Today, I met my father for the first time since I was a baby. The first comment out of his mouth was, "I bet all the boys love those motherfucking bazongas, don't they?" Hi, Dad. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend met my dad for the first time. The first thing he said to him was, "You're an idiot for dating my daughter." FML
Today, I brought a boy home for the first time, only to have my dad ask him what his mother's maiden name was. When he answered, my dad exclaimed, "Oh yeah! I think I dated her in high school. I could be your father!" FML
Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time to meet my parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "Son, I want you to suck upon my nipples of knowledge." FML
Today, my mother took me to go and see my grandfather, who I hadn't seen since I was 4. The first thing he said to me was, "Pfwoarr, look at those tits." FML
Today, I was with my dad at the supermarket and this guy was checking me out. My dad yells at him with a grin, "I know! I make beautiful babies!" FML
Today, my father made his bellybutton talk. In front of my new boyfriend. FML
Today, I talked to my boyfriend's dad for the first time. One of the first things that he said to me was, "So, I hear you're a screamer." FML
Today, I finally let my parents meet a boyfriend of mine for the first time ever. My dad mentioned how he was happy to finally meet him, because for the past 4 years he'd thought I was gay. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. His shirt said "D.A.D.D, Dads Against Daughters Dating, shoot the first one and word will spread". FML
Today, I met my paternal grandfather for the first time. I’ve spent the last three months tracking him down. I poured my heart out and told about how much this meant to me. He told me I had a nice rack and asked for a cigarette. FML
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Top comments
wrgfml 0
Sorry he was such a jerk. He was probably real nervous and blurted. At least that'sy hope. Congrats on the bazongas.
bummervacation 10
I think you were better off without that asshole.
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Comments (132)
musiclove1213 0
can i meet your father?
QueenOfBoredom 0
haha everyone says he's creepy but that's my kind of humor so I just think that's hilarious
gtrgdss 0
omg don't you realize your dad is the most prolific literary genius since Shakespeare??? :/
akaashR 0
he's got a sense of humor. 10x better than 90% of parents already
claiiire_fml 17
Freudian slip up?
whacko150 0
what pisses me off is that was totally not deserved an yet over 2000 people clicked deserved. **** them
ThePiegonMonkey 4
Your dad is a Boss.
X_o_X_ocutie 0
try to avoid him
Blondiebee88 0
well now you know that you really didn't miss out on much of a dad!
OHnathanIO 4
What a pig. Props for the nice rack though ;) lol