Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
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College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML
Today, I was peacefully using the toilet when I heard a familiar crunching sound behind me. After shooting up and frantically looking around, I hesitantly closed the toilet lid - just in time to see a black cockroach slip into a crevice of the toilet. The thing was close enough to go up my butt. FML
Today, I thought it was a good idea to flush the stink bug I found in my kitchen. Later I went in the bathroom to take a crap, and next thing I know, I feel a stink bug on my privates. I guess it didn't flush after all. FML
Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML
Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, I woke up, showered, and began brushing my teeth. When I started to brush my tongue I gagged, like usual, and threw up a little. What's unusual? I threw up a cockroach. FML
Today, I thought I felt something itch my butt as I sat down on the toilet. Sure it was just my imagination, I did my business. When I was done I saw there were 4 cockroaches crawling under the seat. FML
Today, I was dumping some old milk in the sink and noticed it wasn't going down. Assuming food was clogging the drain, I stuck my hand down in it to remove the food. I removed a blueberry and half a cockroach. FML
Today, I wasn't feeling well at work. While I was in the bathroom losing my lunch, a very large piece of food came up. The resulting splash of toilet water went straight up into my mouth. FML
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Top comments
SSJ5Goku 0
...Which would you prefer?
TripleJumpMan 0
what the hell
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Comments (153)
jluperrizzle 0
OOOOH MY GODDD THAT IS SOOO GROSSS I just got shivers so bad, lmao watch what you eat, there bud
wellinever 5
You're worried that a cockroach was in the bowl watching you take a dump? I doubt it was turned on by the experience.
ozymandias_fml 0
YDi for being such a flithy freaking slob that you have cockroaches.
ikealove 0
im guessing it got there after since it wouldn't be able to survive your stomach acids.
TheRedPhantom 0
you are my hero
bostrom 0
Op you have yourself a peeping roach infestation!!!! Dun dun dun!!! :]
melonsmasherrr 0
I think it was there after...
fixxxers01_fml 0
to the disbelievers, it could be possible that the roach was larval and protected in meat. it was obviously bad food from the night before so it didnt spend much time in the stomache, grew in the intestines and was shat lookin like a roach....just sayin.
chocolaholic 0
Today, I got stuck in some human crap. FML
88sforlife 0
F The Opz life For Thinkin Tht Sh Ate It And It Still Live