspension. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 757

You deserved it 36 239

11/06/2012 23:39

Today, I talked to my father for the first time in several years. I proudly told him that I have been attending Beauty School. He looked me up and down and said, "Doesn't look like you've learned much." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 494

You deserved it 3 244

23/09/2010 11:18

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I was unsuccessful at a job interview, and she didn't want to be with someone who "has no future". She's unemployed too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 004

You deserved it 4 033

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Sunday 15 March 2009 16:01

Those "before" pictures usually have "after" pictures to go with them.... So on the bright side, maybe you could get some free skin care products out of the deal as well?

Mistress_Puppy 0

Send a private message

Sunday 15 March 2009 15:44

Wow but um....at least you can get paid for it. I would have been a little hurt but once he showed me that check, I've been alright about it. xDD

Comments

pinkfrenchrose 5

Send a private message

Sunday 15 March 2009 15:41

I woulda been pissed. xD Just be glad it wasn't wart removal. ;)

Send a private message

Monday 8 February 2010 3:58

EVERYONE gets acne. I don't know why people are judged for it, they have no control over hormones.

Send a private message

Thursday 24 June 2010 18:25

Uh, #45... no. I have never had ACNE. And I'm 22. The occasional pimple, yes, but not acne x(

Send a private message

Thursday 20 March 2014 6:45

Sadly, the occasional pimple is what people refer to when they say acne these days. It's quite retarded.

Mistress_Puppy 0

Send a private message

Sunday 15 March 2009 15:44

Wow but um....at least you can get paid for it. I would have been a little hurt but once he showed me that check, I've been alright about it. xDD

Send a private message

Friday 2 December 2011 2:13

You really don't get paid all that much for commercials. Maybe 500 for a high end main "character" in it. Most are only like 50 bucks or so.

Send a private message

Sunday 15 March 2009 15:46

Think before you speak... you could end up in much worse situations.

msw52 0

Send a private message

Sunday 15 March 2009 16:01

Those "before" pictures usually have "after" pictures to go with them.... So on the bright side, maybe you could get some free skin care products out of the deal as well?

Send a private message

Monday 13 May 2013 2:02

But then again, the after pictures don't really look much like the before pictures, at all.

Send a private message

Thursday 20 March 2014 6:48

It's called Photoshop, much easier for them. And infinitely more reliable and effective at removing acne.

FunniestGuyEver 0

Send a private message

Sunday 15 March 2009 16:15

wash your face

Send a private message

Thursday 24 June 2010 18:30

HAHAHAHAHHAA I laughed at this comment for EVER!

Send a private message

Thursday 16 September 2010 6:17

lol

Send a private message

Thursday 25 August 2011 21:52

This comment isn't that funny...

anormalperson 25

Send a private message

Friday 22 April 2016 7:51

I think #48 might be referring to #5s username.

Send a private message

Sunday 15 March 2009 16:16

aw thats awful :[

Send a private message

Sunday 15 March 2009 16:41

aww :( yeah the only upside is perhaps free products? :p

briannanicoleee 0

Send a private message

Sunday 15 March 2009 17:18

i mean, i wouldn't even be mad, esp. if i knew if i had acne, be glad he even picked you, you get paid!

EMG1 0

Send a private message

Sunday 15 March 2009 17:22

Money plus getting your face cleared? I'd do it!

Send a private message

Sunday 15 March 2009 17:37

if u wanna make it to the top, u gotta start at the bottom...HAHA. hey, money is money...at least its not for a herpes commercial or something hahaha