Today, I opened my front door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I stepped into a pile of dog shit on my doorstep, along with a note saying, "Keep your dog out of my yard." I don't own a dog. FML
Today, coming home, I discovered that my dog had left me a beautiful mound of poop in the middle of the corridor. He'd made an effort, though: there was a roll of shredded toilet paper next to it. FML
Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML
Today, I put out a fire. Sadly, it was on my doorstep because someone had lit a bag of dog poop. FML
Today, today while walking my dog in a different part of town, a man ran screaming out of his house, and threw a plastic bag at me. It was dog poop. It was the first time I'd ever walked in front of his house with my dog. FML
Today, I saw a kid taking a dump next to my lawn. The good news: his mother picked up the poop to discard it. The bad news: she put it in my mailbox. I now have a pile of smelly brownish tissue-wrapped goo baking under the hot sun inside my mailbox. FML
Today, I got home from a long day of work and saw a pile of dog puke on the kitchen floor. I went to get paper towels and found a pile of dog shit. With my foot. Both of my kids were home all day and left the piles for me to clean because "that's gross". FML
Today, I stepped in a pile of dog shit. While trying to get it off by wiping my foot on the grass, I stepped in another pile. FML
Today, I heard noises outside my front door. I looked out through the window, only to see my boyfriend encouraging his dog to take a dump on my welcome mat. FML
Today, I stepped in dog shit, barefoot, in my own bathroom. The dog had been outside for two hours earlier, and I'd watched him take a dump. Apparently he was saving some for when he got back in the house. FML
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Top comments
aKaClickZ 4
At least it wasn't lit on fire
sniken 14
I doubt the dog did it all by herself...
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Comments (111)
tj5810 21
You should stop telling the 14 year old boy down the road that they're bird eggs. His parents are out for revenge.
Grimnirwher9 21
I see what you did there!
Elliestorm 8
Lol
randomness247 4
Well, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade! But.... It gave you shit. So idk.
iloveshim 14
They couldn't have come up with something original so they took a cue from South Park?
xgetxbentx 13
Perhaps tape a note to your door saying something like the following: "Dear person who left dog shit by my door, I think you may have the wrong house because I am unaware of what I may have done or to who. If you are certain I'm the correct person, please feel free to contact me so we can discuss the issue like adults. Sincerely, *your name here*"
Reddress 1
Hang a plaque with your last name or last initial on your door so they will realize whoever they are mad at doesn't live there.
fabulousal 1
Ha. Jokes on them. They're the ones handling dog shit.
TheKingOfHearts 19
Maybe if you hadn't pissed somebody off, that shit would not be there! YDI