Today, I figured out my 1-year-old daughter likes to dip her hand in our dogs' water bowl, and rub the water on her face. So I put the water bowl out of reach. She then figured out how to open the bathroom door and use the toilet instead. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I gave my 8-month-old a bath in the kitchen sink after dinner, like I always do. Today, she decided to poop in it. FML
Today, my 3-year-old missed the toilet. In the time it took me to get paper towel to clean it up, my one-year-old decided it was the perfect puddle to play in. FML
Today, I caught my 4 year old son yet again trying to drink out of the toilet. FML
Today, I was babysitting my friend's two year-old daughter. Within 15 minutes, she had crawled out of her crib, taken off her diaper, and smooshed her poop in between the cracks in the floor. I put her in the tub, left to get a towel, and came back to her pooping in the tub. FML
Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML
Today, my dog figured out she can wipe her butthole on my walls after having squeezed out a turd or two. FML
Today, I was working on potty training my daughter. She opened the fridge while I wasn't looking and peed all over the lower shelf. FML
Today, my 3-year-old girl accidentally caught sight of me stepping out of the shower. Now she thinks "daddy has a tail" and she just has to let everyone know about it. FML
Today, I left the door open while I went to the bathroom and my 11-month-old crawled in and then took off with my toilet paper. FML
Today, my 2-year-old son figured out that if he takes his pull-up off and DOESN'T go on the potty, he can pee all over things. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thank you, your FML was submitted, and will appear the moderation soon!
Top comments
vegetaftw 28
At least she knows how to wash her face.
shutupmichaela 18
she's 1, dude.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (104)
priest_of_war 10
Gross
caohm 18
i bet you were just just the most polite and cleanest baby ever with tons of manners right
mmyoung979 14
Even if it's gross, at least she was smart enough to find out another way to do what she wanted.
thrifting 18
When I was born I almost died because I was choking on my own shit. At least she doesn't eat turds!
Gingerette 8
#66, holy crap.
awesomeamandas 37
Couldn't think of any better comment in the race to be 1st?
MrsDruidess 23
got to be smarter than the 1 year old! It's called baby proofing the house, most people have that done by the time the baby can crawl, you're a little late to the game, but catching on fast ;-)
vegetaftw 28
At least she knows how to wash her face.
Redoxx_fml 22
The wrong way
EpicJman2828 11
17, not the wrong way just against accepted tradition. Toilet water isnt contaminated until after duty calls.
plum_lovin 28
My suggestion would be to put a clean bowl of water just for her. Of course you're going to have to eventually teach her to do it in the sink but until she gets a bit older (which I'm sure she'll find another interest soon anyway) it's not a horrible disgusting thing, it's just something that she finds funny. Besides, I've seen kids do way worse.
JMichael 25
Smart kid you got there
leonchen7498 12
put the toilet out of reach? :D nah just teach her that its very dirty to do that, imagine if she'd still do that if shes a teenager...
nnnope 26
please don't breed.
thrifting 18
Brb while I uproot my whole toilet system and put it on a shelf.
KillSwitch96 18
#4 If you had left the last part of your comment out about her still doing it as a teenager, then you probably wouldn't have been down voted. Next time think about how people will react to all parts of your comment before you hit the validate button.
Nanall 15
Just have a talk with her, if she does it again explain to her that there will be consequences. Tell her that only the sink, and bathtub, etc are acceptable.
shutupmichaela 18
she's 1, dude.
Enslaved 36
Normally a one year old can understand the word "No!" There's nothing wrong with explaining to a young child what #5 said to do. The baby will (hopefully) understand sooner than you know it.(:
TwistedCherub1 15
She is advanced if she can turn doorknobs already, unless she's almost two (this is why we use months instead of years at that age--so much development in a short time). Time to get the covers you have to squeeze super hard to turn the knob so she can't run a muck.
Palirose 22
16, just because a child is 1 years old doesn't mean you don't explain to them. When my niece was doing similar things. I calmly explained to her why she can't. For the most part at almost 2 she doesn't do them. You have to stay on them and constantly explain to them why they can't but honestly it's worth it. :) not saying all children will listen but I think being calm and explaining to them in a way to help them understand is better than how I have seen some people teaching their kids. i.e. Yelling, hitting, getting frustrated.
rdenkewicz 11
She's 1. Do you really think she can converse?
queerdragon 20
Why not get the kid a kiddy pool to play in? Or get her into swimming lessons. Telling her no and preventing her from doing it outside of a pool will also help.
AKAR2521 4
one year olds may understand what the adult is saying but will do it again, they wont stop right away to avoid 'consequences'. obviously you dont have kids
akaiberry 15
Sounds like she's been spending a bit too much time with your dog!! Maybe put in a child proof handle for your bathroom door?
BeccaHugs 17
Or put a bowl of water from the sink on the floor for her to play with. That way at least you know it's clean. This is probably a habit she will grow out of within a month or two anyways.
pam241 15
I suggest you put the dog bowl back within her reach or let her have her own bowl in the bathroom so that she can play in it.
mFUNdo21 17
and if she drowns? you know you can drown in a teaspoon of water, right...
DocBastard 38
Mfundo - You're propagating an urban legend. It is NOT possible to drown in a teaspoon of water. Go look up "drowning" and the rethink the possibility of that happening with 5cc of water. Even if the water is aspirated, the cough reflex will kick in before any damage is done.
tiernang 21
Listen to the doctor
The_Paladin 16
it's 2 inches of standing water and the person would have to be face down and unable to lift their head out of it. not a teaspoon...
SoulHunter36 16
I guess the best thing you can do is to put something on the toilet lid to clamp it down when you're not using it.
Sinistra_Blue 12
She's being raised by the dogs. I'd be slightly concerned if she starts barking...
Welshite 39
I actually had a young cousin do this. Her parents thought it was hilarious when she barked, crawled around on all fours, scratched and licked herself like a dog, and bit people. Despite the family trying to reason with her and her parents, she acted like this until she was five or six.
Sinistra_Blue 12
I was always more of a foxy child myself.
Zimmington 21
When I was maybe 1-5 I would put my cereal bowl next to my dogs bowl & eat like him
zawesomee 14
Take a shit in the toilet in front of her, I'm sure she'll take the hint.
happle 21
Toddlers don't usually have a concept of disgust.
BeccaHugs 17
"Take a shit in the toilet in front of her" What the **** is wrong with you? This is seriously one of the worst comments I've ever seen.