Love: Today, I was talking to my husband about our favorite TV show,...

By sammieshortcake - United States

Today, I was talking to my husband about our favorite TV show, when he took my face in his hands and sweetly whispered, "You're so pretty. Why must you ruin it with words?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

49279

You deserved it

8247

Favorite

sammieshortcake tells us more :

He was actually joking when he said it. I just thought it was funny because of the way he said it like he was being all romantic, so I submitted it. So stoked it got published! And to the person who said yeah "our" favorite show-it was Game of Thrones, which is both of our favorite shows. lol

Love

Out of it

Crossword anxiety

It's called being a wage slave

By sprocket - Hong Kong

Today, I jokingly asked my boyfriend of one year - "why is someone as smart, funny and as handsome as you with someone like me?" he replied - "opposites attract." FML

I agree, your life sucks

47999

You deserved it

28895

Favorite

By wowsucks - United States

Today, I realized that the only reason my boyfriend has been coming over to hang out at my house for the past two months is because my little brother has an N64. I have become a third wheel to their mario kart dates. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29752

You deserved it

4106

Favorite

By ZittyMii - United States

Today, a friend of mine had a Wii party and made everyone into Miis. My Mii had freckles. I don't have freckles. When I commented on it, she said, "Well, there isn't a zit feature." FML

I agree, your life sucks

43370

You deserved it

6078

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I had to take a dump at work. I walked into the bathroom and opened a stall, only to find what I can only describe as a fecal crime scene. It was like a turd had exploded mid-air. It was so vile, my anxiety kicked in and I broke down into a sobbing panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29256

You deserved it

3596

Favorite

By tjcl - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were gazing into each others' eyes in the moonlight after not having seen each other for a week. I thought he was going to say "I love you" and pull me in for a kiss. Instead, he said, "Since you can’t drive, we should get one of those two seater bicycles." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28222

You deserved it

9436

Favorite

By peanutprobs - Germany - Bochum

Today, my friend took our prank war too far when he secretly added peanuts to my food. I have a peanut allergy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38770

You deserved it

3324

Favorite

By Roxas - United States

Today, I got a parking ticket in the mail. I don't have a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39718

You deserved it

3223

Favorite

By jj - Australia - Windermere Park

Today, I was sick and had soccer trials on the same day. At the soccer trials, the coach called me over and told me I was doing really good and to keep it up. I said thanks and vomited on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37007

You deserved it

3350

Favorite

By fenris - United Kingdom - Saint Austell

Today, whilst at work, I was serving a customer when her kid runs up to me and throws up. It was a 10-hour shift, I was one hour in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11991

You deserved it

700

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while working at a restaurant, I watched someone throw their car door open and hit the side of my brand new car for the third time this week. I told the woman to be more careful. She told my manager that I was being racist. As I was being yelled at, I watched her hit my car again, smiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

89252

You deserved it

3839

Favorite

By Fucked - United States

Today, my dog found my marijuana pipe and the bag it was in and brought it to my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14516

You deserved it

40686

Favorite

By Pantess at work - 30/3/2021 16:00 - United States

Ripper

Today, at work, the seat of my pants ripped open. A coworker lent me a pair of his back-up jeans, and then those ripped in the crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

783

You deserved it

108

Favorite

By scotsgal - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my 5-year-old nephew to clean up his mess of toys. He responded by kicking my foot. My bandaged foot which was still recovering from my surgery last week. I'm probably going to need another operation to fix the damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49987

You deserved it

5067

Favorite

By boyBYE - United States - Pleasant Grove

Today, when my ex said he wanted to be friends, what he meant was that he wanted me to help him hook up with 18-year-olds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11297

You deserved it

944

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Maidenhead

Today, I was talking to my best friend about how much of an asshole my ex-boyfriend is. After about 2 hours of non-stop bitching, turns out she's actually dating him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11917

You deserved it

1425

Favorite

By random person - United States

Today, I finally got my laptop back after my friend broke it a few weeks ago. As I walked back into our place with my laptop in my bag, the same friend burst out and tackled me. My bag fell and slammed into the floor. Guess who has to pay for another repair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55117

You deserved it

4698

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - San Jose

Rollin'

Today, I was driving home when a guy crashes into me from behind. I get out of my car and tell him that I'm going to call the cops. He then asks me if we can move to a corner because we're blocking the way, so then get back in to move. I look in the mirror to see him driving off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15852

You deserved it

4665

Favorite

By ThatGuy24

Booming economy!

Today, it's my birthday and it would be a great day if me and my wife weren’t literally too poor to celebrate it. To make it even better, she won’t have birthday sex with me, because we live with her mom and she’s afraid of her hearing us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1775

You deserved it

370

Favorite

By person_r - Norway

Today, my wife is divorcing me because she wants to party more with her friends alone. One year ago, I followed her to Norway, where her family lives. I left my friends, family and job opportunities (which were very good) in order to live with her. Now I am shoveling shit on a horse farm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64497

You deserved it

12559

Favorite

By dinosaur - United States

Today, my friend sent me a link about a nine year old kid who wrote an iPhone app that gets 2000 downloads per week. I am a 28 year old software developer and have been failing to write an iPhone app for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35144

You deserved it

6091

Favorite

By SugarMyBalls - United States - Winder

Today, I had been trying to text my girlfriend all day, but no reply. After a while, I became worried so I called. She picked up and said, "Can't talk, busy." Not even a minute later, my best friend says to me, "Dude, tell your girlfriend to leave me alone. She's been texting me all day." FML

I agree, your life sucks

47407

You deserved it

3136

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Thunder Bay

Today, while at work, my ex-boyfriend came in. I pretended not to see him, hoping he would just pass on by. No such luck. He stopped to tell me that he was there for orientation. My company hired him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34946

You deserved it

3219

Favorite

By Shino

Today, my fiancé's mother made him pack his stuff and move to Montana while I was at work. I came home to a half-written note because she wouldn’t let him finish. We own a house together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4327

You deserved it

441

Favorite

By thatoneguy - United States

Today, a five year old that I am babysitting picked up a knife and said he would chop my nuts off if I didn't give him his ice cream before dinner. Only 5 more hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34355

You deserved it

3453

Favorite

By Lara - Italy - Empoli

Today, my boyfriend told me he still has the key to our mailbox, while being at the other part of the country. Not to worry though, he sent it over. By mail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27726

You deserved it

2188

Favorite

By Amelia

Today, I’ve discovered that even if he brushes his teeth for 10 minutes straight, flosses, and rinses with mouthwash, my boyfriend’s breath still smells like a cross between sewage and rotting fish. I’m running out of excuses for not kissing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1575

You deserved it

209

Favorite

By Fmylife.25 - United States

Today, I got the haircut I've been wanting for ages. I then called my girlfriend of two years and asked what she would do if I got a haircut. She told me she would dump me and then invited me to her house for dinner. I'm scared to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35981

You deserved it

6143

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my dad touching his knob, in the kitchen, while cooking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39183

You deserved it

3982

Favorite

By TooNoisy4Me - United States - Bellerose

Today, like every year, my next-door neighbors started setting off their fireworks at exactly midnight. Also, like every year, the sensitive car alarm belonging to another neighbor has gone off with every firework. It's been almost six hours of nonstop alarms and explosions. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13643

You deserved it

1105

Favorite

By badtiming - United States

Today, I saw a bad car wreck. I pulled over and ran to the car to find an unconscious man behind the wheel. Another car pulled up, and a guy got out. I was relieved to have help, until, to my horror, he started trying to hit on me. I was stuck with him until the ambulance arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31983

You deserved it

3279

Favorite

By future burger flipper - United States - Whitewater

Today, my parents blew my entire college fund in their quest to finish building their replica Hobbit house in our back yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64730

You deserved it

6300

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, after almost a year of dating and getting dumped out of the blue, I found out my ex-girlfriend wants to get a restraining order against me. I guess dropping a box of her things on her porch after she wouldn't answer her phone is considered stalking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1537

You deserved it

150

Favorite

By ForeverAlone - Canada

Today, I was at my cousin's house. We weren't spending time together because he was always texting. After a couple of minutes, I got jealous. I played a ringtone on my cell, and "answered" it. I had a whole conversation with nobody in an attempt to seem somewhat more popular than a 10-year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12633

You deserved it

29087

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Belleville

Today, I was waiting in a doctor's office when I was approached by an elderly woman. She told me all about the ripping of her stitches in a very private place, in exhaustive detail. Of course, today was the day my doctor chose to be an hour late. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23029

You deserved it

1699

Favorite

By tan disaster - United States

Today, I went to get my spray tan before my semi-formal. After I applied lotion to the bottom of my feet as instructed, I went in the booth and began to start the tanning session. I lost my balance and fell right as the machine began to spray. I look like a spotted cheetah. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18470

You deserved it

39239

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I went to get drinks for the first time with a guy I'd been talking to. He drank 4 drinks in the span of 30 minutes, and fell asleep at the table. I went to the bathroom before getting the check, and I came back to find he'd thrown up all over our table. Needless to say, I left without saying a word to him and deleted his number. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1930

You deserved it

158

Favorite

By getmeoutofthiscountry - United States

Today, I agreed to lend my daughter's inflatable pool to my neighbor for the day. Barely an hour later, I witnessed his son jump off their balcony, missing the pool by inches. He's now in hospital, and my neighbor has sworn to sue me, saying I'm responsible because the pool is mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61025

You deserved it

4069

Favorite

By Bliggins - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, someone very close to me came out of the closet. Normally I would fully support them, had we not just gotten married. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44867

You deserved it

2941

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was extremely constipated. This is a side effect of the medication I take to alleviate my stomach condition. Due to this same condition I can't eat much roughage. We have no laxatives or stool softeners, and I have been shitting bricks for three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25504

You deserved it

3492

Favorite

By anon - United States

Quickshot

Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53204

You deserved it

5974

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By lonewolf621 | 17

#5673443 - Saturday 14 September 2013 19:39

Sometimes silence is golden.

By Grauncho | 26

#5673452 - Saturday 14 September 2013 19:41

Well, we now know he didn't marry you for your personality.

COMMENTS

By lonewolf621 | 17

#5673443 - Saturday 14 September 2013 19:39

Sometimes silence is golden.

Welshite | 39

#5673455 - Saturday 14 September 2013 19:43

No wonder I'm always so poor. I can never shut up long enough to collect my gold.

TheCanucklehead | 22

#5673463 - Saturday 14 September 2013 19:44

I don't collect gold. Gold collects me

Enslaved | 36

#5673504 - Saturday 14 September 2013 20:00

"Stay gold, Ponyboy. Stay gold."

micha090 | 21

#5673557 - Saturday 14 September 2013 20:38

I like the way he put it OP. He's a keeper :-)

Jessa91 | 10

#5673561 - Saturday 14 September 2013 20:39

Silence is gold, duct tape is silver.

depocadoll | 15

#5673575 - Saturday 14 September 2013 20:49

Silence is golden... If you were talking about the Kardashians or something as equally as sickening.

MissCharlotte_fml | 26

#5673585 - Saturday 14 September 2013 20:58

Enslaved, I love you for that reference.

By Demonax_fml | 8

#5673444 - Saturday 14 September 2013 19:39

At least he said it gently

mattjamt | 16

#5673631 - Saturday 14 September 2013 21:54

Maybe he meant that she was beautiful he wanted to "gaze at her uninterrupted". (OPs husband, feel free to use that as an excuse!)

blakesinthelake | 11

#5673941 - Sunday 15 September 2013 3:54

At least he didn't call you ugly

By ericnx | 8

#5673448 - Saturday 14 September 2013 19:40

What a moment.

mn_shr | 22

#5674538 - Sunday 15 September 2013 16:40

Who said romance was dead?

By Grauncho | 26

#5673452 - Saturday 14 September 2013 19:41

Well, we now know he didn't marry you for your personality.

UnluckyGenius | 21

#5673460 - Saturday 14 September 2013 19:44

Maybe she just sounds like the actress who played the mom Married with Children.

drizzy11 | 18

#5673584 - Saturday 14 September 2013 20:58

Peggy Bundy. Great show.

By Grayness_ | 26

#5673458 - Saturday 14 September 2013 19:43

You can tell he had been wanting to say that for a long time when he put his hands on your face lmao

By naxeeb | 33

#5673461 - Saturday 14 September 2013 19:44

Awww, that's so shallow of him. Considering that he was serious. Even if he was joking, it was still rude!

PuggieKid | 22

#5673970 - Sunday 15 September 2013 4:32

How is that shallow? he SWEETLY whispered it to her so she didn't feel bad

vipirius | 18

#5674300 - Sunday 15 September 2013 10:41

It's pretty shallow to marry someone just for their looks.

By lickastick | 27

#5673465 - Saturday 14 September 2013 19:45

Sure you weren't talking AT your husband?

TheDrifter | 23

#5673510 - Saturday 14 September 2013 20:03

Or while the show she was discussing was on? That drives me insane.

By chris4u2nv5 | 19

#5673469 - Saturday 14 September 2013 19:46

Sometimes you just need to shut up an hold him

By perdix | 29

#5673478 - Saturday 14 September 2013 19:48

It took you until now to realize that he has no respect for your intellect?

I guess figuring things out is not your strong suit . . . at least he thinks you're pretty!

TheDrifter | 23

#5673513 - Saturday 14 September 2013 20:04

It's a relativity thing. Light travels faster than sound, that's why so many people seem bright until you hear them speak.

edmunson | 22

#5675520 - Monday 16 September 2013 8:22

Yes! Why just sit and let others think you are stupid, when you can speak and remove all doubt!

By ashleyhalla | 21

#5673482 - Saturday 14 September 2013 19:49

Lol that was actually kind of funny. Keep that in mind when he's talking to you next and get your revenge :)

Uhscanherdarklee | 10

#5673896 - Sunday 15 September 2013 3:19

Better moment would be when they're cuddling and he wants to try for sex. "Cuddling feels so nice, why must you ruin it with your penis?"