Today, I opened my front door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I stepped into a pile of dog shit on my doorstep, along with a note saying, "Keep your dog out of my yard." I don't own a dog. FML
Today, coming home, I discovered that my dog had left me a beautiful mound of poop in the middle of the corridor. He'd made an effort, though: there was a roll of shredded toilet paper next to it. FML
Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML
Today, I put out a fire. Sadly, it was on my doorstep because someone had lit a bag of dog poop. FML
Today, today while walking my dog in a different part of town, a man ran screaming out of his house, and threw a plastic bag at me. It was dog poop. It was the first time I'd ever walked in front of his house with my dog. FML
Today, I saw a kid taking a dump next to my lawn. The good news: his mother picked up the poop to discard it. The bad news: she put it in my mailbox. I now have a pile of smelly brownish tissue-wrapped goo baking under the hot sun inside my mailbox. FML
Today, I got home from a long day of work and saw a pile of dog puke on the kitchen floor. I went to get paper towels and found a pile of dog shit. With my foot. Both of my kids were home all day and left the piles for me to clean because "that's gross". FML
Today, I stepped in a pile of dog shit. While trying to get it off by wiping my foot on the grass, I stepped in another pile. FML
Today, I heard noises outside my front door. I looked out through the window, only to see my boyfriend encouraging his dog to take a dump on my welcome mat. FML
Today, I stepped in dog shit, barefoot, in my own bathroom. The dog had been outside for two hours earlier, and I'd watched him take a dump. Apparently he was saving some for when he got back in the house. FML
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Top comments
aKaClickZ 4
At least it wasn't lit on fire
sniken 14
I doubt the dog did it all by herself...
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Comments (111)
savannahfml 5
Lol
robo_thunder 13
My first thought was that you're one of those owners who don't pick up after their dogs and someone was just returning it to you.
beehardxcore 26
Leave your own shit on the doorstep with a note saying "I don't know who you are, or what you want, but there's plenty more where this came from." :]
WaywardDaughter 26
Why would OP leave their own shit on their own doorstep? What purpose does that serve?
Gestpacho88 12
Anyone else picture Liam Neeson saying this while on the telephone?...
beehardxcore 26
Facetiously, as a message to the instigator, who would probably return, since OP doesn't know why said person is so angry. But good job for thinking so literally! The world needs more close minded thinkers like you!
babeababe 16
Did you let your dog poop on someone's lawn, and not pick it up?
Axipiter 24
If so, they probably would have found the bag of poop tied to a brick that came through their window. At least, I would hope.
Kallian_fml 21
60- Why contain the poop in a bag? I'd throw the brick first, then fling the poo through the whole in the window. That way you get to hear that satisfying splat.
Kallian_fml 21
*hole. Damn, how did I miss that before?
BostonBear 33
I hate when people do that!
xoky720 6
Can I just say how much I love your name? Lol
Axipiter 24
No, you cannot. But since you have already, there was really no point in asking now, was there?
khaya 9
This is why you should never steal from orphans, they are friends with all the stray animals.
FlyingPie 17
You have been taken craptive.
jameelah 0
Wow just wow
Feelsgood 11
that just sucks but at least it wasn't on fire haha
buckdharma 37
Why did this guy tape the letter to the ground when he has a perfectly good pile of dog shit for a paper weight?