Love: Today, after feeling fat and ugly and a bit depressed, I logged... - FML

By deserved - United States

Today, after feeling fat and ugly and a bit depressed, I logged on to Facebook to see my boyfriend had posted "I have the most beautiful girlfriend in the world!" I 'liked' it and commented "Aww thank you baby!" I logged in later to see that he commented back saying "I didn't mean you." FML

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Dangling modifier

Vulture

Time's up

By Guess - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend of nine months that depression runs in my family and I think the reason I've been flipping shit so much lately may be that I am depressed. Not five minutes later he decided a break would be "the best thing for us right now." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pueblo

Today, at work, a good song came on and I started dancing to it. I guess security thought my Michael Jackson crotch-grab was funny, because a printout of it is now pinned in our break room. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my friend showed me a creepy piece of artwork he'd drawn. I laughed and said that it would give me nightmares, meaning it as a compliment. Turns out, this one was in honor of his dead grandmother, who'd raised him. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Olathe

Today, I was watching TV with my grandma. I said aloud, "Dang, that actor is hot." My grandma pointed out he was a spitting image of my cousin. I realized she was right, and that I may as well be attracted to my own cousin. FML

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By jezusflowers - United States

Today, I stopped at a red light. I noticed the car in front of me had the reverse lights on. I thought to myself "Meh, that person must know. They wouldn't do that." The light turned green. Turns out they didn't. Nor did they have insurance. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my contact name in my girlfriend's phone is "Dipshit McFucktard". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was pulling into a parking garage space and using the next car over to judge where the wall was in front of me, but ended up whumping my front bumper as I pulled forward. Wondering what had happened, I got out to see that the car I was aligning myself against had hit the wall too. FML

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By royallymessedup - United Kingdom - London

Today, the price I paid to go on a kayaking trip in the sea was nothing compared to the price that my foot paid when it inadvertently stepped on a sea urchin halfway into the water. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized my job is so boring that I spend most of my time trying to take a dump than actually working. FML

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By Chuffy - United States - Fort Collins

Today, to help me get over my crippling social anxiety, my therapist encouraged me to sing in front of a crowd, since I actually have a fine singing voice. I ended up fainting onstage, mid-song. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Hightstown

Today, after moving into my new house, I woke up to strange sounds coming from the kitchen. I panicked and started sobbing, convinced it was either a robbery or a home invasion. Turned out it was just my cat. FML

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By Jen

Throw the book at him

Today, I got fired from my job at a library for hitting an old man with a book. In my defence, I had asked him about a massive water stain on a book he'd returned. He told me it was his cum, wanted to know if it excited me and then tried to touch my boobs. Dirty old pervert. FML

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By seriouslybored - United States

Today, I spent a full hour working on my British accent. FML

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By Genius

Today, I went to my fifth job interview in a month. While going over my CV, I found a watermark on the bottom of my cover letter that said it was generated by a template website. Yep, I gave all previous interviewers the same cover letter, with the same watermark. Can't wait to hear back! FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Arlington

Today, I returned home from an extended vacation only to find out my cousin wasn't kidding when he said he was going to steal my boyfriend. I thought I was dating a straight guy. FML

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By vron991 - United States - Wilmington

Today, I went to the store for some pads with my dad. We got them and then went to the cashier. That's when he realized that they were scented. He took one out of the box, sniffed it, made me sniff it, then insisted the cashier smell it. FML

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By ac-hoo - India

Today, the man of my dreams kissed me. It was everything I had imagined it would be until in the middle of the kiss, he burped. FML

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By JeezAndAges

Today, I walked in on my nineteen-year-old stepson masturbating into a pair of my panties. His excuse? He thought they belonged to my 17-year-old daughter. FML

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By LilaTheGreat - United States - Boyd

Today, I got into a car crash, in my own garage. FML

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By hatemyluck - United States - Bronx

Today, my boyfriend was showing me photos on his iPod when he came across a photo of a half-naked girl. He tried to play it off by quickly changing it, only to reveal even more half-naked girls. FML

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By Acne_problems

Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to do the deed and she started popping zits on my chest. Then she said that I was killing the mood because my cat was meowing. FML

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By mortifiedgrandchild - United States

Today, I came across a picture of my grandpa taking a hit off a bong, while wearing nothing but a Playboy shirt. FML

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By snapped - United States

Today, my 6 year old daughter asked me if the tooth fairy was real. I said yes, and she said she wanted to try to catch her. Later, she pulled out a tooth and put it under her pillow. I came in to take out the tooth and replace it with money. There were mouse traps behind her pillow. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I was checking out a gorgeous woman in spandex with beautiful flowing long black hair on the treadmill at the gym. I spent a few minutes just watching her body move and ripple under the material. She turned off the treadmill and got off, only for me to find out that it was a guy. FML

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By Lizzie - United States - Rockford

Today, we had a get together for work at a restaurant I've never heard of. After spending all week trying to make a good impression on my new boss and co-workers, I showed up in a pair of shorts and a Star Wars T-Shirt. Turns out it was one of the fanciest restaurants in town. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered that for the last six months my mother has been leaving my TV on FOX while I sleep, in the hope that my subconscious will absorb it and turn me into "a morally-upright human being". FML

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By cold - United States - Phoenix

Gasp

Today, I canceled all my plans because my boyfriend wanted to go on a date. He didn't mean with me. FML

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By wtfbabe

Today, my husband's dick went in the wrong hole. And by the wrong hole, I mean another man’s anus. FML

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By Tali - Australia

Today, my husband threw out all of the spices in the cupboard. When I asked him why he said, "Our cat was named Spicy and I can't stand to look at them." Our recently deceased cat's name was Dicey. FML

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By kmtranter - United Kingdom - Wembley

Today, I woke up to find my boyfriend using my hand to wank. FML

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By MerryDeathmas - Canada - Lloydminster

Today, after an argument with my girlfriend, I tried to be dramatic by slamming my car door shut as hard as I could. Something broke and now it won't open. Now I have to climb through the passenger's side just to drive my car to work. FML

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By anon - United States

Today, I took my dog for a walk. It became friendly with another dog, and I reached down to pet them both. Suddenly, an old woman runs up to me and whacks me with her cane repeatedly. Apparently, her previous dog had been kidnapped by a woman who looked a lot like me. FML

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By cheaters_should_die - United States

Today, I looked at my house in Google Street View for the first time and noticed an unfamiliar vehicle in the driveway. When I asked my wife about it, she admitted to have an ongoing affair. Apparently the entire world knew my wife was having an affair before I did. FML

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By ruvru - United States

Today, while lying next to me, my boyfriend smiled and told me, "I really like your eyes. They're pretty." He paused and then finished with, "They really help your face." FML

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By Eternal_Babyface - United States

Today, I was talking to a friend and bemoaning the fact that my new coworkers keep mixing up my gender. She looked at me critically and said, "Yeah, until you can grow a decent beard, people are going to keep thinking you're an intern or a butch lesbian." FML

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By joolsie - United Kingdom

Today, after a particularly gruesome nightmare about spiders due to my irrational phobia, I decided to try and desensitise myself by googling 'house spiders'. I can't stop the feeling of something crawling over every inch of my body, but at least I now know they can live up to six years. FML

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By gassy - United States

Today, I had my new boyfriend come over. Within five minutes of him arriving, I accidentally let one rip. Shocked, I quickly tried to explain it away with, "That was my shoe." I was barefoot. FML

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By Nirah - Canada - Parksville

Today, I'm a week into a prescription of extremely constipating antibiotics. I also just caught the stomach bug going around at work that causes aggressive diarrhea. The two combined mean I have a constant, slow-moving stream of thick, foul-smelling sludge coming out of me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, as I walked into the bank, I tripped and bumped into a security guard. He thought I was assaulting him, so he pinned me to the floor and called for backup as he held me at gunpoint. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/1/2021 01:59 - Jamaica - Kingston

Thanks for being so compassionate

Today, and for the past year, I've been struggling with depression because of family life. I've been talking to my mom for the past weeks, telling her things that happen when she isn't home as a way to build trust. I finally told her I have depression and have had had it for a long time. She laughed. FML

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Top comments

By donkey_hang_down | 2

#644726 - Thursday 29 October 2009 19:03

You are his mo-ped, you are fun to ride until his friends see him on you. The other girlfriend is the new Harley Davidson.

Sorry for your loss!

By Camy123_fml | 0

#644724 - Thursday 29 October 2009 19:02

Omg how sad!

:'(

COMMENTS

By Camy123_fml | 0

#644724 - Thursday 29 October 2009 19:02

Omg how sad!

:'(

Reply

neonokku | 0

#644879 - Thursday 29 October 2009 20:33

wow hes stupid

Reply

Penetration | 0

#645103 - Thursday 29 October 2009 22:39

Nah, it's what she gets for using the word "baby" as an affectionate term.
And for automatically assuming he was referring to her. Owned.

Reply

DanPin | 0

#645115 - Thursday 29 October 2009 22:43

Agreed. You shouldn't dump him as soon as possible.
Or cheat him. It can go both ways.
The matter is, DON'T LET HIM GET AWAY WITH THIS!

Reply

The_Pleb | 0

#645153 - Thursday 29 October 2009 23:01

Maybe if you made your guy a sammich he woudnt dump you for someone else!!!

YDI

Reply

Reyo | 2

#645283 - Friday 30 October 2009 0:53

Anyone else getting the vibe that this "boyfriend" isn't really her boyfriend?

Reply

lisafannypack | 0

#646758 - Friday 30 October 2009 22:57

well if they really were boyfriend and girlfriend, it would be natural for OP to assume that he was talking about her...

Reply

staffer | 0

#647079 - Saturday 31 October 2009 3:33

nop shes stupid for not knowing her boyfriend has another girlfriend, still shitty though.

Reply

jessenia123 | 27

#6295959 - Wednesday 20 May 2015 4:49

she should be the bigger person and not cheat on him she should just simply break up with him because he's an asshole

Reply

jessenia123 | 27

#6295963 - Wednesday 20 May 2015 4:51

your clearly the one who's stupid how would she know he has another girlfriend?

By donkey_hang_down | 2

#644726 - Thursday 29 October 2009 19:03

You are his mo-ped, you are fun to ride until his friends see him on you. The other girlfriend is the new Harley Davidson.

Sorry for your loss!

Reply

glorialaura21 | 8

#1183454 - Tuesday 3 August 2010 20:35

i love your hotdog picture! thts awsome! soo cute

By Kyomana | 0

#644738 - Thursday 29 October 2009 19:10

Whoooa what a jerk. Dump him. :[

Reply

spiffles | 0

#644775 - Thursday 29 October 2009 19:28

Murder him!!
With a rake :D

Reply

donkey_hang_down | 2

#644888 - Thursday 29 October 2009 20:37

Rape him with a rake

Reply

NessieWicked | 9

#644955 - Thursday 29 October 2009 21:21

lmfao, seriously.

By caticaticati | 3

#644745 - Thursday 29 October 2009 19:12

Do you have a sense of humor?
My boyfriend would SO do this, and I would know he's kidding.

Reply

Luv_my_life | 0

#644916 - Thursday 29 October 2009 20:55

haha yeah mine too!
though if your boyfriend does not have that kind of humour, I would not laugh either...

By spuuuddd | 0

#644747 - Thursday 29 October 2009 19:13

you are too good for a jerk like that. dump him.

By holliecopas | 0

#644754 - Thursday 29 October 2009 19:20

if he wasn't taking the mick, then i feel so sorry for you!

By voissurtonchemin | 0

#644756 - Thursday 29 October 2009 19:20

Ouch... He doesn't sound like a nice guy! Get out while you can, and leave the guy to his 'other' girlfriend... Unless he was joking. But still, not a very funny joke!

By iamspartacus2 | 0

#644764 - Thursday 29 October 2009 19:23

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By lkrofct | 0

#644773 - Thursday 29 October 2009 19:28

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

ChristineAnn58 | 8

#4635759 - Saturday 30 June 2012 22:26

You're a dick

By perdix | 29

#644778 - Thursday 29 October 2009 19:28

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

Samanthamkellyxo | 2

#3828742 - Wednesday 4 January 2012 11:13

LOL priceless.