By princess98

Revenge!

Today, I had to ask my boyfriend to take a shower, because he smelt awful and wanted to cuddle. After 45 minutes, he did so. I wanted to cuddle and fool around after he was done. I got rejected because he didn't want to get dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2057

You deserved it

775

Favorite

Love

Mother of the year

Sorry…

What a charmer

By News to Me

Today, I went to switch my phone number to a new carrier. During the credit check, I was told that I couldn't because I already had an active account. This came as a surprise, as I've never had an account with that carrier. Time to file a fraud claim. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3178

You deserved it

154

Favorite

By iheartkanye

Today, my little sister was rhyming words with "truck." When she came to "fuck", I told her never to say that word again because it was bad. She ran around the house screaming it. I'm in trouble for being "a bad influence." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1599

You deserved it

201

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I realised how little my husband trusts me after I told him I was pregnant and the first words out of his mouth were, “Is it mine?” FML

I agree, your life sucks

2402

You deserved it

396

Favorite

By Yikes - United States - Cumberland

Today, I finally found the single flaw in my perfect boyfriend. It's herpes. Genital herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16828

You deserved it

1701

Favorite

By doesnttastegood - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that whilst I was asleep last night, my boyfriend was playing on his XBox. I also found out that whenever he unlocked a new level, achievement or just generally beat someone's ass, he would celebrate by pulling out one of his pubes and putting it in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

120392

You deserved it

13919

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in the middle of an interview; it was going great until I started coughing. That coughing led to an asthma attack, which led to nonstop gagging. I couldn't even answer his final question, "Are you okay?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

44244

You deserved it

2816

Favorite

By wasntme - Netherlands

Today, I finally passed a math exam. I go home super excited to tell my mom, yelling "Mom! Guess what!?!?!" She turns to me all happy and goes "You finally got a boyfriend!?!?!?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

67442

You deserved it

7426

Favorite

By Anonymous

Wrong enemy

Today, my girlfriend slapped a waxing strip on my beard because she is sick of quarantine and wanted to lash out at someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1707

You deserved it

168

Favorite

By Toloveornottolove - Canada

Today, my boyfriend proposed. I was about to call my parents and tell them we're getting married, but they called me first to announce they're getting a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15070

You deserved it

1085

Favorite

By TheThirdWheel

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend of 2 years and my best friend of 10 years making out in my bedroom. I stared and when they noticed me, my boyfriend didn’t even bat an eye and suggested we have a threesome. My best friend immediately agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6140

You deserved it

623

Favorite

By fired - United States

Today, my boss was being a total asshole. While in the bathroom, he turned his back on me, so I gave him the finger, mouthed obscenities, and pantomimed stabbing him with a knife. He was looking in the mirror and saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10177

You deserved it

65193

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Grays

Today, my dad watched his first Lord of the Rings marathon. Now he keeps spouting lines from the movies, and thought it'd be funny to hide in my closet, just to jump out at me screaming, "My precious!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

47914

You deserved it

7552

Favorite

By me - United States

Today, I met my son for the first time since I had to put him up for adoption over two decades ago. I wanted to make amends and get to know him. Instead, all I got to know was how well he can throw a punch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24132

You deserved it

56916

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad interrupted my job interview with a phone call, just to say "I fucked your mom." No shit, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49712

You deserved it

7868

Favorite

By ScaredDad

Today, I needed to grab something from the garage. As soon as the door closed, I heard a little click sound. My one-year-old seems to have figured out the door lock. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1782

You deserved it

225

Favorite

By 404: Sanity Not Found - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend made a patronising post on Facebook, "to all you guys out there" saying how having sex with a drunk person is straight-up, 100% rape. I pointed out that she's had sex with me several times after I've come home drunk. That pissed her off. Now I'm single. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26126

You deserved it

5083

Favorite

By 0h_Boy

Death Rattle part 2: Electric Boogaloo

Today, at my job in a funeral home, I was transferring a body off a stretcher when it exhaled its last breath. Right into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1707

You deserved it

148

Favorite

By suspended - United States - Grand Blanc

Today, I had to give an important presentation, so I checked it over one last time before taking a shower and heading out. I found out too late that my brother used that window of opportunity to replace the entire document with the N-word repeating over and over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15917

Phew, glad it wasn't me

2054

Favorite

By Great. - United States - Billings

Today, I told my boyfriend I loved him. He responded by fist pumping. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25928

You deserved it

5322

Favorite

By katsaysner - United States - Unity

Today, I got the best grade in class on my economics midterm. Rather than tell me I did a good job, my professor criticized me in front of everyone about how I was working "too hard". FML

I agree, your life sucks

42765

You deserved it

4681

Favorite

By worried - United Kingdom

Today, I heard that a boy in my class had written a song about me. Intrigued, I went to see him perform. I spent 3 excruciating minutes listening to a song about 'the girl of his dreams', his tear-filled eyes staring into mine the whole time. I have to sit next to this freak for the next 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17666

You deserved it

55169

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my 6-year-old son was being charming by smiling and batting his eyelashes at me. When I asked him, "What?" he replied, "When you die, can I have your hair?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1498

You deserved it

149

Favorite

By 3lavyaa - United Kingdom

Good morning!

Today, I woke up and the sun was blinding me through my attic window. I have no blinds so I got a poster from my wall and stuck it to the wood on my window with nails. Turn's out I have woodrot, and my entire window fell out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33916

You deserved it

4756

Favorite

By mn167109 - United States - Saint Charles

Today, I asked my dad why we didn't have any baby pictures. His response was, "They got lost in the flood of '93." I was born in '95. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34261

You deserved it

2648

Favorite

By dumped - United States

Today, my girlfriend's best friend was dumped, and was absolutely depressed. My girlfriend thought she'd show her sympathy by breaking up with me so they "could be single together." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51708

You deserved it

2771

Favorite

By megan - United States - Lutz

Today, it's April Fool's day. I had to take a CPR class, and everything was going well. We took a break and I went to get a drink of water and started choking. They thought I was making fun of the class, and made me leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31112

You deserved it

2454

Favorite

By buzzzzkill - United States

Today, I got home from work, and saw a note on the counter my roomate left saying "Sorry about the basement." I then went into the basement, and found that it was flooded. My TV, Xbox360, mini-fridge, and couch were all destroyed. Good thing he tried to stop the leak with scotch tape. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48766

You deserved it

2608

Favorite

By rejected - United States - Charlotte

Today, my girlfriend saw the name "Melissa" on my phone's contact list. After refusing to tell her who it was, she accused me of being a cheater, broke up with me and stormed out of my house. Melissa is the name of a woman from Craigslist who was going to sell me an antique engagement ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44122

You deserved it

8886

Favorite

By epiiphany - United States

Today, my little brother got mad at me, so he colored the entire screen of my new iPod Touch with a black sharpie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40935

You deserved it

5330

Favorite

By farmingman - United States

Today, I was hauling cow shit. I had a car following me very closely, so I turned on the spreader to get them to back off. It was a cop. I got pulled over in a tractor for spraying cow shit on a cop car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10924

You deserved it

25285

Favorite

By hwscrewed - United States

Today, I was writing my narrative essay for my English class. When I turned it in, I was really proud of what I thought I wrote. Evidently for some people listening to music while writing essays is a bad thing. My essay was filled with little bits of ZZ Top lyrics. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8341

You deserved it

34620

Favorite

By litup - United States

Today, my drunk boyfriend thought it would be a good idea to light a firework in the back seat of my car while we were driving down the interstate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45618

You deserved it

6576

Favorite

By 4gottenmemories - United States

Today, my mom asked me to look through old VHS tapes to throw away, I found one that said "Ashley's kindergarten Play-'95", I put the tape in, it begins to play, only to see "Days of our lives", "Melrose Place", and "ER". My childhood memories are ranked lower than tv shows. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59637

You deserved it

3618

Favorite

By Thorin - United Kingdom

Today, I cut myself deeply with an expensive razor that advertised it's impossible to cut yourself with. Twice. Guess I always was an overachiever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31355

You deserved it

6647

Favorite

By Anonymous

Wrong place, right time

Today, I stopped to gas up. The pump wasn't taking my BP rewards card, and it said to go see the cashier. I went in to ask what's up, where the cashier politely pointed out that I was in a Shell gas station, not a BP. FML

I agree, your life sucks

445

You deserved it

1817

Favorite

By DonMare - Australia

Today, as I caught the train home, a woman got on and sat on the only available seat next to me. We got talking and as the train approached the next station, she said that this was her stop and she had to go. She exited the train and I turn to see her enter the compartment behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53491

You deserved it

7640

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/8/2020 02:02

Heartless

Today, I received a positive Covid-19 test. Despite being largely asymptomatic, the company I work for decided that I've behaved with "gross neglect" by coming to work in an attempt to support the company's ambition, and promptly fired me with no benefits. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1562

You deserved it

1373

Favorite

By Soapy

Today, I got a gift from my ex-boyfriend who's currently studying abroad. He got me a really creepy snowglobe for my "collection" as a sweet gesture, maybe to win me back. Except I don't collect snowglobes. He'd confused me with the girl he cheated on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6682

You deserved it

406

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I wrote "I love you" on my girlfriend's Facebook wall. She completely freaked out and accused me of being "too clingy" and that I'm starting to feel more like a stalker than a boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35435

You deserved it

7944

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/12/2020 11:09

The old switcheroo

Today, I was supposed to close on a house. Unfortunately, our lender decided that they couldn't finance us and denied us a loan, after 3 months of us digging up paperwork, saving money, and packing. Now we have to scramble to find a new place, while our insane landlady screams at us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

664

You deserved it

Favorite

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Top comments

By mackdeezy | 21

#7860224 - Monday 18 November 2019 5:27

I sympathize... but he's not wrong.

By JohnnyBravo_fml | 3

#7860250 - Monday 18 November 2019 10:20

Come on over. I’ll take care of ya. Let’s get dirty.

COMMENTS

By mackdeezy | 21

#7860224 - Monday 18 November 2019 5:27

I sympathize... but he's not wrong.

Sinshine | 27

#7860293 - Monday 18 November 2019 15:12

He didn't even care about being clean to a level where he doesn't stink. I highly doubt he cared about the condition of his body at all and was just angry that he was rejected for stinking in the first place.

By Boyufd | 22

#7860241 - Monday 18 November 2019 9:28

can you blame the guy

By JohnnyBravo_fml | 3

#7860250 - Monday 18 November 2019 10:20

Come on over. I’ll take care of ya. Let’s get dirty.

By Mathalamus | 24

#7860265 - Monday 18 November 2019 12:06

Clever of him to do that.

By Magtec | 11

#7860417 - Monday 18 November 2019 23:41

He probably took care of himself in the shower. Why didn't you join him?

AmbrosiaFan | 18

#7860427 - Monday 18 November 2019 23:56

THIS is an excellent idea.

By AmbrosiaFan | 18

#7860426 - Monday 18 November 2019 23:55

YDI totally. LMAO

By Chibicase | 17

#7860999 - Thursday 21 November 2019 4:46

Should have hopped in the shower with him 🤷‍♀️