Today, my boyfriend asked me to 'spice things up in the bedroom'. When I asked how, he said I could try wearing a paper bag over my head. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my girlfriend put a paper bag over my head while we had sex. Her reason? Because she thinks she is so good in bed she was worried I'd hyperventilate due to all the excitement. Instead I fainted due to lack of oxygen after three minutes. FML
Today, my girlfriend asked if we could spice up our sex life. She didn't think it was too funny when I laid out all of our spices on the bed. She now refuses to have sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend admitted that he'd like to dress me in a squirrel suit and chase me through the forest. This was the surprising result of a discussion on how to spice up our love life. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky. He pulled off my panties and was about to go down on me when he said, "Wait, what's this white thing?" It was a piece of toilet paper. FML
Today, my boyfriend said he wanted to try something new. By something new, it was to put flour in my butt and see what would happen if I farted. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to make me wear a fake mustache during sex. He said it "turns him on." FML
Today, I told my long-distance boyfriend that I'd like to throw my legs over my head and have him cram his dick deep inside me. He told me to order a pizza, "It'd be more fun." FML
Today, as my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room, he took off my underwear. As he was about to go down on me, I spread my legs to help out. He then looked up at me and said, "You got some toilet paper left behind." FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML
Today, I tried to spice things up in the bedroom by making love to my husband in a tight leather corset. I ended up passing out. FML
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Top comments
RayeofSunshine 0
Please tell me you're never going to have sex with him again if he's going to disrespect you like that. You should dump his ass. You deserve better.
nerdsgetmehot 23
If you haven't dumped him yet, I suggest doing so. Don't put up with that. If you do put up with that, then you deserve it! Stand up for yourself.
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Comments (82)
perdix 31
If your face is that awful, let him go for anal. It can get you an "I love you" after three years, plus you help the environment by not wasting paper bags.
Cass3m0 0
Good reference to an FML. Props.
perdix 31
Thank ya, . . . thank ya very much. And, yeah, this one is for you ;)
DocBastard 40
Here is some sage advice - if you want to make things interesting, maybe use some butter or marjoram to lube him up. Don't stoop down to his level and pepper him with insults. That'll just be salt in the wounds. Sometimes letting him cumin your mouth or using a dill-do will turn him on, show him you clove him, and increase his basil metabolic rate. But curry his favor, have a fun bedroom caper, and you'll be fine in no thyme.
premiermois 5
oh my god I love you Doc
Froley 0
I see what you did there. :D
Busty_fml 0
Break up with him, he will only get worse with time, save yourself the trouble of heart ache
albinoV 1
Sounds like a light-hearted joke to me. Why would this guy stay with someone he can't look at during intimacy?
lavahead10164 0
that way you don't have to give him head:)
taniaaaaa 0
What a douche ! You dont need him hunn
UrTheWorstCharac 0
Just be glad he didn't choose plastic.
Deitsu 1
lmfao ^
Dez31396 0
oh burn!! u got owned
Jackmangold 0
that's when you kick that douche in the nuts
triggerit 5
op can try wearing a condom over your head. FyL