Today, I was telling my cousin about my boyfriend, who plays... - FML

By kikinemo - United States

Today, I was telling my cousin about my boyfriend, who plays guitar and sings very well, has dark hair, and wears girl pants. After telling her these things, she's quiet for a moment before she looks at me and says, "So... You're dating a Jonas brother?" FML

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The View

Grow up

Not now, mom, I'm in pain

By Ouch - United States

Today, I was very sick and kept throwing up. I took a shower after every time I threw up. While in the shower after I threw up, I had to throw up again, so I got out and ran to the toilet. I slipped on the tile, broke my nose on the floor, and then threw up. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was playing with my four year old cousin. He had a toy whale and said, "Shark!" I corrected him and told him it was a whale. He picked it up, threw it at my face, and yelled, "SHAAARK!" FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was locked out of my house. As I was about to knock on the window to ask my girlfriend to let me in, I saw her on the sofa, digging a huge booger out of her nose and eating it. FML

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By MandyPanda - United States

Today, I went to a theme party where everyone wore white shirts and brought markers to draw on them. I didn't know many people there but I still went around drawing on people's shirts. After a few hours, someone finally drew on my shirt. They wrote "I'm scary." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my boss held a meeting to talk about how we can't overlook others and no one should pick favorites. I walked out unemployed when I pointed out that she completely ignored the person who made the biggest sale in company history and constantly gave her son raises for mediocre work. FML

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By rummaging - United States - Bloomington

Today, my boyfriend found the box of photos I've been saving for my daughter. He was convinced I was pining over her father and emptied the box into the dumpster behind our apartment. I'm still not done digging through the garbage to find the photos from the day my daughter was born. FML

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By Charles - United States

Today, I was sitting at the computer browsing various websites. In my attempt to scoot the chair forward, I hit my knee against the desk that my computer was on, and ended up breaking it. I literally broke my knee sitting on my ass. FML

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By panos016 - United Kingdom

Today, after 14 rice-filled days in China, I came back home. What's for lunch? Rice. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my son got really high and shaved the dog with my electric shaver. Not only does the dog look really bad, I didn't know my son used drugs. I now have to buy the dog a sweater and get my son some help. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my fiancé accidentally ran over the priest who is supposed to be marrying us in 3 days. Now, not only do we need a new priest, we need a new church to get married in, with only 3 days to find them. FML

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By anonymous

Today, I ended up in an awkward position during sex and dislocated my knee. My wife accused me of doing it on purpose to criticize her for being too fat and heavy for sex. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky. He pulled off my panties and was about to go down on me when he said, "Wait, what's this white thing?" It was a piece of toilet paper. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend told me she was bored. During sex. FML

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By Oops - Australia - Belmore

Today, my very quiet and sexually innocent boyfriend said, "I want to be inside you." I was so startled that all I could reply was, "Oh, thanks." FML

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By A.J. - United States

Today, I had a dentist appointment in which a nurse numbed my mouth. After coming home, I took a nap in which I unknowing bit through my top lip. I physically can't speak. FML

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By blinded - United States

Today, my little brother learned that breaking a glow stick and emptying it into someone's eyes does not help them see in the dark. It's a good lesson, I just wish he hadn't used my eyes to learn it. The doctor says the burning feeling should go away in 3 or 4 days. FML

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By Chad - 6/9/2020 13:59 - United States - Norfolk

Medicare for all

Today, I had to have emergency work done on my teeth after I seized in the shower and smashed my face into the tub. Apparently, the dental insurance I'd been paying for but had never used ended its coverage 4 days ago, because my job was no longer working with them. FML

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By Eleanor - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I tripped and fell on my open dishwasher, right onto a carving knife. I'm mostly ok, except that my nipple has been sliced neatly in half. Seriously, the two halves keep flapping open like a little mouth. It would be funnier if it wasn't so painful. FML

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By Username

Today, I saw a firework show. In my kitchen. When my stove blew up. FML

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By ohgodwhy

Today, me, my boyfriend and his family stayed at an AirBnB while on a trip. While I was doing my makeup, my boyfriend told me he was going to take a shower. A few minutes later, I went in the bathroom to shave my legs thinking my boyfriend was in there, but his dad was in the shower, scrubbing his ass. FML

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By foreveralone - United States - Sherman

Today, I was talking to my best friend's brother after we drunkenly hooked up last night. I've had a crush on him for over a year. He ended up interrupting himself and said, "Please don't tell anyone about this. I don't want anyone to think we're dating or anything." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I seemingly decided not to remove my foot from the pedal-clip of my bicycle until I had properly introduced myself to the cement. FML

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By blinkme - United States

Today, I was at a concert and the guy who was selling the drinks tripped and fell down the stairs, landing on the floor next to me and the drinks went all over. I went to make sure he was okay and helped pick up the drinks. After assuring me he was okay, he gave me a free soda. It exploded. FML

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By FoxyManicLiar - France

Today, I got a bad cut on my dominant hand while at work. My boss decided to order me to juice lemons... all 300 of them. FML

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By Nicholas Laughton

Today, I saw the girl I've been crushing hard on. I go up to talk to her, and I'm immediately greeted by, "I like girls." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it's my 17th birthday. The only person who remembered was the creepy guy in my English class who keeps trying to smell my hair. FML

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By youngboob - United States - Topeka

Today, after my dad trying every bait, hormone, and poison, the cockroaches in this apartment have gone crazy. They are trying to kill themselves. One tried to commit suicide, by suffocation, in my mouth this morning. FML

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By Anonymous - Germany - W?rzburg

Today, my mother kicked me out of the house because her new boyfriend needs my room. Evidently he also needs my credit card, passport, and wallet too, because she kept all three, while tossing everything else out on the lawn. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at my summer babysitting job. The family's dog puked on the carpet and I proceeded to clean it up with baking soda and a mix of water/vinegar. Instead of blending in with the other areas of the carpet, the one spot I cleaned is white while the other areas are still darkened by filth. FML

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By Miguel Ezpeleta - 29/5/2020 05:00

Never get involved

Today, I was working for my cousin. However, two weeks ago I found out my cousin's wife was cheating on him, through lying to her best friend. I told him, and he later told her. They've apparently made up, because I got fired. FML

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By mustachioed - United States

Today, I tried to bleach my upper lip hair. I now have a bright red mustache. FML

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By "Forevor_a_potato"

Today, I have to reschedule the vacation I had planned for eight months because I have the flu, and feel too sick to go and enjoy myself at a waterpark. This vacation is the only thing that's kept me sane these last two months. FML

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By Anonymous - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, I was feeling adventurous and decided to freeball it to school. As I went to sit down during first class, I managed to sit on my own balls, scream, then collapse on the floor gasping. My teacher thought I was screwing around and gave me detention. FML

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By Lexi - France

Today, after telling my best friend an idiot could make Kraft Dinner, I spilled boiling water all over my hands and forearms while attempting to strain the noodles. FML

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By Cleo - Brunei Darussalam

Today, I found out that my colleagues don't add me on Facebook so that they can publicly put me down in their statuses, without me knowing. My boss liked the one which said that I talk too much. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Crossville

Today, while working the drive-thru at work, an older woman asked for my phone number to give to her single son. After I politely declined, she called me a slut and threw her food at me through the window before promptly speeding off. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on Craigslist looking for a new guitar. I found the diamond earrings and necklace set I gave to my girlfriend last year. She wants 50 bucks for them. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I had to explain to my 18-year-old daughter why she can't pull a duck face pose for her driver's license. She still doesn't believe me. FML

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By Mikey - United States

Today, I finally got cleared after my knee surgery and wanted to go salsa dancing with a girl I liked. So we went and I thought I would show off a little bit and try to dip her and kiss her. Turns out my knee isn't strong enough and now she won't talk to me after dropping her on the floor. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my soon to be ex-wife told her friends that we're getting a divorce because I'm physically abusive. I guess that sounded better than the truth: that she waited 8 months into her pregnancy to tell me that the child probably isn't even mine. FML

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Top comments

By silentfog | 0

#778658 - Sunday 17 January 2010 1:10

your cousin ftw

By shadow455 | 2

#779419 - Sunday 17 January 2010 10:44

but isnt that what were all aiming for to get in girls pants

COMMENTS

By silentfog | 0

#778658 - Sunday 17 January 2010 1:10

your cousin ftw

Reply

mysterystar | 0

#778771 - Sunday 17 January 2010 1:39

... EMO FTW .
So what if he wears skinny jeans, I wear them too .
Why do people make a big deal about it?. Not everyone wears their clothes the same as you so stfu because not everyone has to wear/like stuff the way you do .
-Aniketos wuz here .
(HeartBreaker) .

Reply

cmp2_fml | 0

#778817 - Sunday 17 January 2010 1:54

hahahaha from a guy named mysterystar .......someones trying to come out of the closet!

Reply

loto_fml | 3

#779114 - Sunday 17 January 2010 5:49

What if you don't want to be a girl, but a cross-dresser?

Reply

Freeze_fml | 16

#779403 - Sunday 17 January 2010 10:34

Girl pants on boy.

DO NOT WANT.

Reply

shadow455 | 2

#779419 - Sunday 17 January 2010 10:44

but isnt that what were all aiming for to get in girls pants

Reply

Firefighter343 | 0

#780056 - Sunday 17 January 2010 18:15

Skinny jeans does funny things to your testicles boys and girls.

By anonymous45610 | 0

#778668 - Sunday 17 January 2010 1:13

that's so funny!!!

By coolcat33 | 0

#778670 - Sunday 17 January 2010 1:13

your an idiot. guys who where girls pants are fags.!!

By SHAAAAAARK | 1

#778672 - Sunday 17 January 2010 1:13

YDI for dating a fag.

By Rheos | 0

#778673 - Sunday 17 January 2010 1:14

A guy, that wears girl pants... Are you sure he's not gay? Rofl YDI

Reply

dnlphm94 | 0

#778991 - Sunday 17 January 2010 3:43

For some reason, a lot of girls at my school are attracted to guys who wear skinny jeans. It's actually quite depressing >_>

Reply

Klu_Klayu | 0

#779871 - Sunday 17 January 2010 16:24

Again, agreeing with earlier comments, there is a difference between "skinny jeans" and "girl pants" they do make skinny jeans for boys

By thelifeline | 0

#778677 - Sunday 17 January 2010 1:15

well guys where i live wear girl pants too, there tighter. whatever. And this could so be an mlia.

Reply

janise | 2

#779190 - Sunday 17 January 2010 7:04

It does make it tighter but it also emphasizes the fact that most guys who wear skinny jeans are lacking in certain departments.

Reply

CanYouDecodeMe | 0

#779723 - Sunday 17 January 2010 14:52

I thought this was more of a MLIA too.

By YoungE | 0

#778680 - Sunday 17 January 2010 1:15

this is an fml b/c.....?

Reply

warriormg12 | 4

#778691 - Sunday 17 January 2010 1:17

because she just found out shes dating a fag

Reply

iEmmiChan | 0

#778848 - Sunday 17 January 2010 2:12

cause who wants their boyfriend to look like a Jonas Brother ewwww xD

Reply

AliceStrange | 0

#778969 - Sunday 17 January 2010 3:22

Because her life is, like, totally over now.

By Crickets | 0

#778681 - Sunday 17 January 2010 1:15

How is this an fml?

By MoonyIce | 0

#778682 - Sunday 17 January 2010 1:15

Oh noes, FYL.

How the hell does this inane crap get through?

By Pendygod | 0

#778695 - Sunday 17 January 2010 1:18

Epic win........