Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML
Today, I was peacefully using the toilet when I heard a familiar crunching sound behind me. After shooting up and frantically looking around, I hesitantly closed the toilet lid - just in time to see a black cockroach slip into a crevice of the toilet. The thing was close enough to go up my butt. FML
Today, I thought it was a good idea to flush the stink bug I found in my kitchen. Later I went in the bathroom to take a crap, and next thing I know, I feel a stink bug on my privates. I guess it didn't flush after all. FML
Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML
Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, I woke up, showered, and began brushing my teeth. When I started to brush my tongue I gagged, like usual, and threw up a little. What's unusual? I threw up a cockroach. FML
Today, I thought I felt something itch my butt as I sat down on the toilet. Sure it was just my imagination, I did my business. When I was done I saw there were 4 cockroaches crawling under the seat. FML
Today, I was dumping some old milk in the sink and noticed it wasn't going down. Assuming food was clogging the drain, I stuck my hand down in it to remove the food. I removed a blueberry and half a cockroach. FML
Today, I wasn't feeling well at work. While I was in the bathroom losing my lunch, a very large piece of food came up. The resulting splash of toilet water went straight up into my mouth. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
SSJ5Goku 0
...Which would you prefer?
TripleJumpMan 0
what the hell
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (153)
gigi2009 0
there's no way it would have survived your dietary tract. agree with #85
johncow123 0
tho they can survive without their head for a week and survive the aftermath of a nuke
damnrosi 0
I never thought I would ever feel bad for a cockroach... poor thing!
anela_fml 0
ohhhh man that makes me sick to think bout lol
RetroKid 0
lmaoo be careful with what you eat!
sweetartlp 0
dude that's nasty
dethmaul 0
Does everybody seriously think she seriously thought she crapped it? She was trying to convey how shitty the food was. I hate roaches. My house is clean but I'll randomly run into a fully-grown one every few weeks. I used to live in a shitty shanty and one must have stowed away in one of my boxes, because the guy I bought the house from was a clean freak. Plus they can come in through my doggy door from the garage. There's a bigass gap from the car-door to the jamb. This is the MOST hilariously-worded FML I have ever read! You rule.
slag_ 0
think about it be lucky u weren't the roach or else it would've been raining shit
3rw0n 0
lmao! this fml is gross and funnny hahahha
shehatesu 0
to #97: for every one roach that you see, there are about 20 more hiding
joshizzle3 1
WOW catching up on FML while taking a dump... this was not pleasant to read.