Health: Today, a girl I've never met before came up to me and punched... - FML

By Anonymous - 22/01/2014 16:30 - United States - Tampa

Today, a girl I've never met before came up to me and punched me in the face, because she wanted to get suspended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 032

You deserved it 4 223

Late term

Walk the line

My new friends

By GiraffeLover - 11/01/2013 11:36 - Australia

Today, my 17 year old boyfriend's mother bought him a giraffe onesie. He refused to take it off and insisted on wearing it everywhere we go. We live in Australia and it's our summer now. So far he has passed out 3 times in public because he over heated, but he still won't take it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 199

You deserved it 7 048

By helpme - 24/11/2015 06:34 - United States - Annapolis

Spicy

Today, my anxiety cockblocked me. I was in the middle of a wank, about to come, when I suddenly freaked out and had to stop and check to make sure I didn't have any homework due tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 541

You deserved it 4 613

By iGotSkill - 31/10/2009 01:32 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her mom who had passed away years ago told her that I was cheating on her, telepathically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 226

You deserved it 2 894

By Anonymous - 10/10/2018 15:30

Today, my fiancée bought me a luxury getaway to the Maldives, complete with a five-star hotel and first-class plane tickets. Too bad she used my credit card, with all the money I was saving for our wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 210

You deserved it 312

By Anonymous - 09/05/2009 15:50 - United States

Today, I had to mow the lawn with a weedwacker because it rained a lot the past week and the push mower was broken. I started "mowing", and forgetting that I am mowing where the dogs go to the restroom, I absent-mindedly weedwack over dog poop. Which got flung into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 904

You deserved it 26 173

By Anonymous - 05/11/2015 21:24 - United States - San Francisco

Today, the only reason I have toilet paper is because someone decided to teepee my driveway and left an entire roll behind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 819

You deserved it 2 046

By Anonymous - 04/07/2015 01:12 - United States

Today, while on a cruise that I paid for, I was forced to babysit my 5 bratty nieces while my sister and her deadbeat boyfriend relaxed in the kid free zone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 381

You deserved it 5 341

By sisi9999 - 25/07/2011 04:14 - United States

Today, I learned that I'm allergic to hornets. I also learned that when your mom sprays a hornets' nest, and they come after you, that jumping in the pool doesn't help. They hover and wait for you to surface. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 933

You deserved it 3 565

Ghost

By Braden - 28/10/2021 17:00

Today, I texted the guy I went out with last night. He'd told me he’d text me when he got home, but he never did. Cracking a joke, I asked him if he was homeless or something, since he broke his word. He replied, “No, I’m just not that into you. Have a nice life.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 411

By elevatorjerk - 02/09/2009 13:01 - United States

Today, I was going to work and got in the elevator. I was going through my bag for my phone and asked the man in the elevator to push the button for me. He gave me a look of death before I realized he had no arms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 612

You deserved it 13 913

By patch91 - 05/04/2011 02:03

Today, I got in a car accident on the way to work. I received an abusive phone call from my boss saying he shouldn't have to cover my lazy ass. I was driving to cover his shift because he was too drunk to show up to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 825

You deserved it 3 163

Unwanted

By Anonymous - 28/04/2021 00:30

Today, I found out my mom had been telling everyone how independent I was and just wanted to be left alone. I was homeless when I graduated valedictorian from high school and wondering why no one would let me stay with them, even when it was snowing. Now I know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 415

You deserved it 67

By jake - 12/08/2012 15:49 - United States - Bend

Today, I invited my girlfriend over to a family lunch, planning to propose to her at just the right moment. My family was in on it, including my apparently disapproving mom, who kept causing a scene to grab my girlfriend's attention every time I went to pull out the ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 572

You deserved it 2 770

By Anonymous - 20/02/2013 22:55 - United States - Ithaca

Today, I discovered that when you suddenly get channels that you didn't have before, it doesn't mean there was a glitch and you're getting free TV, it just means that your son called the cable company and had your plan changed so you get every conceivable channel at a hugely increased price. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 675

You deserved it 5 238

By myles bevan - 09/09/2010 10:01 - United Kingdom

Today, whilst sat next to a old lady on a flight back to the UK, I exclaimed how I wished somebody would gag the crying baby a few rows behind us. Her reply was, "That's my grandson." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 115

You deserved it 39 855

Exercise One

By blah - 02/06/2020 23:00

Spicy

Today, while cuddling with my boyfriend, he started humping my leg and said, "I'm gonna hump the fatness out of you and make you beautiful." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 150

You deserved it 378

By cbarebo - 11/10/2009 17:21 - United States

Today, I went in my room to play my guitar. I found my Les Paul on the floor with all the strings missing. I later found out my grandma cut them off because I was playing "Devil's Music." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 668

You deserved it 3 682

By Anonymous - 06/08/2009 11:11 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend stacks things on me while I sleep. Apparently his record is 4 pillows, a textbook, and the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 794

You deserved it 22 935

By qld - 20/12/2016 10:57 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I got sunburnt to a crisp on the first day of my holidays away. Only 5 more days to go now, spent inside, trying not to burn more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 197

You deserved it 3 532

By cars hate me - 26/02/2017 11:00 - United States - Compton

Today, my car was rear-ended and totaled. Last year, during the same month, my previous car was rear-ended and totaled. I should just stop driving during the month of February. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 101

You deserved it 410

By Anonymous - 11/08/2013 18:11 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I had a dream in which I was being mugged. I started fighting the muggers off, while in reality, my fist smacked my wife in the face. Now she has a black eye, nobody believes my story, and they think I'm a wife beater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 320

You deserved it 5 938

By Fred - 26/05/2011 06:00 - Canada

Today, I went to hand in a resume. The secretary happened to be a girl I liked in high school. When leaving, I shook hands with the employer, waved goodbye to the girl, turned around and walked straight into a glass wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 045

You deserved it 6 537

By teepee - 13/11/2009 15:53 - United Kingdom

Today, I fell asleep in a lecture. I laughed at something amusing in Dreamworld, but the laugh came out as a prolonged creepy groan in Lectureworld. I woke up to see everyone within a 5 meter radius staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 057

You deserved it 13 966

By wetdreams - 05/02/2012 00:35 - Canada

Today, was the fifth night I've dreamed of brushing my teeth. I wake up about three times a night because as I spit in my dream, I actually spit on my face as I'm sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 091

You deserved it 3 180

By Anonymous - 31/05/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 598

You deserved it 34 297

By Anonymous - 02/10/2010 01:52 - United States

Today, my friends are going to see "The Social Network". They talked about it all through dinner, even though I was sitting right there and I hadn't been invited. When I asked about it, one of them said, "You wouldn't be interested", presumably because I don't use Facebook. He doesn't either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 642

You deserved it 3 327

By praise the prenup - 03/10/2012 00:04 - United States - Delaware

Spicy

Today, I found out that the landscaper my wife hired on my behalf wasn't kidding when he said he was going to trim my wife's bush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 748

You deserved it 3 018

By Sid - 10/04/2011 00:58 - United States

Today, my dog was barking at a squirrel in the yard. I opened the door to let him chase the squirrel. I went to look at the dead squirrel and found out it was the neighbor's chihuahua. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 659

You deserved it 41 633

By tannerrosetx_1 - 06/04/2015 11:44 - United States - Irving

Today, I was pickpocketed. I didn't realize until I stopped to get breakfast. I went back home to see that my dog had taken my wallet and had ripped and torn it up. I was pickpocketed by my own dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 058

You deserved it 3 708

By tammy999 - 31/01/2010 06:44 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend bumped into me at McDonald's. I was sitting alone at a table with a big mac, two large fries, a large drink and 1 case of chicken nuggets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 863

You deserved it 37 174

By nicetomeetyou2 - 25/09/2013 16:35 - Canada - Nepean

Today, a drunk man walked into my house at 2pm, screaming out, "Honey, I'm home!" He had the wrong house, but it looks like I've finally met my new neighbour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 639

You deserved it 3 493

By Dumbass - 10/01/2019 12:00

Today, I got too drunk at a party and cracked a tooth from opening a beer bottle with my teeth, farted something nasty in a room alone with someone, tried to climb a tree and fell out, and watched my crush make out with his new girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 3 903

By Anonymous - 31/08/2012 02:47 - United States - Fairfield

Today, I got rear-ended. An old woman got out and came over to my car window. I thought she was coming to apologize and trade insurance companies. Instead, she poured her soda on my head, ran back into her car, and drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 567

You deserved it 1 798

By jazthefish - 12/07/2010 19:42 - United States

Today, I drew a face on a balloon and pretended to make out with it. The balloon popped and shot to the back of my throat, where it got caught. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 769

You deserved it 71 626

By anon - 12/04/2011 10:09

Today, I wore a Stanford college T-shirt to school. My Spanish teacher took one look at it and said "You wish". FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 287

You deserved it 8 294

By single - 10/11/2010 02:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. He got on the bed on all fours and crawled towards me, saying "My precious... my precious" in Gollum's voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 324

You deserved it 7 595

Forever alone

By Anonymous - 18/08/2020 08:08

Spicy

Today, being a lonely exchange student, I slept with a guy from my dorm who I don’t genuinely like, just to show myself a good time. His equipment, fully deployed, was not even the size of my thumb and the entire business lasted less than 20 seconds. I was lonely enough to let him back in again. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 848

You deserved it 2 024

By Livingthedream - 12/08/2018 06:00

Today, I got home from a long day of work and saw a pile of dog puke on the kitchen floor. I went to get paper towels and found a pile of dog shit. With my foot. Both of my kids were home all day and left the piles for me to clean because "that's gross". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 873

You deserved it 440

By Anonymous - 23/12/2010 07:42 - United States

Today, a group of carolers was coming up my street, so I went out in the cold to wait for them. When they finally arrived, I waved and greeted them. They huddled up discussing something while pointing at me, then skipped my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 230

You deserved it 4 889

By Eric - 13/05/2011 02:19

Today, I saw my dad chugging a beer in the garage. Why is that so bad? He was hosting an AA meeting in the basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 551

You deserved it 2 884

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Top comments

AshaaFerreira 22

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Wednesday 22 January 2014 23:23

I hope it worked and you did not get punched for nothing...

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Wednesday 22 January 2014 23:24

Some people are simply imbeciles, OP. All you can do is roll with the blows and hope she broke her hand.

Comments

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Wednesday 22 January 2014 23:22

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Wednesday 22 January 2014 23:59

The fuck?? Hope she gets expelled instead

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Thursday 23 January 2014 0:34

and I hope that one day replies will be relevant to the comment.

kwyk 23

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Thursday 23 January 2014 1:56

By commenting this, am I making your hopes come true?

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Thursday 23 January 2014 15:13

Talk about a headache

AshaaFerreira 22

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Wednesday 22 January 2014 23:23

I hope it worked and you did not get punched for nothing...

persianninja 23

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Thursday 23 January 2014 0:54

OP just might have one of those faces

thisismylifesoo 11

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Wednesday 22 January 2014 23:23

^ killer punchline bro

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Wednesday 22 January 2014 23:24

Some people are simply imbeciles, OP. All you can do is roll with the blows and hope she broke her hand.

ThatGuyWhoTalks 10

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Wednesday 22 January 2014 23:28

If she broke her hand that would mean that she hit OP really hard.

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Wednesday 22 January 2014 23:30

Maybe OP has a jaw of steel and the other person had a fragile hand. We have to think of all the variables here.

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Thursday 23 January 2014 0:39

You must have never hit someone in the face. Its incredibly easy to hurt your hand if your form is off.

kwyk 23

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Thursday 23 January 2014 1:58

You make not having punched someone sound like a bad thing #39...

184886837272837 32

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Thursday 23 January 2014 3:12

#10 you'd be surprised how easy it is to break your hand by punching someone in the forehead. I know 3 different guys who've hit someone so hard that not only did they split the other persons eyebrows open, they also broke several bones in their hands. You should punch softer parts of the body, and if someone's swinging at you try to block with your elbows.

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Thursday 23 January 2014 5:07

Sometimes it isn't .Remember the variables.OP could have been in a suit of armor.OP could be super muscled and it was a 1st grader who punched her.

wellthen7154 12

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Wednesday 22 January 2014 23:25

At least she'll be suspended? She won't be around to bug you, I mean. That does stink OP, but better shes gone if she's willing to punch people to leave!

ChristianH39 30

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Saturday 25 January 2014 16:10

Personally I'd do everything I could to get her to stay in school, just so she doesn't get her wish

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Monday 29 June 2015 22:21

They said that they hadn't even seen the girl before, so she shouldn't have been bugging them in the first place, leaving this unprovoked

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Wednesday 22 January 2014 23:25

She could have at least done it to someone nobody likes....

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Wednesday 22 January 2014 23:34

maybe OP is that person :o

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Wednesday 22 January 2014 23:43

I'm crying for humanity.

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Thursday 23 January 2014 16:03

How so? Explain.

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Sunday 20 April 2014 21:07

#93 Asking how so is being butt hurt? Okay.

ThatGuyWhoTalks 10

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Wednesday 22 January 2014 23:26

Well... Did she get suspended?

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Wednesday 22 January 2014 23:27

What a selfish bitch. She could have vandalized to get suspended if that's what she really wanted...I swear some people really just don't think before they act.

ElricMustang 23

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Thursday 23 January 2014 4:28

Who the hell wants to get suspended though?!

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Thursday 23 January 2014 5:05

Maybe she wanted to have a party or wanted to stay home.People do that

ThatFancyPenn 18

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Thursday 23 January 2014 15:48

Vandalizing isn't a good way to get suspended because you usually have to pay for the damages. On another note, I think OP could press charges.

beerlaoisawesome 10

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Thursday 23 January 2014 15:49

Since when was vandalism not selfish?

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Thursday 23 January 2014 21:44

She should be punished for her actions! Suspend her rig- oh wait.

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Friday 24 January 2014 5:28

#82 vandalism can be, in most cases, cleaned up. Punching someone can cause a lot of emotional damage ect. Between the two I would say vandalism is less selfish, but thats just me. Not that I condone vandalism though ...

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Wednesday 22 January 2014 23:27

The suspense was just killing her... but sorry OP

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Wednesday 22 January 2014 23:28

Hope she got an in school suspension. But why would she even want a suspension? For a day off school? She could have just not gone to school..

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 50

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 4

Today, a guy drove an hour and a half to get to where I live, only to literally last less than 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 268

You deserved it 56