Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend turned down a shower with me because he didn't... - FML

By Georgia

Today, my boyfriend turned down a shower with me because he didn't want to get his hair wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40481

You deserved it

6029

Tweet

Share

Walk on the wild side

Haircut, haircuuuut

Blabbermouth

By Anonymous - United States - Revere

Today, my brother set me up on a blind date. I've been single for years and he said she was a perfect match for me, so I was excited. Turned out the fucker was playing a prank. The girl was my sister, who was just as surprised as I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15259

You deserved it

1091

Tweet

Share

By billy - United States - Wellesley Hills

Today, I dislocated my toe while putting on my socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31858

You deserved it

5358

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me. She wants to try dating women. This is the second time this has happened to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45461

You deserved it

6509

Tweet

Share

By notacaveman - Netherlands

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she had drunkenly slept with another guy last night. Since she seemed genuinely upset, and had confessed right away, I decided to forgive her the slip-up. She then angrily broke up with me, because "if I really loved her, I would've been more angry." FML

I agree, your life sucks

76044

You deserved it

13406

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Burlington

Today, I'm apparently so desperate for companionship that my body has subconsciously synced my period with the girl who works in the cubicle adjacent to mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21316

You deserved it

2938

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/7/2020 23:00

Sharing is caring

Today, I found out my sister-in-law cheated on her husband. I also found out my uncle cheated on my aunt with my sister-in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1659

You deserved it

103

Tweet

Share

By ZombieGirl - United States - Tampa

Today, I signed the lease on my first apartment alone with my boyfriend. We've lived here a month before we got to sign. Today is also the day my neighbors decided to show how they're night owls: all I hear is banging on the walls and them loudly talking and yelling. This will be a long year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22615

You deserved it

1792

Tweet

Share

By ohno - United States - Spring Lake

Today, for the second time, I had an argument with my mother about whether William Shakespeare was a real person or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28403

You deserved it

2596

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Boise

Today, I now know what it feels like to violently sneeze while a nurse still has a needle in your arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22010

You deserved it

1452

Tweet

Share

By BannedfromFriend - United States

Today, I was at my best friend's house, listening to him complain about his mother remembering all the bad stuff he did when he was in high school. I jokingly said, "An elephant never forgets." Guess who was behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24770

You deserved it

10866

Tweet

Share

By Hireme

Hobbies and Interests

Today, after being unemployed for the last year, I finally got an interview. When they asked me my favorite pastime, I panicked and said, "Dancing with my cat." I guess I won’t be hearing from them anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3477

You deserved it

1064

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I was eating lunch, and accidentally got ketchup on the sofa, so I hastily doused it with stain remover. The ketchup is now no longer there; however there is a larger stain in its place. I stained the sofa with stain remover. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24203

You deserved it

4717

Tweet

Share

By RitaDahhlinnnng - United States

Today, I had my first real date with my first serious boyfriend. I was nervous because from past experience. I learned my lips were a bit ticklish and I usually giggled a bit during kissing. Well, we started making out and I thought was I doing pretty good hiding my laughs. Until I wet myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50927

You deserved it

10797

Tweet

Share

By pappy - United States - Lees Summit

Today, my friend asked me if I flirted with any girls during our shift. I said, "No, not any I could think of." He then told me there was a note on my windshield that said, "Call me" with a phone number on it. After my shift, I went to my car excited and read the note. It was just a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1834

You deserved it

281

Tweet

Share

By wowzersthatsucks - United States

Today, I got a facebook relationship request from my crush of 2 and a half years. I was so excited until he posted on my wall, "Sorry wrong Catherine". FML

I agree, your life sucks

52193

You deserved it

5916

Tweet

Share

By wowza - United States

Today, a boy I'm not even dating took it upon himself to tell me that we would never work out. Via text message. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29411

You deserved it

2457

Tweet

Share

By elliebellie - 21/3/2021 00:28 - Australia

It'll be a Vlog next

Today, my husband forgot to log out of his laptop. Out of curiosity, I checked what was on the screen. It turns out he has his own blog where he shares all the intimate details about our sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1247

You deserved it

179

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Wilmington

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Things got heated and I yelled, "Who's your daddy?" With a blank expression she replied, "I don't know." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36188

You deserved it

17874

Tweet

Share

By TheOtherWoman - United Kingdom - Weston-super-mare

Today, I saw in my browser history a profile from one of those "Facebook of sex" websites. Turns out that my boyfriend has been posting naked pictures of himself on there using my laptop and flirting with teenage girls. His excuse? "I have friends on there." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33063

You deserved it

3285

Tweet

Share

By Seanzy - United States

Today, the girl I've had a crush on forever asked me why the pin on my Letterman jacket had two guys doing it. I told her it was for participating in a wrestling tournament. And she responded, "Oh I thought you were finally coming out of the closet!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

64876

You deserved it

6833

Tweet

Share

By BrokeBride - United States - Hudson

Today, I asked for time off from work for my wedding and honeymoon. A grand total of three days. My boss made a face like he'd sucked on rancid toes and asked me if I was stupid. Awesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44350

You deserved it

3317

Tweet

Share

By Username - United States

Today, I discovered that if I work out, I can't get an erection, but if I don't work out, my penis functions fine. This wouldn't be such a problem if I wasn't a professional bodybuilder. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36645

You deserved it

13468

Tweet

Share

By anon

Today, I finally got the courage to say to my boyfriend that I feel invisible and ignored. To this he said 'You aren't invisible, I mean, look at that nose.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

41433

You deserved it

7661

Tweet

Share

By everythingWASperfect - Canada

Today, at work, I accidentally walked into a meeting at which the whole company was there but me. The meeting was about how they could legally fire me while paying as little severance as possible. I'm the CEO and the founder of the company. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47591

You deserved it

4291

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I received roughly 50 paper cuts while I was at work. I didn't realize this until after I applied hand sanitizer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47221

You deserved it

6030

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Three kids?

Today, I got the results proving if my ex-girlfriend's kid was mine. The results came back negative and I can't have kids. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have 3 kids with my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3030

You deserved it

287

Tweet

Share

By A bit cowardly?

Today, my boyfriend of two years asked his friend to propose to me for him, because he was too nervous to do it himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1982

You deserved it

232

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/3/2021 21:30

Sorry for what?

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years said he wanted an open relationship. When I asked if it was because I wasn’t good enough to fulfill his needs, he got mad at me and now expects an apology. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1085

You deserved it

125

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me the reason she asked me to shave my beard. When I go down on her shaved, it feels more like her ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37649

You deserved it

3840

Tweet

Share

By bored - United States

Today, I've now worked on Thanksgiving, Black Friday, the weekend after that, and two days this week. My husband and son have had all that time off, and yet I've still ended up having to clean the dishes and the house after them on all of these days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30289

You deserved it

5643

Tweet

Share

By smartass - United States - Houston

Today, I realized that a classmate and I have the same glasses. To prove it, I tried bending his glasses, since mine are flexible and can bend. I snapped his glasses in half. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13697

You deserved it

39283

Tweet

Share

By Dumped and pregnant

Today, my ex dumped me for his ex that cheated on him. Today, I also found out I am pregnant. When I told him he said, "I’m really happy for you. I hope it all works out." FML

I agree, your life sucks

4593

You deserved it

510

Tweet

Share

By Kalaina - France

Today, I received a three-time forwarded message which I thought would turn out to be a random chain message. Turns out my boyfriend didn't want to send me the "break-up text" himself and figured it would get to me eventually after sending it to all my best friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37443

You deserved it

2507

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Denmark

Today, I got stung by a bee. On my eyelid. I'm allergic so it's swollen up so much, I can't even open my eye. Tomorrow is the first day of a new prestigious school. I either have to go to school wearing an eye-patch or walk around looking like a monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48658

You deserved it

3304

Tweet

Share

By bloodyLIP - United States

Today, I learned the hard way that an ice cube is capable of ripping the skin off your bottom lip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27174

You deserved it

14120

Tweet

Share

By BohGlam

Today, my boss reprimanded me for my lack of media communications skills. It would be more understandable if I weren't a janitor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10118

You deserved it

621

Tweet

Share

By ShiddyDiddy

Today, my girlfriend's obsession with her bird reached a new level when she wrote him a song specifically for after he poops. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1467

You deserved it

177

Tweet

Share

By heartbroken - Canada

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, all because whenever I laugh I say "lol." FML

I agree, your life sucks

12220

You deserved it

113860

Tweet

Share

By abbacjt - United States

Today, I sent my sister a text about how fat I was becoming and looking as disgusting as my ex husband. When I checked to see if she had received it I saw that I had accidentally sent it to my ex father in law. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7742

You deserved it

26576

Tweet

Share

By sunburychick - Australia

Today, I realised that the man who I wanted to be with, the man who wanted to be with me, and my husband were three different people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46764

You deserved it

26061

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By marinus_fml | 19

#2501648 - Friday 13 May 2011 9:00

Respect his decision. Self centered bitch.

By atthegates | 0

#2502077 - Friday 13 May 2011 11:40

disagree. guy code states that showers with women are mandatory

COMMENTS

By marinus_fml | 19

#2501648 - Friday 13 May 2011 9:00

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

VinegarStrokes | 0

#2501721 - Friday 13 May 2011 9:11

Lol... Win.

Reply

DropDead77 | 11

#2501852 - Friday 13 May 2011 9:44

agreed.

Reply

atthegates | 0

#2502077 - Friday 13 May 2011 11:40

disagree. guy code states that showers with women are mandatory

Reply

ijrnelson | 0

#2503932 - Friday 13 May 2011 19:57

62s amendment of 47s guy rule stands. Afros > girl I'm shower.

Reply

Di55le | 9

#2504150 - Friday 13 May 2011 21:21

I second this!

Reply

iloveyouchung | 0

#2601444 - Wednesday 1 June 2011 21:45

you asshole

Reply

bbbabe | 0

#2676789 - Tuesday 14 June 2011 5:38

how is she a self-centered bitch?

By california283 | 6

#2501652 - Friday 13 May 2011 9:00

man up boy.

Reply

dabom392 | 4

#2502764 - Friday 13 May 2011 15:11

r those size A. bras i c?

Reply

lajaynay | 15

#2503008 - Friday 13 May 2011 16:17

itty bitty titty committee

Reply

Mubus | 0

#2503266 - Friday 13 May 2011 17:13

60: Your profile pic is just pure awsomeness :)

Reply

Nick_1993 | 2

#2515845 - Monday 16 May 2011 0:42

Boobs are boobs. they are all nice!!

Reply

Zufallian | 34

#6351496 - Wednesday 15 July 2015 18:59

If this were a guy writing this FML you wouldn't be saying that.

By techweed | 12

#2501653 - Friday 13 May 2011 9:00

he's implying that you're ugly

Reply

sweetcheeksjvl | 0

#2501814 - Friday 13 May 2011 9:35

or he doesn't like her body..?

Reply

ILoveEggnog | 7

#2501917 - Friday 13 May 2011 10:05

Same thing.

Reply

Garyy_fml | 11

#2502497 - Friday 13 May 2011 13:28

Or that he's a puss that doesnt want to get his hair wet.

Reply

flighted | 1

#2503365 - Friday 13 May 2011 17:37

no lol sounds like my boyfriend. we both have curly hair but when he's got his hair looking nice he won't even lean back on a chair in the car for fear of rubbing his head on the head rest "I don't wanna mess up my haaiirr!!!" lol. men.

By konjaman | 0

#2501657 - Friday 13 May 2011 9:00

maybe he knew you were gonna get him back for what he did to you last time. "refers to older fml"

Reply

blake4months | 0

#2513298 - Sunday 15 May 2011 9:30

Heh heh golden shower!!!

By m0tl3ycru3 | 0

#2501667 - Friday 13 May 2011 9:02

a wig

By foilindo | 0

#2501668 - Friday 13 May 2011 9:02

maybe he wasn't drunk enough!!! lol

Reply

Ali_Br_fml | 33

#2501786 - Friday 13 May 2011 9:25

Song blaring in the background -You're pretty when I'm drunk, You're pretty when I'm drunk, You're pretty when I'm drunk...-
"But I'm not drunk enough..."

Reply

Ali_Br_fml | 33

#2501798 - Friday 13 May 2011 9:29

Song blaring in the background -You're pretty when I'm drunk, You're pretty when I'm drunk, You're pretty when I'm drunk...-
"But I'm not drunk enough..."

By lolgiraffe_fml | 0

#2501683 - Friday 13 May 2011 9:05

Vellus hair

By Ann23 | 7

#2501686 - Friday 13 May 2011 9:05

turn down sex, see what he does then !

Reply

foilindo | 0

#2501702 - Friday 13 May 2011 9:08

he'll have it with someone else!!! lol

Reply

hypnotiq_trini | 0

#2501731 - Friday 13 May 2011 9:14

lmao ^

Reply

dreamering | 16

#2501897 - Friday 13 May 2011 9:55

9. I don’t think that strategy will work. There are lots of other substitutes out there; hands, hookers, dolls, other girlfriends, chickens, cows, apple pies etc, etc, etc.

How about talking to him instead ;)

Reply

srhshl | 9

#2502747 - Friday 13 May 2011 15:09

OP can even keep with the theme.
"Sorry babe, not now. I don't want to get my vagina wet!"

Reply

dcats | 13

#2502755 - Friday 13 May 2011 15:10

apparently, he doesn't want to get his penis wet either.

Reply

ritbbehindu | 0

#2504933 - Saturday 14 May 2011 0:23

dcat, what's up with your pic?

Reply

dreamering | 16

#2505172 - Saturday 14 May 2011 0:55

She's trying not get wet.

Will look like idiots when she will change her picture.

Reply

tree07 | 1

#2505606 - Saturday 14 May 2011 2:22

shes got nice tits tho lol

By Michigan_Girl | 0

#2501693 - Friday 13 May 2011 9:06

shoulda told him to put a plastic bag over his hair lol!

Reply

BraBrando | 0

#2503798 - Friday 13 May 2011 19:28

Suffocation?!

By WompWompWomp123 | 7

#2501697 - Friday 13 May 2011 9:07

Get him a shower cap. BAM - problem solved!

Reply

Igor_g5 | 0

#2503035 - Friday 13 May 2011 16:23

If it's at nite I don't like to get my hair wet either. Cuz it's really long. But I'll take a shower with you. F the hair.