Sex, Roommate, Lonely and Intimacy: That old chestnut

That old chestnut

By foreveralone - 24/09/2012 23:12 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I was trying to convince my flatmate to agree to let me get us a kitten. After gushing about how cute they are, and showing her loads of pictures, she just stared at me and said, "You really need a penis inside you now and again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 807

You deserved it 23 512

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Same thing different taste

By djoe - 28/10/2010 12:00 - Australia

Today, I was patting my kitten who was asleep underneath the blanket on my lap. My roommate walked in and gave me disgusted look. She thought I was playing with myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 882

You deserved it 6 314

Twins

By rufusthepenis - 02/10/2011 22:57 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She got my cock out, stopped, and told me it looked like "Rufus the naked mole rat." She spent the next 20 minutes showing me pictures, describing in detail why they looked similar, and laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 314

You deserved it 4 846

Comedian

By WoofWoof - 27/09/2020 14:01 - Pakistan - Islamabad

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that getting on all fours and barking at my penis for fun in the center of a mall is extremely inappropriate. She thinks otherwise, and promises to do it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 405

You deserved it 416

By Anonymous - 01/05/2017 20:42

Today, I came home to yet another kitten. My girlfriend swore to me this would never happen again. When I reminded her of her promise, she told me the kitten will be staying, and she wants me to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 904

You deserved it 1 135

I did not consent to this under my roof

By CatBlock - 31/01/2014 06:16 - United States - Decatur

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. As we were getting into it, his cat came into the room, sat, and stared us down with what looked like disapproving eyes. After 5 minutes had gone by, we stopped completely. A cat just cockblocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 351

You deserved it 8 008

By Acne_problems - 22/02/2019 02:00

Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to do the deed and she started popping zits on my chest. Then she said that I was killing the mood because my cat was meowing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 985

You deserved it 261

By grizzlybear - 27/06/2011 05:55 - Mexico

Today, my boyfriend told me that if I had a penis, our relationship would be better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 150

You deserved it 6 990

By ouchh - 11/09/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 930

You deserved it 7 318

By Anonymous - 25/02/2010 00:29 - United States

Today, my roommate brought a kitten to the apartment. I hate cats, and probably sensing this, the thing clawed me right in the crotch. I of course am not going to say a thing because I happen to be in love with my roommate, but she has no clue how much I hate this thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 982

You deserved it 28 063

Sick move, bro

By jlw1998 - 25/04/2016 04:36 - United States - Dallas

Today, I bought my girlfriend a cat. I now have a cat and no girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 492

You deserved it 4 506

CheeseTron 15

Tuesday 25 September 2012 8:49

Don't listen to her. More pussy is always the answer.

nelds 12

Tuesday 25 September 2012 8:48

Why not have both?

Comments

sporty1200xlr 6

Tuesday 25 September 2012 15:35

I think she would prefer a pussy right about now....

ApologyKick 25

Tuesday 25 September 2012 16:27

Cats are like potato chips, you can just have one

ApologyKick 25

Tuesday 25 September 2012 16:28

Can*t

iwadasn 32

Tuesday 25 September 2012 17:04

I don't really see how that's relevant. Is there some sort of correlation between not having sex and thinking kittens are cute?

RedPillSucks 31

Tuesday 25 September 2012 17:20

Coincidence does not imply causality. OP thinks kittens are cute AND she needs to have some dick. Two independent thing joined simply by her flat mates sudden(?) realization.

drkate25 30

Tuesday 25 September 2012 17:23

I used to really hate cats and my boyfriend has two brother cats that he adopted as kittens. Now after we've been living together and I've been dealing with them on a daily basis, I can say I don't really hate cats. I only kinda hate cats.