Today, a girl who has had a problem with me for as long as I can remember, tagged me in a Facebook status update in which she equated my intelligence to that of a mollusk and equated my weight to that of a hippopotamus. My boyfriend, as well as several of my "friends," liked it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my friends told me that my girlfriend of over a year and a half refers to me on Facebook, Twitter and Snapchat as "the monster I can't get rid of." FML
Today, I was scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed and I noticed my boyfriend had commented on a post. It said, "Tag the hottest girl you know". Yeah, he tagged his ex. FML
Today, while bored at work I was reading an article online about the local zoo and its animals. I received an email so quickly responded, but when signing off accidentally wrote "thanks hippo" instead of "thanks heaps". To a woman with a weight problem. Who also outranks me. FML
Today, after feeling fat and ugly and a bit depressed, I logged on to Facebook to see my boyfriend had posted "I have the most beautiful girlfriend in the world!" I 'liked' it and commented "Aww thank you baby!" I logged in later to see that he commented back saying "I didn't mean you." FML
Today, my girlfriend started insulting me on Facebook. Angry and hurt, I let it all out and insulted her back with her obesity. Turns out it was her brother who used her account to play a "prank" on me. FML
Today, my boyfriend thought it appropriate to let me know that doing the "duck face" in my Facebook pictures "highlights my mustache." FML
Today, my girlfriend threatened to break up with me because I don't like her Facebook statuses enough. FML
Today, I posted a picture of me without makeup on Facebook. A "friend" commented, "fuk me thts hideus!!" My dad replied, "Hideous, yes, just like your godawful spelling!" My mom yelled at my dad for agreeing with the guy, and they're still fighting. Meanwhile, my self-esteem is in the gutter. FML
Today, on Facebook, I mentioned that I'd just finished reading the novel Pet Sematary. Two hours later, I'd lost two friends and my boyfriend, after they commented "learn to spell, dumbass", "u illiterate fucker", and "well, I'm not dating you for your brains, am I?" I hate humanity. FML
Today, I found out my “boyfriend” is going out with me because he feels sorry for me. He and his friends have a group chat where they call me “Miss Piggy” and post fat jokes about me. I have a thyroid condition and hurt both my knees in an accident, so it’s really hard for me to be in shape. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
tencentsakiss 19
But hippos are awesome. Be happy. Also if you are a hippo, then kill her as the mindless killing machine that you are.
Fortuitous 0
Tell the bitch to suck a chode and stop hating on Squidward.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (164)
fruityloopz 4
i don't see where she says "skinnier" in this FML
tencentsakiss 19
Look at the username.
thisisLAUREN 0
her username
H3ALTHFR3AK 0
they're probably kicking themselves over miss-spelling "skinnier" in the username. There have been so many smart-ass comments about it. lmao
PrincessRavishin 0
More like dumb ass comments. it's more likely a typo than a spelling error.
TheLetterZero 7
And I say it's more likely a misspelling than a typo. This statement holds equal water. When you find some proof, then you can come back and insult the others here.
skyeyez9 25
Learn from your Hippo spirit: Hippos kill more people than crocodiles and lions combined in Africa. They're bad assed, ill tempered, built like a brick shithouse...so go all Moto Moto on their asses.
TempestRain 0
I love that!
newzealand 28
#15 FTW !!
artex1024 0
You know you're not required to add someone as a facebook friend, right? Especially if she didn't like you to begin with.
mintcar 10
Hahahaha, since this is an FML, I'm guessing she compared your intelligence to class Gastropoda due to your "slow" thinking. Too bad she didn't compare you to a Cephalopod, like an octopus for example. They are highly intelligent and they also happen to be in the same Phylum. FYL. Oh and about the hippo, i think hippos are cute if that makes you feel better. Hahaha, FYL.
C6Racer 0
You sure like that "if it feels better" phrase, don't you?
C6Racer 0
"if it makes you feel better" *
mintcar 10
Maybe.
wombledn 0
I actually feel more sorry for hippos and mollusks for being compared to you. now fyl.
ScaryyMary 14
...If you have a problem with her, or she has a problem with you, why are you Facebook friends?
Starfire22 5
I was wondering the same thing...
imsogangster13 0
well then why the **** is she your friendd on Facebookk , dumbbass .
rockhound 0
did you just call her a dumb fish?
tencentsakiss 19
Damn 53, you stole my joke.
PrincessRavishin 0
I like dumb bass references as insults more than dumb ass. At least a fish COULD be dumb.. where as an ass lacks a brain.. unless the ass on trial is meant in the biblical sense (it says dumb ass in the bible) and you're commenting on the op being struck mute and being a donkey.. dumb halibut..
YigalElohev 2
Delete her ass and dump all those bitches.
iheartglasses 0
Keep your friends close and enemies closer. Its no wonder they are friends on FB. BUT, if it makes you feel any better OP, that was extremely juvenile of her to do so and I would be on the look out for some different friends and boyfriend. It will make her angrier for you to do nothing than to lower yourself to her level :)
bankrupt 15
Well said. I was thinking this but you beat me to it.
arcades_fire 0
YDI for being her friend on facebook in the first place. What the hell did you think was going to happen?