Today, my 4-year-old daughter figured out how to set a parental code lock on our television so we can't watch football because it scares her when we scream. She won't tell us no matter what we bribe her with. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my daughter asked me for permission to go to her boyfriend’s studio apartment without any supervision to “watch a soccer game and eat pizza.” I said no because she thinks I was born yesterday. She proceeded to throw a tantrum and told me that she hopes my breast cancer kills me. FML
Today, I took away my 8-year-old daughter's toy for throwing it too many times. She then said, "I need a beer." FML
Today, I had to pick my daughter up from pre-school because she repeatedly hit another kid with a stick. Apparently, my parents have been letting her watch violent action movies again. FML
Today, my 14 year-old daughter threw a massive fit over showering. She dislodged the shower curtain rod and threatened to beat us with it if we ever force her to shower again. FML
Today, my 7-year-old daughter made a new game: hitting me in the groin when I'm not expecting it. She hunts me in the house, hides around corners, and behind furniture to ambush me. She'll even do it if she catches me napping. I'm a grown man living in fear of a little girl. FML
Today, my 7-year-old daughter has been hopelessly stuck on an easy puzzle in her favorite video game for a week now. Today, she excitedly told me that she'd figured it out. The solution to the puzzle? No, she’s figured out how to look up a walkthrough on the internet. FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter's school saying that she had beat someone up. She's 4. FML
Today, I figured out my 1-year-old daughter likes to dip her hand in our dogs' water bowl, and rub the water on her face. So I put the water bowl out of reach. She then figured out how to open the bathroom door and use the toilet instead. FML
Today, I was woken up by my 5 year-old daughter hitting me with a pillow because she had a dream that I was using her toothbrush on the dog. We don't have a dog. She is now refusing to brush her teeth. FML
Today, I was teaching my 4 year-old daughter about "stranger danger" and how to deal with it. Later that day, we went out and since I didn't buy her a ice cream, she kept screaming "STRANGER DANGER!" A total stranger tackled me until the cops arrived. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
injuredathlete 12
someone needs to learn good behavior.
uarudeassbitchyo 17
Your child is a genius!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (333)
carecow 16
Some of the more modern machines have reset buttons, altho you'll probably end up having to scan for all channels again.
DanielleinDC 33
1. Call the cable company and see if they can take the code off. As someone pointed out, the kid could have forgotten. Or you could take away her toys until she tells you. 2. Try to be a bit calmer when watching sports. I know it's easier said than done (you should see me when I'm watching hockey), but do it for the sake of your kid's well-being. 3. Put the remote control where she can't get at it. I assume that's what she used to block you from watching sports.
clrichmond2009 24
love the hockey comment because it's me all the way. after I put my son to bed I tend to let loose and wake him up.:-P I've had to start watching in the basement when he's asleep, and when he's awake I have to control myself and not scream at the refs. hopefully he'll be like his mother and screaming at the refs by age six.
DanielleinDC 33
You should have seen me when the Caps beat the Bruins in game 7 overtime in 2012. I was jumping up and screaming--but trying not to scream so loud it would piss off my next-door neighbor--and my boyfriend said that I scared the cat and she was hiding under the sofa. This month, it's been a trial not to eat everything in the apartment when I'm watching the Caps.
Evilbear 16
sounds like you care more about football than about your child, which isn't really a good thing, is it?
jweb1434 6
Call your tv provider! I'm sure they can help
thain1982 1
Epic child is epic.
ASBriere 8
That bitch
siggy_mcsigx 22
Who calls a little four year old girl a bitch? You're horrendous.
Slawter16 24
Not gonna lie, that's really clever for a 4 year old. FYL, but tone down the screaming; that scared the shit out of me when I was younger too.
Arokthis 21
You deserve it for not setting the parental code in the first place.
Izabushel 65
Very true.
TisAPenguin 16
I agree that she shouldn't have any control over the TV, but shame on you for not giving a damn about scaring your child. You can control your actions during a damn football game. You can get excited about a game without screaming.
lolita88_fml 27
The kid's obviously really intimidated by your moronic screaming over goddamn sports, so learn to have some self-control and maybe she won't resort to ******* up your TV to ensure she isn't getting frightened every time a game is on. She's not a bitch or a brat for trying to make herself feel ok, you bunch of mouthbreathers! If someone was doing something that always scared you you'd try to stop it somehow too, this child is very clever for coming up with such a plan, obviously she really, REALLY hated the screaming. I don't blame her, I'd be the exact same if I was FOUR YEARS OLD.