By princess98

Revenge!

Today, I had to ask my boyfriend to take a shower, because he smelt awful and wanted to cuddle. After 45 minutes, he did so. I wanted to cuddle and fool around after he was done. I got rejected because he didn't want to get dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2044

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771

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Love

Out of it

Messed up

Freshman blues

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I tripped on a step that said "Watch your step." Two hours later, I hit my head on a sign that said "Mind your head." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32457

You deserved it

14645

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I hooked up with my ex-girlfriend, after she confessed to still being in love with me. I logged into Facebook after she left, only to find her status set to "I think I just made a big mistake." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29015

You deserved it

8626

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By growlr - Australia

Today, my boyfriend told me my vagina looks like an old man in a hat. It's OK though, he said it was a nice hat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43672

You deserved it

5782

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By Storm - Canada

Today, my boyfriend took me on a surprise date to an expensive restaurant. After the meal, he got down on his knee and proposed. We've only been dating for two weeks, so I said no. He just silently kept staring me in the eyes, no matter what I said or did. I ended up having to walk home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38762

You deserved it

5894

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By Anonymous

Bigmouth Strikes Again

Today, I was involved in an intense argument with my dad. Just as I yelled, "You haven't done one thing for me", my phone rang. The same phone that, as of today, my dad no longer pays the bill for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

379

You deserved it

4326

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By Anonymous

Today, our 6-month-old is finally sleeping through the night. We thought we'd finally get a good night sleep ourselves, until my dumb husband fell asleep with the tv on and our 5-year-old ended up watching Saw 3 by herself. Now the 5-year-old wakes up with nightmares. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3100

You deserved it

558

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By epicvixen - Canada - Richmond

Today, while driving, I saw someone's hubcap blowing away behind me on the highway. I thought it was funny and sort of chuckled to myself. Later I realized it was my hubcap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17738

You deserved it

27160

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By Notcheating - 3/12/2019 18:00

Not a cheating!

Today, my father-in-law caught me, a lesbian, buying condoms. He thought I was cheating. I didn’t know how to tell him that his daughter is allergic to our dildo.

I agree, your life sucks

3943

You deserved it

442

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By Kamburgler - United States

Today, this really cute guy at work kept flirting with me and cracking the funniest jokes. Before he left, he told me how much he enjoyed making me smile. An hour later, I saw my reflection in a mirror, I had a huge piece of food stuck in my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36298

You deserved it

5679

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By crosscountryfatigue

Today, with one week left until I fly to my new apartment, movers loaded my belongings and happily drove off. They even loaded my unpacked, inflated air mattress. Looks like I'm sleeping on the floor for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2512

You deserved it

358

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By steven - Cayman Islands

Today, I had my first kiss standing in front of my front door. It was really cute, the way you normally think about first kisses. When I got inside, I realized my mom had been watching out her second story bedroom window taking pictures. She put them on Facebook captioned 'My baby's first kiss!' FML

I agree, your life sucks

100974

You deserved it

7260

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By Central

Mom of the century

Today, I've not had any contact with my mother for years, and when tornadoes came through our hometown and wiped out most of our downtown area, she didn't contact me at all. I finally contacted her myself. Her reason for not contacting me? She had "watched the news" and "knew I was OK." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1497

You deserved it

186

Favorite

By pixiegirl - United States

Today, I found out that my "secret admirer" I've been exchanging letters with for the last three months, and even started developing feelings for, is actually my ex best friend trying to pull a prank on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38775

You deserved it

6790

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By Anonymous

Today, after 4 days without being able to poop, now, while sitting stuck in traffic, I have the sudden urge to use the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1684

You deserved it

132

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Portland

Today, my husband discovered poking me in my belly button makes me have to pee, sometimes it's uncontrollable and happens immediately. He thinks it's hilarious and decided it's his new favorite game. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31253

You deserved it

3085

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By winnerwinner - United States

Today, my husband informed me that he has been purposely finishing before me in bed as a form of punishment for beating him at Mario Kart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37661

You deserved it

6797

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By single&alone - United States - Seattle

Today, my boyfriend's little sister told me she hates me. I thought she was just a jealous, whiny tard like most kids are, until she calmly walked over to the wall and headbutted it hard. She burst into tears, ran out of the room, and told my boyfriend I hit her. He believed her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39171

You deserved it

3476

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By Ecolo-girl - France - Quint

Today, my wife, the budding environmentalist, who is also 6 months pregnant, threatened to leave me because according to her I'm responsible for the world's deforestation. I'd only drawn her a picture of her with our baby-to-be. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21918

You deserved it

1943

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By gummy bear

Today, trying to be an old-school romantic, I asked my girlfriend "where art thou my love?" via SMS. She replied "Toilet." FML

I agree, your life sucks

17481

You deserved it

30809

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By jellyybean - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he didn't believe in marriage. His response was, "I believe in marriage. Just not marriage with you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41547

You deserved it

5841

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be romantic to pick me up, throw me over his shoulder and take me to the bedroom. Little did he know that he literally threw me over his shoulder, and I face-planted on the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32582

You deserved it

3144

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By OzzyWannabee - France - Issy-les-moulineaux

Today, I tried to overcome my shyness by warmly greeting the bus driver while entering it. I instead blurted out really loudly the words of the song my iPod was playing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30916

You deserved it

7148

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By danthecomplicate - United States

Today, my girlfriend changed her relationship status on Facebook to 'It's Complicated' because I didn't give her my last cookie. This happens all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35185

You deserved it

12436

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By dumbassgrad - United States - El Monte

Today, I accidentally left my textbook at home. Normally this wouldn't be an issue, but today was my class final. Since it was an open-book final, I'd decided not to study for it. I'm pretty sure I failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10322

You deserved it

38346

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By ashlee - United States

Today, after my husband's phone buzzed like crazy all morning, I decided to pick it up and see what all the fuss was about. He had three new picture messages from his "boss", naked and strapped to a chair with the caption, "Are you still coming over tonight?" We've been married for nine years and have two children. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65201

You deserved it

4585

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was wondering why my home smelled so weird, until I found out that my 4 year old son had been secretly scattering around food he didn't like to eat throughout the house. How did I find out? No one else in this family leaves half eaten spinach all over my underwear drawer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27721

You deserved it

3848

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By rofindie - United States - Forest Hills

Today, my dad found a couple of coins on the floor next to my desk, and gave me a lecture about how money doesn't grow on trees and how irresponsible I am when it comes to money. They were Chuck E. Cheese tokens. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25022

You deserved it

2677

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By Tris

Talk is cheap

Today, my co-workers keep making fun of me because I said, “You’re very so welcome.” They say it's not proper grammar, but honestly I can’t find anything that says I’m wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

536

You deserved it

1859

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By Anonymous - United States - Silverdale

Today, I had to negotiate with my husband so he would bring me toilet paper while I was on the john. His terms? A blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34945

You deserved it

7744

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I learned that all it takes to anger my sister's new parrot is to walk past its perch. I also learned that a beak over two inches long is very capable of inflicting injuries that require stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28058

You deserved it

4119

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By uglyyyyy - United States

Today, I was working my job at Sephora when I overheard two women talking. One of them asked her friend, "Is being pretty a requirement to work here?" Her friend turned to see me, turned back to her friend and said, "I guess not." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39846

You deserved it

3243

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By Talkingbeforethinking

Today in class I accidentally called my teacher very old and almost dead. As we were discussing a book I said that the book character is very old and close to death since it fitted to the context. Turns out this character is one year younger than my teacher and she wasn't amused. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1614

You deserved it

579

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Santa Fe

Today, I went to work and said hi to my boss. He reached towards me. I thought he was trying to give me a hug, so I awkwardly hugged him back. Turned out he was just trying to fix my shirt collar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30101

You deserved it

4445

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend came up to me and told me we would never do anything sexual in our relationship. She said I was too adorable to take seriously in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

136709

You deserved it

10494

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By lonesomegal - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my sister asked me how my boyfriend was doing. He died two years ago. She was the first person I told. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33280

You deserved it

2432

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By Marleck - United States

Today, the girl I love told me she was sick of guys. I replied that I happened to be a guy. She laughed and said "No, I mean the boyfriend type!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

50633

You deserved it

4643

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a spur of the moment idea to go have my nose pierced. The piercer made sure to tell me how easily the little stud could get caught or hung up. I spent all day stressing over it only to scratch my nose and rip it out. Now I have a $40 bleeding hole in my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23752

You deserved it

36843

Favorite

By psh_idontbite - United States

Today, I was walking my dog around my neighborhood, when I saw this really cute boy. My dog then saw a squirrel and dragged me through mud. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30623

You deserved it

3519

Favorite

By 2young4birds&bees

Today, while changing my tampon in a public restroom, a toddler crawled under the door of my stall and asked what I was doing. I had to wait until I'd finished to open the door and let her out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10658

You deserved it

703

Favorite

By mellbelle32 - United States

Today, my visiting cousin was driving me to pick-up and pay for my wedding cake at the bakery. The cops pulled him over for speeding and as it turns out his license was expired. I ended up having to use my wedding cake money to bail him out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43056

You deserved it

3471

Favorite

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Top comments

By mackdeezy | 21

#7860224 - Monday 18 November 2019 5:27

I sympathize... but he's not wrong.

By JohnnyBravo_fml | 2

#7860250 - Monday 18 November 2019 10:20

Come on over. I’ll take care of ya. Let’s get dirty.

COMMENTS

By mackdeezy | 21

#7860224 - Monday 18 November 2019 5:27

I sympathize... but he's not wrong.

Sinshine | 27

#7860293 - Monday 18 November 2019 15:12

He didn't even care about being clean to a level where he doesn't stink. I highly doubt he cared about the condition of his body at all and was just angry that he was rejected for stinking in the first place.

By Boyufd | 22

#7860241 - Monday 18 November 2019 9:28

can you blame the guy

By JohnnyBravo_fml | 2

#7860250 - Monday 18 November 2019 10:20

Come on over. I’ll take care of ya. Let’s get dirty.

By Mathalamus | 24

#7860265 - Monday 18 November 2019 12:06

Clever of him to do that.

By Magtec | 11

#7860417 - Monday 18 November 2019 23:41

He probably took care of himself in the shower. Why didn't you join him?

AmbrosiaFan | 18

#7860427 - Monday 18 November 2019 23:56

THIS is an excellent idea.

By AmbrosiaFan | 18

#7860426 - Monday 18 November 2019 23:55

YDI totally. LMAO

By Chibicase | 17

#7860999 - Thursday 21 November 2019 4:46

Should have hopped in the shower with him 🤷‍♀️