Miscellaneous: Today, my boyfriend told me he hasn't showered since our first...

By unknown - France

Today, my boyfriend told me he hasn't showered since our first date. We've been dating for three weeks. FML

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Miscellaneous

Taking stock

Grow up

Fake News

By Pissed - New Zealand

Today, I was standing in the gas station, pulling out my wallet to pay the $100 of gas I just filled my car with. I opened my wallet and found a note saying "borrowed money for food". FML

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By uh-oh - United States

Today, I was taking a shower when my boyfriend suddenly hopped in with me. We were getting a little frisky when my mom's hand unexpectedly came through the curtain, and dropped a condom in the bottom of the shower, all the while saying, "Keep it safe kids!". FML

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By bradyman - United States

Today, I went to the dentist after not being there for 3 years. I was told that I had loads of cavities and that I would need to pay $3,000 for a serious mouth surgery. The reason I hadn't been to the dentist in 3 years: I've been married to a dentist for 3 years that said my teeth were "perfect." FML

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By Jessica - United States

Today, I got my score back for the monologue I performed. I got points taken off for "seeming nervous." My character was supposed to be nervous. FML

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By Picky

Today, I woke up to my younger brother picking his nose with my fingers. His explanation? "You were sleeping." FML

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By anonix - Canada

Today, a customer came in with a laptop smashed beyond repair. She asked if we could recover her files, but thanks to my idiot boss' new store policy I had to ask her a bunch of questions, including if she had tried "turning it on and off". She stared at me, speechless, like I was a complete moron. FML

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By Jess - United States

Today, my mom publicly pole danced. In a playground. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I finally got a promotion at work. Today I also found out that no matter how long I work, no matter how much effort and unpaid overtime I put in for 6 years, my coworkers will be convinced I only got promoted because I'm the CFO's son. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while video chatting with my girlfriend, who lives on the other side of the country, I thought I'd play a song for her on my guitar. The string broke and hit me in the face. I burst into tears and had to hang up. FML

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By radicaloser - United States

Today, I was hanging out with the guy I like. All of a sudden, he pulls out a small vial of his blood to give to me, proving his undying love. Curious, I asked where he had gotten the blood. His answer? A razor blade. In his nose. FML

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By too eager - Australia - Hurstville

Today, I had a date with an amazing girl so in the shower I wanted to make sure I was extra clean. With the soaped up shower puff in hand I tried to get as much of my back as I could which led to me pushing too far and dislocating my shoulder. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Charlottesville

Smash the patriarchy!

Today, I was wrestling with my boyfriend, trying to prove to him that I was stronger. I did. He started crying. He then broke up with me because he couldn't be in a relationship in which his girlfriend was stronger than him. FML

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By Titanic - France

Today, the girl I've been hitting on for months on MSN and that I'm about to meet told me "I know you are in love, and you know I'm not". Erm, no, I didn't know. FML

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By ouch - Mexico

Today, I learned that my brakes don't work anymore on my bike. When did I learn this? While speeding down a really steep hill. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I woke up to my disabled mother screaming for me. Fearing the worst, I hopped out of bed only to find that she was yelling because her cat had brought a field mouse inside as a gift. The problem? It was still alive. I had to get it from him and throw it outside. FML

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By creepycrawley247 - United States - Ellington

Today, after being nearly homeless and couch-hopping for the last few months, I finally signed a 1-year lease. When I got home, I was surprised to see a picture of my new complex on the front page of the newspaper. It turns out that they are fighting a serious bedbug infestation. FML

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By TooShortToCleanThat - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided to show off one of his favorite skills: Peeing on my ceiling. FML

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31368

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By hatelife - United States

Today, the instructions on my new IKEA bed made me cry. It includes a picture of a person working alone with a frown crossed out and is replaced by two smiling people working together. I have no one in my life to help me. FML

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By ddll - Singapore

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She responded by sitting on the floor, crying like a baby and screaming "WHY?" at strangers. FML

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By jane smith - Australia

Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday, and I thought I'd surprise him after work by wearing nothing but a smile on his bed. As I heard someone come in, I had a huge smile on my face. Turns out it was his dad and all his friends. FML

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By Ulysse - United Kingdom

Today, I bought my new electric razor. I tried it, and washed it. I started to shake it, in order to get rid of the water. It was pretty slippy, and it exploded on the floor of my bathroom. The warranty doesn't cover this, I guess. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, while bringing my baby an early-morning bottle, I tripped over a ball and fell into the glass coffee table, smashing it and cutting myself pretty badly. My husband slept through the whole thing, but the neighbors came by to tell me to keep it down. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/12/2020 19:56

Imagine if we had a social safety net…

Today, I was called selfish for complaining about COVID lockdowns. Thanks to lockdowns, my family's restaurant has been permanently closed, I've burned through all my savings, and we are going to lose our house. I guess being upset about my family's plight is selfish. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that the mother of his children, from whom he is not divorced yet, is moving back into his house because she broke up with her boyfriend and has nowhere to go. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I yet again heard a friend say "YOLO" as if it's a word. It was so annoying that I had to restrain myself from punching him in the face and offering him the chance to suck on one of my turds, since apparently "YOLO." FML

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By jccwell - United States

Today, my dad called, saying he was in town and that he wanted to see me. I was excited, thinking he wanted to come see my new apartment. Turns out he just wanted to borrow my Xbox. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I forced myself into work with severe laryngitis. Normally this wouldn't be an issue, except I work at candy and ice cream store at a major tourist destination. For seven hours I had to communicate with unsympathetic adults and screaming, bratty kids by miming and using a dry erase board. FML

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By katgib13 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I was stopped in the grocery store by a stranger, who berated me, quite loudly, for going out in public in my pajamas. I had just gotten off work and was wearing scrubs. FML

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By NUsConstantine - United States

Today, my research partner emails me 2 hours before our deadline saying that she can't complete her half of our 20 page report because when she woke up this morning she couldn't see. How did she write the email? FML

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By myusofwe - Puerto Rico - Caguas

Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with the guy I like. He couldn't get it up and awkwardly tried to stick his limp penis in. FML

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By GiWi - Ireland

Today, I asked my boss a simple question about a problem I was having with a project I am currently doing. He replied: ''You don't worry your sweet little ass about it babe". My boss is my girlfriend's father. Nice. FML

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By nadette - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She told me that her father didn't approve of me and forced her out of the relationship. Her father died 2 years ago. FML

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72576

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By Marfo101 - Ghana - Accra

Today, a pretty girl joined the line at the bus station. I let her skip the line and go before me so I could sit next to her. After she bought her ticket, I realized there were no more seats left on that bus. I was told to get off, and had to take the next bus, sitting next to a snoring old man. FML

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By confsused - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found out that my dad is actually my uncle, and vice-versa. FML

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58841

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By Jac - United States

Today, my friend decided to pants me in the middle of the mall. I wasn't wearing underwear. FML

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20683

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By Anon - New Zealand

Today, I was fired by one of my bosses for doing something the other boss told me to do. I work for a family company. Turns out my bosses are going through a divorce and will do anything to prove the other wrong. FML

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37711

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By shut up. - New Zealand

Today, I was mentioning to a coworker how there was a huge lull today in business. A young coworker then turns to me and says in a snooty tone, "I think you mean a 'lol', it's pronounced L-O-L." FML

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By Eddie - Israel

Today, I took my clothes off in front of my girlfriend for the first time. She made a weird face for a moment, then burst into laughter. She couldn't stop laughing, no matter how hard she tried. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was reminded that I used by dad's camera all summer to take naked pictures for boyfriend when my dad sent me an email saying: "FYI: when you delete pictures directly off the camera they get uploaded as trash files when the camera is connected to the computer." He saw them all. FML

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By peevedemployee - United States

Today, we got our Christmas bonuses. Instead of money, the company decided to give us all lunch boxes with the company name on them. I went ahead and put my lunch in mine, then put it in the break-room refrigerator. Apparently so did all the other employees. Now I can't find mine. FML

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Top comments

By HanaxD | 0

#796091 - Sunday 24 January 2010 20:12

Dear God your boyfriend is nasty. Btw, how couldn't you SMELL it?

By beachycat | 0

#796114 - Sunday 24 January 2010 20:17

EW, you didn't notice? I hope you didn't do anything sexual with him.

COMMENTS

By sm_shelby | 0

#796088 - Sunday 24 January 2010 20:11

dump him. that's absolutely disgusting.

BritishHobo | 0

#796345 - Sunday 24 January 2010 22:45

Dump him? What the fuck? No... tell him you think it's disgusting and to have a shower.

time4coffee | 3

#797740 - Monday 25 January 2010 14:08

If he doesn't shower after that, then dump him. Ewww

By pegasus77 | 0

#796090 - Sunday 24 January 2010 20:11

*Says mean French joke*

anyways. ewww

Nizzit2 | 0

#796689 - Monday 25 January 2010 2:10

heheh France :D

By HanaxD | 0

#796091 - Sunday 24 January 2010 20:12

Dear God your boyfriend is nasty. Btw, how couldn't you SMELL it?

SusanaSaysRawrxD | 0

#797259 - Monday 25 January 2010 9:13

Yeah, OP, how the hell did you not notice? Surely he would've smelled or summ'n.

FYL, though... That's disgusting.

trw1104 | 0

#799940 - Tuesday 26 January 2010 14:19

How could you not notice the smell.

By jessxoxo28 | 5

#796105 - Sunday 24 January 2010 20:15

and u didnt notice?

By beachycat | 0

#796114 - Sunday 24 January 2010 20:17

EW, you didn't notice? I hope you didn't do anything sexual with him.

By nikkers | 0

#796121 - Sunday 24 January 2010 20:19

could you not smell it?... hope you didnt go near his downstairs ewwwwwy!!

By LetsKillTehJonas | 0

#796132 - Sunday 24 January 2010 20:23

That's disturbing.

By kirakira333 | 0

#796139 - Sunday 24 January 2010 20:25

you didn't smell anything for the three weeks you were dating?

By BadPinkKitty07 | 0

#796161 - Sunday 24 January 2010 20:33

that stinks. ;)

By Breazy | 0

#796170 - Sunday 24 January 2010 20:36

kinky ;)