Today, it's my birthday. I don't mind crappy gifts, but I have to wonder why the hell my boyfriend bought me a home enema kit. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my boyfriend decided to gift me soap, a razor, and deodorant for my birthday. FML
Today, it's my birthday. I lit my birthday candles on the cake I made myself and blew them out alone, while my worthless husband sat on the couch stuffing Doritos in his face. My present? He sprayed Lysol in the bathroom after he took a dump. FML
Today, my boyfriend gave me acne cream for my birthday. FML
Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend was kind enough to give me prescription strength deodorant. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My gifts were a stomach bug from my kid and a confession to a year-long affair from my (now soon-to-be-ex) husband of 21 years. Nobody even got me a card. FML
Today, it’s my birthday. My boyfriend didn’t get me a present, or do anything special for me, because, “The rent’s paid, you have a fridge full of groceries… What more do you want?” Later on, he asked me why did I, “look so sad?” FML
Today, it's my birthday. I told my boyfriend I wanted to feel special even if for just one day. He said he would do the laundry for me. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My fiancé decided to give me the gift of "freedom." That's how he put it, anyway. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend took me to dinner and near the end, he pulled out a long, rectangular box. Thinking it was a necklace, I got very excited. It was a wand. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me the present she'd bought for me. I said, joking, "I hope it's not a tie!" It was a tie. FML
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Top comments
BreynHope 11
Nothing says happy birthday like a clean asshole. Take it all in stride.
BlesstheSilence 11
Swiggity swooty he's coming for that booty!
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Comments (199)
PandaBurst 10
Most people get birthday sex. You, my dear, are getting birthday anal. Haha! Have fun with that one. *Cringes*
MrBoredomioo 18
Now that's a crappy gift!
Muttley9 13
Maybe he is trying to tell you 1.) He's kinkier than you. 2.) He does NOT use condoms during anal sex. 3.) He sincerely wishes to do your sweet virgin anus. 4. He is already contemplating the next virgin orifice...
StinkMonkey22 4
He obviously wants anal, not hard to notice.
darkfireflame 15
He wants to stick it in your pooper!
fckmylife1018 0
I didn't even receive a single gift on my birthday
megalizard92 12
Maybe he has a fetish?
bubblesbrynn 4
he wants anal
Comoke1024 19
I see what you did there.
CoriCat 25
Nothing says happy birthday than good clean anal!