Transportation: Today, I received our gas bill for about £200. My flatmate felt...

By Anonymous - 06/02/2010 12:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I received our gas bill for about £200. My flatmate felt that this was extortionate and therefore phoned up our gas company and angrily told them to recalculate the bill. They did. We now owe £300. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 457

You deserved it 5 048

Transportation

Own it

Best teeth in the game

My little boy

By BritneyFink - 04/02/2009 21:05 - Canada

Today, I bought a jacket with real fur on it. Turns out, i'm allergic and now my ears look like they have herpes on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 296

You deserved it 47 646

By clueless2 - 20/02/2009 15:38 - United States

Today, I woke up happy because I'd met the man of my dreams at a bar. We had shared an amazing night together. I walked around my apartment, wondering where he'd went. Turns out, he was gone. So was my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 223

You deserved it 27 651

By stillshakinggd - 28/11/2012 21:16 - United States

Today, I was mugged at gunpoint by a senior citizen. She now has a lousy $20, and I probably have PTSD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 388

You deserved it 2 705

By Anonymous - 25/10/2012 09:58 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my boyfriend found a take-out menu under my bed. It's probably been there for months. He looked at it and said, "Well, that explains a lot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 660

You deserved it 4 672

By -.- - 13/04/2014 22:16 - United Kingdom - Epsom

Today, my dad found out that I'm a member on a bodybuilding forum and decided to join it too. It's only been a few hours, but he's already told everyone that he's my dad, posted that I'm a "total pussy in real life", and questioned my sexuality. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 209

You deserved it 5 192

Missed opportunities

By Gail - 05/04/2021 00:30

Today, I told my wife I walked away from a £5000 bet I had a good chance at winning, because I refused to embarrass myself in public. She responded with a Star Trek reference, "Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack, rule of acquisition 109." My god, I married a heartless nerd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341

You deserved it 1 122

By Cody1324 - 04/12/2018 15:30

Today, my girlfriend of 4 years is better friends with my younger sister and when she has free time to go out and do something, she would rather spend it with her than with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 505

You deserved it 383

By Bear - 01/02/2009 17:38 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my Mum and Dad having sex and didn't even realize what they were doing until she shouted at him to go harder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 291

You deserved it 5 937

By Anonymous - 04/01/2011 03:35 - United States

Today, I had a job interview. The interviewer asked me to give 5 adjectives describing myself. I listed 7. The last one being "listener." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 067

You deserved it 37 282

By Anonymous - 02/10/2011 20:35 - United Kingdom

Today, at work, my boss went to the single-stall bathroom on our floor. The next thing I know, I'm on suspension pending review because some asshole left an upper-decker in the toilet. Since I'm the office prankster, all suspicion is now on me. I've been framed by my own colleagues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 842

You deserved it 14 825

By I shaved my legs for this - 02/08/2018 01:30

Today, I prepared for my first date in two years. I shaved my legs, did my hair and nails, painted my face, found the perfect outfit, then waited for hours for a man who never came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 188

You deserved it 307

By owwthatfarts - 27/01/2017 11:53 - United States - Worcester

Today, one of my preschool students hit me in the nuts in front of my whole class. If that wasn't bad enough, the blow to my crotch instantly triggered a very audible fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 961

You deserved it 505

By ftt - 06/12/2016 15:22

Today, Facebook notified me a "friend" had tagged me in one of his photos. It was a group photo of 20, but my face was the only one that was intentionally blocked out with an emoji because I "didn't belong in the group." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 287

You deserved it 582

By Anonymous - 03/11/2010 17:14 - United States

Today, after 30 minutes of pre-heating the oven to make a special meatloaf for my husband's birthday, I remembered that I had hidden the cake in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 621

You deserved it 31 992

By thjeltz - 27/10/2010 18:48 - Canada

Today, I was showering at hockey practice. It would have been business as usual, if not for one of my teammates playing with his junk and not-so-subtly asked me to connect. There are 5 more months of hockey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 873

You deserved it 3 053

By lohandork - 22/05/2016 17:33 - United Kingdom - Roehampton

Today, a motorist yelled at me for texting and driving. I was too ashamed to admit that I'd been admiring the bogey I'd just picked from my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 147

You deserved it 11 078

By oh no - 29/01/2013 14:51 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I went to the grocery store with my boyfriend. I wasn't feeling well so I wasn't paying too much attention to his usual antics. Since he thought I was ignoring him, he decided to grab me roughly by the stomach to give me a hug. I ended up puking right in the middle of the aisle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 388

You deserved it 3 441

Double crossed

By ??? - 19/07/2020 05:01

Today, I found out the best man at my wedding was banging my wife after years of being married. My best man was my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 291

You deserved it 146

By Anonymous - 27/03/2018 22:00 - United States - Papillion

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating on me with my best friend. He actually had the balls to say her leg was asleep and he was trying to wake it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 344

You deserved it 339

By izaya - 05/07/2015 16:26 - United States - Muskogee

Today, I woke up with a electric dog collar on my neck. I wouldn't have noticed it until my stepfather turned the collar to the highest intensity just to wake me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 025

You deserved it 2 101

By fme - 08/12/2010 14:34 - United States

Today, I was making out with this guy, and I ask him if he wants to take my bra off. He has some trouble getting it off and says, "This is strange, I do it for my sister all the time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 034

You deserved it 6 289

By Arachnaphobic - 22/11/2009 08:35 - United States

Today, when putting something away on a high shelf, something small and black fell down my cleavage. I thought nothing of it and finished the task at hand. When I pulled out the neck of my shirt later to find it and looked down, glaring up at me from my boobs was a large, disgruntled spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 188

You deserved it 4 762

By Anonymous - 25/03/2013 21:53 - Netherlands - Drachten

Today, I was yelled at by a customer because I wouldn't give her a new iPhone 5 for free to replace her broken Nokia, which she threw out the window in "blind rage". I felt awful having to thank her for calling. Sadly, this is a daily event. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 681

You deserved it 2 679

Strange kind of porn

By Jeanine - 13/05/2021 20:01

Today, I had to admit to myself that recently my biggest kink was watching Sam Seder debate libertarians. My oh my, watching him dunk on them on YouTube gets me hot and bothered. This feels wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 721

By mizzleshizzle - 09/03/2010 18:42 - Canada

Today, I dropped my physics class because I thought I bombed the 50% second midterm test. I got my results an hour after dropping online. I finished with an 83. I can't get back into the course. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 278

You deserved it 64 616

By rubber_duckie177 - 24/09/2009 11:25 - United States

Today, my sisters and I were throwing my mom a birthday party. Since I'm not good at baking, I ordered her a really nice and expensive cake. As my daughter and I were headed out the door, she told me she had added some sprinkles to make it pretty. It was the silica beads from a package. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 949

You deserved it 4 005

By some people... - 19/09/2013 05:35 - United States

Today, a man at the comic book store I work at asked me if Spider-Man is based on a real story, and verbally abused me when, thinking he was joking, I laughed. He wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 775

You deserved it 3 518

Magic underwear

By Anonymous - 10/01/2022 22:59

Today, my date decided not to have sex with me after she saw I wear Y-fronts, Tighty Whities to some of you, instead of boxers, so she couldn’t take me seriously as a grown man wearing underwear normally worn by children under 10 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 822

You deserved it 1 671

By BrokeandDesperate - 06/12/2011 07:03 - United States

Today, a 65 year old toothless gas station attendant asked me out on a date in exchange for free gas, and I said yes. This is what my unemployment has come to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 410

You deserved it 8 271

Cash dispenser

By Anonymous - 19/06/2020 20:08

Today, my daughter is engaged to her soon-to-be fifth husband. She's 32 and refuses to believe she's the problem in relationships, and she wants me to pay for this wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 859

You deserved it 171

Disinterested

By lily - 13/09/2020 14:01 - United States

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I slightly opened my eyes during it and saw him with his eyes wide open, watching TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 310

You deserved it 314

By Anonymous - 13/03/2010 19:01 - United States

Today, I visited my family for spring break because I've been away at college and I haven't seen them since Christmas. Almost as soon as I walked in the door, my mom had me clean the living room area, clean up cat vomit, and do the dishes. Thanks guys... I missed you too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 538

You deserved it 3 078

By SnowyConcussion - 23/12/2009 14:30 - United States

Today, after spending the past 4 days asking both my husband and my father-in-law to salt our sidewalk, I slipped on the ice. I hit my head on our concrete stairs. While holding ice on my head, my father-in-law pats my head and says "I'll go get some salt." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 854

You deserved it 9 002

Security check

By Kammy - 01/03/2009 23:38 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and his family had invited me to go on a tropical family trip with them. When we got to the airport, security stopped me and opened my carry-on bag. I'd forgotten about the no liquids rule. They took out a bottle of massage oil, lube, Vagisil and Nair. His whole family saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 796

You deserved it 70 333

By shameonme - 01/04/2016 19:46 - United States - Nampa

Today, I found out one of my friends had never seen the "Two Girls, One Cup" video, so I loaded it up and told him to watch it. I knew he was squeamish, but I didn't expect him to actually pass out. He cracked his head on the side of my desk and had to be rushed to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 797

You deserved it 17 251

By Afroman720 - 27/07/2015 18:55 - United States

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 689

You deserved it 2 874

New Romantics

By sallyfradoodle - 13/03/2020 21:00

Today, I told my boyfriend of two years that he was my first kiss. His reply? I was the first person he ever whacked off to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 483

You deserved it 403

By Sam - 04/05/2014 06:12 - United States - Eureka

Today, my art teacher showed off a painting of his name he got in Japan. I can read Japanese, and it actually says "Old idiot". I really don't want to break it to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 613

You deserved it 5 202

By Anonymous - 27/02/2015 19:37 - United States - Roseville

Today, while having sex, my fiancé started talking dirty. I enjoyed it, until he had a brain fart and said, "God, you love fucking my pussy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 844

You deserved it 4 266

No logic

By Anonymous - 26/01/2021 08:01 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my uncle died from COVID he contracted at church. During the service, his pastor got up and started talking about how proud he was that my uncle didn't let a pandemic stop him from going to worship. At the church. That gave him COVID. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 227

You deserved it 145

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Top comments

Sassy8 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 20:13

blland - please tell me youre kidding, and not actually that stupid. And yeah, that sucks. that is seriously one hell of a gas bill.

Lifedoutcobra 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 19:53

Wow, your life sucks. Sometimes its better just to have some faith...

Lifedoutcobra 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 19:53

Wow, your life sucks. Sometimes its better just to have some faith...

maa_rico 4

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Saturday 6 February 2010 22:48

almost first!

MetroidSlayer01 8

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Saturday 6 February 2010 23:14

@41, you suck at living

maa_rico 4

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Sunday 7 February 2010 0:09

fourth

harryman04 0

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Sunday 7 February 2010 7:20

@46 I agree. epic win

NUMBER23LEBRON 0

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Monday 8 February 2010 1:48

you're 41 idiot

MadPercussion 0

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Monday 8 February 2010 4:28

you're 41 idiot? I'm pretty sure that made no sense whatsoever. congradulations, you have failed at calling somebody an idiot; you may now kill yourself.

Carian01 0

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Sunday 19 June 2011 2:43

He/she was calling the forty first poster an idiot. You sir, failed at owning someone.

Give_Linux_A_Go 28

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Monday 15 August 2011 16:45

microwave ALL the food!

skilova4lifezzz 19

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Saturday 2 November 2013 3:28

#74 congratulations* Btw you failed at life.

lizzie232 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 19:55

what was he expecting?

Elizabeth_lyi 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 19:56

Youre actually not first

sterl13 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 19:57

haha perdix would be ashamed especially since you weren't even first

Elizabeth_lyi 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 20:02

in lizzie232's comment it said first... but i don't kno wat happened lol

eehizle 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 19:58

you are a frag!

HanaxD 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 19:59

Well, someone was obviously wrong.

mfmylifesrsly 29

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Saturday 6 February 2010 20:01

how much is £200 and £300 in american $?

blland 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 20:03

a pound is a unit of mass! you can't convert mass to money, noob.

riku3220 2

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Saturday 6 February 2010 20:03

About $400 and $600

scurrry 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 20:24

$312 $468

mfmylifesrsly 29

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Saturday 6 February 2010 20:51

rofl thank you 15

javakrypt 0

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Sunday 7 February 2010 2:15

that was before the recession.

tbwrb 0

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Sunday 7 February 2010 2:53

@11 a pound (£) used to be a pound (lb) of silver in saxon/medieval ages (that's medi-evil) both of which came from the libra measurement. Unfortunatly out in the colonies they no longer teach proper measurements I suggest you stop jabbing randomally at the keypad and let the adults talk, I do understand there are some of you out there who know how to talk, type etc. and mean no offence but to muppets like #11 get off the net.

MadPercussion 0

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Monday 8 February 2010 4:32

Dude, it's FML. You are going to come across some idiots.

rubberjesus 0

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Monday 8 February 2010 8:50

am I the only one who realized #11 was joking, it was a bad joke granted but it was so obvious, if he knows what the pound symbol (sorry my computer doesn't have it) means then chances are he knows that pounds are british currency, everyone who thought he was serious is just as stupid as they accuse him of being

Alhan_fml 0

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Monday 29 March 2010 6:26

I say get rid of the flatmate and get a roommate. That should solve your main problem.

sourgirl101 28

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Saturday 6 February 2010 20:06

It sucks but they sometimes estimate the amount. The complant made them do an exact check so you would of had to owed them the remaining amount next month any ways probly $400 or so. Find out why you're wasting so much gas.

Sassy8 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 20:13

blland - please tell me youre kidding, and not actually that stupid. And yeah, that sucks. that is seriously one hell of a gas bill.

cheesepuffs159 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 20:19

first! and ydi for living in a house

Elizabeth_lyi 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 20:21

first? really? wow

KurouTenshi 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 20:21

You should start scrounging up all the pounds you can find, my friend. And might I suggest taping your "flatmates"'s mouth shut before he calls the water and the cable companies as well?

jess87_fml 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 21:17

not that it's important, but we're both girls. and yes KurouTenshi, taping her mouth shut would be a VERY good idea - op

tiancai 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 20:25

How the hell do you spend so much on gas, unless your roommate is a Nazi and uses his room for a gas chamber. A can of gas lasts me a couple of months, and only costs ¥90.

oped01 8

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Saturday 6 February 2010 21:10

Lol Tiancal, gas suckers. probably also some asshole that protests about everyone elses "carbon footprint" as well.

KaySL 24

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Saturday 6 February 2010 21:27

Tiancai, I'd laugh, but you're probably just stupid enough to believe that, not to mention probably dream of gassing Jews, judging by most of your comments on this site. Why bother coming here and mixing with 'degenerate Westerners', I wonder? Why don't you just piss off to your favourite Chinese ultranationalist forum and quit your bitching here? Though I guess you actually enjoy trolling this place...