Today, my girlfriend broke up with me while I had a fever from...

By sick and lonely - United States - Rockford

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me while I had a fever from a stomach virus. I was shivering with cold sweats while she explained there was nothing wrong with our relationship, but she would regret not giving her cheating ex a second chance. FML

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Successful breakups

Love

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Vibe check

Phantom pooper

By Anonymous - 30/3/2020 14:00

The Shining

Today, I was babysitting my 4-year-old twin brothers yet again. I began to get desperate when they took my phone and would start crying every time I tried to take it back. My mother found me thirty minutes later, huddled in a corner, crying. I'm 27 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

928

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1201

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By yeah why not - Norway

Today, my dad had a little too much to drink. When he's that drunk, he likes to pepper me with a lot of random questions. He asked if I've ever tried hard drugs, and if I want to die. I answered no to both of the questions, and he demanded to know why not. FML

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34699

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By Butterfly - France

Today, I warned my boss that I couldn't take part in a very important meeting I've been working on for 6 months (my son is ill). "Never mind" he said, "We'll just put a pot plant on your seat". FML

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27771

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2990

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By Unemployed - United States

Today, my grandma picked up the phone. It was a man asking to speak to me. Instead of giving me the phone she decides to hang up on him, thinking it was some guy trying to "get with me." It turned out to be the call I've been waiting all week for... a call from a huge company about a job offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46628

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By Jen__ - Canada - Kitimat

Today, once again I was told I looked a bit like Lindsay Lohan. I can't figure out if they mean the young, good looking one, or the current cracked out rehab version. FML

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41127

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By SoccerBabe42 - Canada

Today, I went on a blind date. All my date would talk about was how he was 'really his own best friend.' FML

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27846

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3199

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By burnbabyburn - United Kingdom

Today, a student set me on fire while I was lecturing my class about proper lab safety. FML

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24223

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2108

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By kittydead - Canada

Today, when I was at my girlfriend's house, I farted and blamed it on the cat. I forgot the cat died 2 weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7906

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37067

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By Anonymous

Today, I got some news from two colleagues, one of whom just got married for the first time, and the other whose long-time wife was recently diagnosed with an advanced form of cancer. I wrote each of them a heartfelt note, which would've been thoughtful if I hadn't mixed up the recipients. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2988

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874

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I had to endure my father going on a sexist rant about how women shouldn't be allowed to go to university because it's "unrealistic" since "all women" become stay-at-home mums. This is the same man who threatened to kick me out if I dropped out of uni. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35481

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2870

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By FunFun in the Sun - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, I'm on spring break on a tropical island, visiting family I hadn't seen in years. They invited me out to eat, and won't take no for an answer. All of this would be wonderful, if it weren't for the fact that I've been vomiting to the point of expelling bile and dry heaving for the last two days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18178

You deserved it

1295

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By squishy - Canada

Today, I woke up with a ridiculous hangover and no memory of last night. I called my friend who told me that I was so trashed I ended up eating all the hamburgers and chicken fingers in her fridge. I've been a vegetarian for 15 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13904

You deserved it

51033

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By ohwell - United States

Today, I finally confessed to the guy I've liked for 2 years. I told him that I've really liked him for a long time and that I knew he had a girlfriend and I didn't expect anything from him, I just wanted him to know. His response: "Are you done? 'Cause I need to go to the bathroom." FML

I agree, your life sucks

55124

You deserved it

17262

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By embarassed - United States

Today, I got off work and checked my makeup in the mirror once I got in my car. I had a huge piece of spinach on my front tooth that no one told me about. I work the front desk of an upscale hotel and have been greeting guests all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27828

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5323

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By JBK06262009 - United States

Today, I was informed by my boss that he has been stealing quarters out of my change bowl to pay for his bus rides. He makes six times the amount I make. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35981

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2410

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By Anonymous

Alarmed

Today, after 5 hours of attempting to sleep, I began to finally drift off. Then, some fuckwit who'd parked his car right outside my door took 20 minutes to switch his alarm off. I have to be up in about 4 hours, after a 12-hour night shift, heading into another. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1514

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By freakedout - United States - Louisa

Today, my neighbor asked to come over and use my laptop. She showed up drunk, grabbed my boobs, and asked if I'd ever had a lesbian experience. We both have husbands and kids; the kids were in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57982

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5673

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By caiti - United States

Today, I had a job interview and things were going really well until I noticed the woman interviewing me staring at the inside of my elbow. I am recovering from a poison sumac rash, and each spot looks like a puncture wound from a syringe. I was dismissed before the interview was over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47188

You deserved it

4431

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, in a fit of jealousy over my recent muscle growth, my brother told our mom that I've only been going to the gym so I could smoke weed with my friends. She believed him and grounded me. FML

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45516

You deserved it

2935

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By ouch - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were playfully arguing about who loved the other more. After about a minute of this, my girlfriend walked over and kicked me in the crotch as hard as she could. She then said, "There, now you don't love me as much. I win." FML

I agree, your life sucks

52528

You deserved it

16821

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By life_sucks - New Zealand

Today, this huge wasp started flying around me. I freaked out and started running from it. Then I slipped, landed face-first in some dog poo, and got stung by the wasp on my leg. FML

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31936

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had my 3 year old son in the doctors office. During the exam, he informed the doctor that he doesn't sleep in mommy's bed anymore because mommy sleeps in her underwear and farts all night long. FML

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42127

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By Anonymous - United States - Bristol

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's a lesbian. And that she could only stay with me because I had a "girly face and voice". She also admitted to having a crush on my sister. FML

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61101

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By T - France

Today, I got the guts to call my dad for the first time in nine years. He said he "almost didn't remember" he "had another daughter." Another? FML

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35735

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By Poorfish - United States

Today, my fish's tank was all green and nasty, but I had no time to clean it because I woke up late, so the job was left to my mom. When I came back, the water level seemed high, and the fish looked a little strange, so I asked my mom what she did. She said "I cleaned the tank with chlorine!" FML

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50813

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By Anonymous - United States - Smyrna

PUA

Today, while jogging in the park, a confused elderly gentleman asked me for directions, so I told him how to get to where he needed to go. He paused for a long moment, then asked me if he could eat me out. FML

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25171

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By getyourownbike - United States

Today, I rode my bike to the store because I only had a few things to pick up. When I walked back out after five minutes, my bike was stolen. I had gone to the store to buy a new bike lock. FML

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48691

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By livgasms - United Kingdom

Today, my family decided it would be hilarious to catch the biggest moths they could and let them loose in my room. I'm terrified of moths and they thought it would be 'funny as hell' to watch me freak out. FML

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30675

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By Julie - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend was cheating on me. When I confronted her, she yelled at me for not noticing the signs sooner. FML

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43876

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By whymanwhy - Czech Republic

Today, I went on a date with a cute guy I met at a bookstore. He stood up and said he was leaving when I said that I didn't like 50 Shades of Grey, because he, "doesn't want to be near a bitch who doesn't know her place". He then told me to give him a ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38051

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3323

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By Myorafield - Australia - Glenwood

Today, my sister made a comment about my small boobs. I told her I'm actually a C cup, and she told me she "can't even C them". I just got roasted with a fucking pun. FML

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10590

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1300

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By swedishdude - Sweden

Today, I was at a party where I ate a bowl of disgusting snacks because I didn't want to drink on an empty stomach. I spent the next twelve hours trying to prevent the world from collapsing into millions of demonic shards, cause apparently that's what a large dose of magic mushrooms does. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21958

You deserved it

36793

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By Geckosrock99

Today, my iguana tried to eat my hand. Taking that as a sign of being hungry, I gave him a bowl of fruits and veggies. After he finished the bowl, he tried to eat my hand again. My iguana's an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13199

You deserved it

1770

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By Noname - United States

Today, I came back to my appartment to find that I couldn't watch certain channels on my tv. When I called the tv company I found out my parents had put a 'parental block' on all my favorite channels. Im 22 and rent an appartment with my friends. FML

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98423

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Summerfield

Today, my friend got pulled over. The cops searched the car and found a bong among the stuff we were moving to her new house. When they confronted her with it, she told them it must be mine and that she'd never seen it before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29333

You deserved it

2745

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By Blueberry - United States - Iowa City

Today, I was showering at my dorm. I had my clothes locked in a locker and my towel and robe hanging outside the stall. Someone took off with my towel and robe, which had my keys. I had to walk down three flights of stairs to get an extra key in nothing but a plastic shower curtain. FML

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25027

You deserved it

2387

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By Anonymous

Today, my neighbour's kitten got run over, so I bought her chocolate as comfort food. When I gave it to her she joked, "Now I'm going to get fat." It was at that moment that my brain stepped out and my mouth took over and I heard myself say, "You deserve it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

2325

You deserved it

820

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By 713 - United States

Today, the girl I like sent me a Facebook message telling me how the message I left on her phone was one of the funniest drunk dials she's ever gotten. I'm debating whether or not I should tell her that I don't drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32411

You deserved it

4164

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By Anonymous - Canada - London

Today, I finally gave in to my long-distance boyfriend's requests and texted him dirty things. Any time I would send him something, he would reply, "What?" or "What do you mean?" Either I'm not doing this right, or I'm in a relationship with the most innocent person ever. FML

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52781

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By hunchbackofnotredamn - United Kingdom - Southam

Today, I had to stand up on a train for my 4-hour journey. Why? Two pregnant women flew into unbridled rage with me over sitting in the priority seating, saying I was selfish. I'm recovering from spinal surgery. FML

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32255

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Top comments

By Tripartita | 44

#6679327 - Saturday 27 August 2016 21:15

(Insert generic comment about how you're somehow lucky to have gotten dumped in such a bad way because… uh… it might save you trouble later, ignoring the fact that the actual FML is getting dumped at all and finding out that you have feelings for somebody so messed up. Mention bullets if necessary.)

By kyrthrix | 14

#6679298 - Saturday 27 August 2016 20:58

Dodged that bullet.

COMMENTS

By kyrthrix | 14

#6679298 - Saturday 27 August 2016 20:58

Dodged that bullet.

chessdude | 8

#6680464 - Monday 29 August 2016 13:59

More like received the bullet

By lolerm8 | 12

#6679301 - Saturday 27 August 2016 20:58

hope you get better!

By IsaGui | 13

#6679302 - Saturday 27 August 2016 20:59

Good riddance!

By joeyl2008 | 29

#6679303 - Saturday 27 August 2016 20:59

You'll be better off. Unless you die.

thatweirdasian | 22

#6679499 - Sunday 28 August 2016 2:59

The second sentence was pretty unnecessary.

By Odin1624 | 12

#6679304 - Saturday 27 August 2016 21:00

You got lucky, at least she didn't drag it any further making you develop more feelings, you dodged a nuke

vh_musiclover | 16

#6679310 - Saturday 27 August 2016 21:03

She could've waited until his cold went away at least.

By _Desiderata_ | 9

#6679319 - Saturday 27 August 2016 21:10

Damn... Sorry about the cold (I'm also talking about that chick's ice cold heart).

interesting33 | 36

#6679417 - Saturday 27 August 2016 23:52

I think it is bad to dump OP whilst he is ill but the gf was honest. She didn't cheat (by the sound of it) and it wouldn't have been right to keep dating OP I think.

_Desiderata_ | 9

#6679453 - Sunday 28 August 2016 0:59

#32, I doubt the gf realized her decision that very morning. It actually sounds like she's been thinking about this for a while, which means she could have brought it up before OP got sick in the first place, or have the decency to wait a few more days.

By ohsnapword | 21

#6679325 - Saturday 27 August 2016 21:14

Get better then go bang her best friend. She'll come crawling back to you.

Lalala579121 | 27

#6679345 - Saturday 27 August 2016 21:43

She wouldn't come crawling back, because OP wouldn't be cheating on her.

jake_braves | 25

#6679362 - Saturday 27 August 2016 22:07

Not gonna work, but you can still go and bang her best friend. If she's into you. You never know, maybe she was into you at the same time and decided to back off. That is a long shot but if it's true much respect to her.

edward_cooper | 10

#6679800 - Sunday 28 August 2016 14:23

what if her bestie is an ugly smelly fatty?

By Tripartita | 44

#6679327 - Saturday 27 August 2016 21:15

crudeandrudeguy | 29

#6679368 - Saturday 27 August 2016 22:16

Finally someone said it...

Super_manic | 1

#6679405 - Saturday 27 August 2016 23:31

You forgot a closing caption

katachristic | 19

#6679416 - Saturday 27 August 2016 23:52

Yeah, the unmatched paren bugs the hell outta me.

Namenlos_fml | 20

#6680100 - Sunday 28 August 2016 23:51

Well that it. This post is over. Onto the next one

By species4872 | 19

#6679329 - Saturday 27 August 2016 21:17

Could be worse, the ex could be your doctor.

By xxDeeStar | 27

#6679341 - Saturday 27 August 2016 21:40

She wasn't there when she was most needed. She failed. Screw her. Sorry you had to hear such sensitive news when you were already in a bad situation.

You deserve someone better! Don't let her near your life again OP. She definitely doesn't deserve a second chance if she comes back in the future.