Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML
Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came before I even got in her mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided to try swallowing instead of spitting. Now this was entirely her own idea, I never asked her to try, and yet when she gagged, vomited, and sneezed so it all came dribbling out of her nose, somehow it was all my fault because I’m "disgusting." I love you too, Sweetie. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me head. When I came, she was scared of the "stuff" that came out. FML
Today, I made my new girlfriend orgasm for the first time. All she said after was "I drooled a little". FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a blowjob. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "What's that thing at the back of your throat called?" FML
Today, my girlfriend went down on me for the first time. Just as I was reaching climax, my brother raced into the bathroom right next to my door and began to vomit extremely loudly. FML
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Top comments
Cyker 6
Well that's a mouthful.
sohigh10 34
Hell of a first experience:|
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Comments (178)
blobbertthethird 24
This is why things should be discussed beforehand. If a woman (or man) wants cum in their mouth, fine. But they shouldn't be made to feel bad if they don't. If they do, spitting or swallowing should be their choice. ******** are fun, but can also be a pain. Some people don't like the taste, warmth, texture, what-have-you. But whether or not the cum gets into the ******* receiver's mouth should be up to him.
MGKirby 5
you didn't ask for her to swallow so that's all her choice. all these people saying yo,u should be able to take it like she was going to.. it was her choice to look like she was going to swallow it.
greeneyedx 23
Okay, that girlfriend is nasty and so immature. If it was a new girlfriend I'd reconsider the relationship. It's funny, because this makes me think of something my boyfriend wants to do. He won't kiss me after I go down on him and swallow, but he wants me to try tasting my own self. Frankly, I think it's extremely hypocritical of him because when I said "are you gonna taste yourself after too?" He told me "it's different." When really, it's not. Not related to this FML, but why not share!
WOTAN1488 24
What a bitch.
SJean88 7
You should always taste yourself anyways. Don't expect others to if you're not willing yourself.
worthypegram1 13
That's hilarious
jbtheone_fml 5
Sounds like she didn't like that donkey punch.
keyofdestiny13 24
When I first gave a ******* to the guy I like, I surprised him by swallowing (it's apparently uncommon around here), but I didn't think it'd be remotely funny to spit it in his mouth. Although, he also tastes better than most guys, but that's personal preference. OP, I hope you explained to her that that was the farthest thing from being okay.
motoikkyu 13
Not sure if this is such a big deal. Sex can be stressful enough without surprises, but "wake-up surprise sex is the best thing, as long as you're not in prison."
weveallbeenthere 30
your new name is snowball.