Today, a girl who has had a problem with me for as long as I can remember, tagged me in a Facebook status update in which she equated my intelligence to that of a mollusk and equated my weight to that of a hippopotamus. My boyfriend, as well as several of my "friends," liked it. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my friends told me that my girlfriend of over a year and a half refers to me on Facebook, Twitter and Snapchat as "the monster I can't get rid of." FML
Today, I was scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed and I noticed my boyfriend had commented on a post. It said, "Tag the hottest girl you know". Yeah, he tagged his ex. FML
Today, while bored at work I was reading an article online about the local zoo and its animals. I received an email so quickly responded, but when signing off accidentally wrote "thanks hippo" instead of "thanks heaps". To a woman with a weight problem. Who also outranks me. FML
Today, after feeling fat and ugly and a bit depressed, I logged on to Facebook to see my boyfriend had posted "I have the most beautiful girlfriend in the world!" I 'liked' it and commented "Aww thank you baby!" I logged in later to see that he commented back saying "I didn't mean you." FML
Today, my girlfriend started insulting me on Facebook. Angry and hurt, I let it all out and insulted her back with her obesity. Turns out it was her brother who used her account to play a "prank" on me. FML
Today, my boyfriend thought it appropriate to let me know that doing the "duck face" in my Facebook pictures "highlights my mustache." FML
Today, my girlfriend threatened to break up with me because I don't like her Facebook statuses enough. FML
Today, I posted a picture of me without makeup on Facebook. A "friend" commented, "fuk me thts hideus!!" My dad replied, "Hideous, yes, just like your godawful spelling!" My mom yelled at my dad for agreeing with the guy, and they're still fighting. Meanwhile, my self-esteem is in the gutter. FML
Today, on Facebook, I mentioned that I'd just finished reading the novel Pet Sematary. Two hours later, I'd lost two friends and my boyfriend, after they commented "learn to spell, dumbass", "u illiterate fucker", and "well, I'm not dating you for your brains, am I?" I hate humanity. FML
Today, I found out my “boyfriend” is going out with me because he feels sorry for me. He and his friends have a group chat where they call me “Miss Piggy” and post fat jokes about me. I have a thyroid condition and hurt both my knees in an accident, so it’s really hard for me to be in shape. FML
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Top comments
tencentsakiss 19
But hippos are awesome. Be happy. Also if you are a hippo, then kill her as the mindless killing machine that you are.
Fortuitous 0
Tell the bitch to suck a chode and stop hating on Squidward.
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Comments (164)
yagurlteeteexoxo 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Fat so...
goldhighways 0
op may not be fat, the girl that posed the status just might be skinnier than she is, so she considers op to be fat
MonkeyBusiness_fml 3
Make yourself a sammich to get even.
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
No one comparable to a hippopotamus is in perfect shape.
calililly93 0
hippos are beautiful creatures in their own way. there are nothing wrong with hippopotami at all. =] besides OP, she's probably just jealous of you and finds the tiniest things to make into overexagerations.
perfect_jenny 0
haha, you say on your prof your "cool, outgoing, loving" ha realllly sound it calling someone on the internet you've never met fat....anyway she may be fat but your not exactly a looker are you...
2fknreaL 0
1st off learn how to write. If you're going to offend someone, do it correctly. Its fatso not fat so. You're ugly, look dirty, & are buck toothed. Holla! BTW positive the hair is fake. Raspberry!
mintcar 10
75, you need 2fckn calm down.
2fknreaL 0
As if you could make me! Buahahahahahahahahaha!
2fknreaL 0
Also you have ugly puffy eyes. Blow fish status...
Brannie 4
why do you even have her as a friend then?
2fknreaL 0
Agree. That is some of the dumbest shit I ever heard. It's called delete, YDI.
LittleMissSusie 0
I bet Ms Hippo doesn't wear a wig or look like a pin cushion, so I'm thinking she wins!
biass 0
Wow #1, you just got shot down. Many times. Ouch. =P
ilovehim58 0
your a ******* bitch ya know that? no one loves a bully
rizzkiyoshi 19
agreed
PrincessRavishin 0
#1- just read your profile. FYL for being: a cool, outgoing, loving, down to earth................. nothing.. Way to leave us all hanging..
omfgrofl1337 0
I love the fact that the seventy-fifth commenter corrected the first commenter's grammar when he doesn't know the difference between "Its" and "It's." Oh, he also failed in making his sentence parallel, which is also an error. That's pretty ironic.
mintcar 10
91, you fail so hard. You should also work on your insults. " Blowfish status" really isn't doing it for me.
2fknreaL 0
Motha fucka I put that damn apostrophe there! damn you auto correct!
2fknreaL 0
Also the insult came before Blowfish Status, that just echoed my feelings...
mintcar 10
2fknannoying, go away already.
far0057 0
you should be the last person to be prejudice against someone, "nigga"
2fknreaL 0
Shut up big eyed freak.
sherivengeance 3
#1 ...*tumbleweed rolls by; crickets chirp; a horse farts and a door to an empty saloon creaks as its rustled by the wind* your insult is just a retarded as mine.
jstone89 13
#128 You put a quotation mark after a period. That's not correct in that specific sentence. :) Since you were pointing out all of their flaws, I figured I'd point out yours.
Fortuitous 0
Tell the bitch to suck a chode and stop hating on Squidward.
Babushka_Homyak 10
I love Squidward. Win Spongebob reference.
Lolelephant 0
squids arnt mollusks....
mintcar 10
Squids are in the same Phylum as Mollusca. They're part of the Class Cephalopoda. So yes, squids are mollusks.
BadMofeelius 0
22 You couldn't be more wrong. OP, mollusks are actually quite intelligent if you didn't know..
mintcar 10
Yes, especially the octopus. I'm not too sure about the snails though. Lol.
BadMofeelius 0
I guess I should have said mollusks 'can' be quite intelligent. Whoops
2fknreaL 0
132 you're trying too hard.
2fknreaL 0
128 you used too much spacing...
stephanieeDawnx 0
134 & 135 You're too annoying..
tencentsakiss 19
But hippos are awesome. Be happy. Also if you are a hippo, then kill her as the mindless killing machine that you are.
tencentsakiss 19
Wait, i meant godless killing machine.
tencentsakiss 19
Disclaimer: I am completely joking and not actually suggesting that OP kill another human being. I claim no responsibility for any hacked up bodies recovered from OP's freezer.
glenzhao2 16
tencentsakiss=win
imcutefml 0
lol , id pay 10cents
deilajt 5
OP misspelled "skinnier" so.....
bethan1 4
I noticed that too perhaps she isn't smarter than a mollusk after all.
DONTrockMYroll 0
where?.
LexSwift 17
Her username
PrincessRavishin 0
Yup, must be misspelled, because it couldn't possibly be a typo.
greenalleycat 4
I enjoy that the OP spelt "skinnier" wrong thereby giving evidence towards the accusation of being stupider than a mollusk.
RedPillSucks 33
*more stupid than*
jocelyng_fml 0
where does it say skinnier
hahaalolz 0
the op's name
8trickster8 0
Clearly you aren't intelligent enough yourself to understand the difference between a typo and someone who actually doesn't know how a word is spelled. Do you really think that she thinks 'skinnier' is spelled 'skinner'?
PrincessRavishin 0
101 for the win. Typos are dirty *****.
LadyGore 12
A username can only be so long, she might have to shorten some words. Use some common sense, please.
Antoine_Dodson 0
LOL at your username OP.
GaryBusey1121 0
u should fart in a ziplock bag & mail it to them
bethan1 4
Are you 10?
GaryBusey1121 0
yrs old or inches? This is not the time or place to be hitting on Gary Busey. Good Evening ma'am
jwbbabe 9
Gary busey is hurt .
GaryBusey1121 0
Gary Busey is never hurt!!! He's strong as titanium, ladies
neuroticallyours 0
Oh Gary Busey isn't even Gary Busey, just some pathetic shlub with nothing better to do than impersonate crazy actors and comment on FML's. So yes who ever it is is probably ten... or at least emotionally.
neuroticallyours 0
Oh please. No one in their right mind would be hitting on some pathetic schmuck pretending to be Gary Busey. Who even does that?! I mean if you're going to impersonate someone, pick someone halfway worthwhile. Based on that I bet he is ten. Well, emotionally at least.
neuroticallyours 0
Stupid website. Telling me it didn't post my comment when it did.
xiar 0
I thought it was funny...
2fknreaL 0
Win for referring to yourself in 3rd person.
PrincessRavishin 0
83. too bad you can't delete one.. you should be embarrassed..
far0057 0
I thought it was funny, everyone on FML's is so aggressive
FYLDUDEE 3
Boyfriend? Friends? Sure.
Trollkilla 0
if this is really you in this picture, you need help.
FYLDUDEE 3
Its not me it's my BEAUTIFUL Andy Sixx. &He doesn't need help,he's perfectly fine:]
MisherzzSquisher 0
I was thinking the same
TeenieAmerica 9
Wow, that sucks. If you actually are hippo-sized, you should sit on them. That would be funny.
Ohh_Damnnn 0
I agree with #10, that would be really funny.
madasmercury 0
If she's so terrible, why did you add her as a friend on facebook?
mhzsleerdam 0
that makes sense lol
afroninjashuffle 0
don't people receive a notification for being tagged in something whether they added them or not?