Miscellaneous: Today, my boyfriend told me he hasn't showered since our first...

By unknown - France

Today, my boyfriend told me he hasn't showered since our first date. We've been dating for three weeks. FML

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Miscellaneous

There's no helping some people

Capitalism kills

Property law

By why mom, why? - United States - Ross

Today, my mother threw away my brand new headphones. She saw them on the couch with duct tape on the wires and assumed they were "old, broken, and cheap." I put the tape there to avoid damaging the wires. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I came home, turned on my laptop, and turned the TV on mute so I could check my email. My mom came home an hour later, took a look at me on the couch, then the TV, and asked what on earth I was watching. I looked up from my laptop and realized it was porn. FML

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By pokèscared - 10/3/2020 05:00

Go away

Today, the creepy dude I’d been desperately trying to avoid was able to figure out which building I work in, the general vicinity of my house and which restaurants I frequent. He learned all this by the gifts I sent, not knowing it was him, on the Pokémon Go app. FML

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1486

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By Anonymous - Netherlands - Vlissingen

Today, I had to take the train from my hometown to my university for a very important meeting concerning my foreign exchange program. When I finally arrived, I noticed a Post-it on the door: "Meeting cancelled, sick". I basically made a 9-hour day-trip for a half-an-hour walk. FML

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39952

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By Antoine Karam

Today, I was invited to an engagement. My crush is getting engaged next month to a man she told me she hated. FML

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1635

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219

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By nothreat33 - United States

Today, it was my 24th birthday. I got a card from my sister reading: "Here's to another year of complete disregard for age-appropriate developmental milestones." She was right. FML

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18997

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By jeoak - India

Today, I was moving into my new apartment. The previous owner had refused to move out until today, and when I got there, I realized I didn't have a key. I was about to call him when I found out I didn't need to; he took the door. FML

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By nowork - United States - Liverpool

Today, I asked my boss for a raise, explaining that another shop offered me a job at a higher rate, but I would stay if he would offer me the same. Instead, he fired me then called the other shop and said I was fired for failing a drug test. FML

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59212

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By moorox45 - United States

Today, I put on a pair of sneakers that I'd left outside, and went jogging. After several minutes of pain, I pulled off one of the sneakers, only to find dozens of baby spiders had moved in. FML

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By - Canada

Submission

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. I thought I'd be spontaneous and spice things up, and gave her a spank across the butt. She started crying. FML

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2337

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By theothercassie

Today, I reported in for my first day at work. When I walked in they asked "Who are you?" I answered "Cassie, it's my first day today" with a huge smile. They'd meant to call and offer the job to the other Cassie they interviewed. FML

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36436

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By margretlle - United States

Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML

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54647

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was running a meeting feeling very stressed. I grabbed my stress ball out of my bag, squeezing it vigorously throughout the meeting. When I stood up to talk my stress ball exploded all over my new black suit and the desk. So much for relieving stress. FML

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28377

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By arknvl - Norway - Trondheim

Today, my boss yelled at me for visiting Facebook on my work computer. He says that since I can't be trusted, I'll be supervised from now on. I was uploading pictures to the company's Facebook page, which I have to do once a week as part of my job. FML

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By morethanablondemoment - United States - Redding

Today, after working 8 hours and immediately packing my house for another 6 hours to prepare for moving, I was extremely exhausted and more than ready to brush my teeth and go to bed. I tiredly brushed my teeth with my mascara. FML

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24288

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By tinypenis - United States - Jamaica

Today, while sexting my girlfriend, I accidently sent a picture to her father instead of her. He sent back a link to a penis enlargement company's website. FML

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33774

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By Distracted - United States

Today, it was my first day at a new school. I pulled into the parking lot and saw this really cute guy. I was checking him out in my rear view mirror. When I looked ahead, there was something in the road, so I swirved real hard and took down an entire wooden fence. That something was a plastic bag. FML

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10724

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By Thai rice mistake - United States - Oakland

Today, I was super hungry and went to a Thai restaurant. The waitress left two small bowls of fried rice on the counter, and I thought they were for me. I ate one and a lady came over screaming. Apparently the small cups of rice was part of a religious ceremony. FML

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By brerj09 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, at work, I served a group of three teens. Their tab was $75 and they tipped me nothing. They wrote a thank you on a piece of receipt paper, put it in a glass of water and used a coaster to turn the glass of water upside down on the table, spilling water everywhere. They also stole my pen. FML

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54937

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By slightlyfamous - Canada - Port-menier

Today, my dick of a roommate was moving out. She didn't actually tell us she was moving out and took the wifi, modem and all, while my other roommate was on a Skype call and I was watching a show. All with no warning. It's Saturday, I have an online assignment due Sunday. FML

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20786

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By Alan - Germany

Today, I agreed to stay a week with my wife's parents, who she told me were traditional Japanese. I was prepared for having to wear Japanese clothes while in the house, but I wasn't prepared for communal bathing in the same huge bath with her father, grandfather, uncle and two brothers. FML

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24610

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By Anonymous - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, it's been five days since I started my new job in a new town, just signed a lease on my new apartment too. Now I find out the company's closing down, and since I'm still on probation, I'm told I'm not entitled to any kind of severance. FML

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By unemployed - United States

Today, my boss came storming towards me, screaming just how tired she is with my constant bullshit. Already pissed off, I retorted that she's a bitch and should go lose some pounds. Turns out she was talking to her husband on her bluetooth headset. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I told my girlfriend I love her for the first time. She said, "Thanks." FML

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30732

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By food critic - Australia - Ryde

Today, I saw my girlfriend's mother tagged at a restaurant, the same one I had suggested we try earlier in the week. At the time, she quickly shut me down because "that place sounds terrible". I guess she forgot that she finally added me on Facebook. FML

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7654

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By oface13 - United States

Today, I held up my best friend with a lighter shaped like a gun, and jokingly accused him of sleeping with my wife, only to have him admit that he really did. FML

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54089

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By taternuts - Canada

Today, one of my classmates pointed out that our professor has a habit of sucking his teeth at the end of each sentence. I'd never noticed before. I can't concentrate anymore, all I can focus on is his weird teeth noise thing. FML

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27232

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By annoyed - United States - Wyoming

Today, I finally got to attend the concert I have been anticipating for weeks. The band was great. The drunk guy sitting behind me yelling profanity and out of tune lyrics in my ear throughout the entire show, however, was not. FML

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23059

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By hornyloser770 - France

Today, I had just finished riding my bike when I ran into the girl I am secretly in love with. While I walked over to her I got an erection through my spandex biking shorts. FML

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26212

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By sal - 27/9/2020 05:02 - Canada

Unloveable

Today, I adopted a cat, thinking it would make my life a little less lonely. Within an hour, the cat ran away. Not even animals want to be around me. FML

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989

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my ex adopted a dog from the dog pound. It was the same dog he made me get rid of while we were still together. FML

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31488

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8459

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By Anonymous - United States - Boston

#1 Dad!

Today, I told my fiancé he needed to spend at least one night a week at home with his daughter or we will pack up and leave. He responded by getting a suitcase. FML

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1767

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313

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By Oh hells no - United States - Los Altos

Today, my girlfriend came home with a huge bouquet of roses. They were from an admirer, brainwashing her to think I'm a terrible boyfriend for not buying her flowers like he did. FML

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44452

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By JD300 - United Kingdom

Today, I finally got my wish of having snow on my birthday. Excited, I failed to realise this meant that no one could come to my party, including myself as we were all snowed out of town. What did I spend my 18th doing? Tidying our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29936

You deserved it

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By Anonymous

Today, after 11 years together, including 8 years of engagement and 3.5 months of marriage, I found out he had sex with his ex-girlfriend on my birthday. He's now leaving me and our kids to be with her because she's his "soul mate". FML

I agree, your life sucks

5360

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I finally got to watch some porn after not being able to for a while. All I could notice in the video was how badly the participants were playing snooker. FML

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34221

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By msj137 - United States

Today, I had a softball tournament which also landed on my birthday. My dad had to leave town for work, so he left me a card on my night stand. Instead of a happy birthday, all it said was 'Don't mess up the game for everyone'. FML

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46065

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By UnluckyReporter - United States - Lexington

Today, I lost control of my car on a patch of ice and slid off the road, messing up my car. I was working on a news story about bad road conditions. FML

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19163

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Norwich

Today, I tried to blackmail my douchebag boss for a raise, since I had ample proof that he's screwing a co-worker. Turns out he and his wife are in an open relationship, and HR doesn't give a damn about office romances. Now I have to quit or deal with the most hostile work environment ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15391

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By DocKreso - Croatia - Split

Today, I had to remove a glass bottle, complete with an ineffective pullstring, from a patient's rectum. He claimed that he'd accidentally sat on it, and later threatened to sue me for every penny if I breathed a word of it to anyone. Oops, looks like I just did. FML

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Top comments

By HanaxD | 0

#796091 - Sunday 24 January 2010 20:12

Dear God your boyfriend is nasty. Btw, how couldn't you SMELL it?

By beachycat | 0

#796114 - Sunday 24 January 2010 20:17

EW, you didn't notice? I hope you didn't do anything sexual with him.

COMMENTS

By sm_shelby | 0

#796088 - Sunday 24 January 2010 20:11

dump him. that's absolutely disgusting.

BritishHobo | 0

#796345 - Sunday 24 January 2010 22:45

Dump him? What the fuck? No... tell him you think it's disgusting and to have a shower.

time4coffee | 3

#797740 - Monday 25 January 2010 14:08

If he doesn't shower after that, then dump him. Ewww

By pegasus77 | 0

#796090 - Sunday 24 January 2010 20:11

*Says mean French joke*

anyways. ewww

Nizzit2 | 0

#796689 - Monday 25 January 2010 2:10

heheh France :D

By HanaxD | 0

#796091 - Sunday 24 January 2010 20:12

Dear God your boyfriend is nasty. Btw, how couldn't you SMELL it?

SusanaSaysRawrxD | 0

#797259 - Monday 25 January 2010 9:13

Yeah, OP, how the hell did you not notice? Surely he would've smelled or summ'n.

FYL, though... That's disgusting.

trw1104 | 0

#799940 - Tuesday 26 January 2010 14:19

How could you not notice the smell.

By jessxoxo28 | 5

#796105 - Sunday 24 January 2010 20:15

and u didnt notice?

By beachycat | 0

#796114 - Sunday 24 January 2010 20:17

EW, you didn't notice? I hope you didn't do anything sexual with him.

By nikkers | 0

#796121 - Sunday 24 January 2010 20:19

could you not smell it?... hope you didnt go near his downstairs ewwwwwy!!

By LetsKillTehJonas | 0

#796132 - Sunday 24 January 2010 20:23

That's disturbing.

By kirakira333 | 0

#796139 - Sunday 24 January 2010 20:25

you didn't smell anything for the three weeks you were dating?

By BadPinkKitty07 | 0

#796161 - Sunday 24 January 2010 20:33

that stinks. ;)

By Breazy | 0

#796170 - Sunday 24 January 2010 20:36

kinky ;)