Today, I found out that my father faked his whole "mid-life crisis", just so he could gain my trust and get me to admit that I smoke weed, and to tell him who I buy it from. Hello year-long grounding. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad found out I recently tried weed. He called me a useless waste of air and grounded me for the rest of the year. Then he went outside and smoked his third cigarette of the morning. FML
Today, I tried to blackmail my dad by threatening to tell mom about the bong and weed he keeps hidden in the garage. Turns out she already knew about it and neither of them give a shit. Now I'm grounded until the new year. FML
Today, my dad sat me down and angrily accused me of doing drugs, all because he's noticed I've recently become a lot more energetic and emotional than usual. The truth is, I'd been smoking weed daily for 3 years and just decided to never smoke it again 2 weeks ago. FML
Today, my mom found my weed stash and went berserk, grounding me and saying she's going to have my bedroom door removed. Less than an hour later, I found her laughing and smoking the same stash with my dad in the backyard. FML
Today, in a fit of jealousy over my recent muscle growth, my brother told our mom that I've only been going to the gym so I could smoke weed with my friends. She believed him and grounded me. FML
Today, my mom accused me of smoking weed. Truth is, I'd just ripped the quietest and weirdest smelling fart of my life. She wouldn't believe me, accused me of making stupid excuses up, and grounded me. FML
Today, I found out from my ex-stepmother that my dad and lied about having cancer to cover up the fact that he was losing weight from doing drugs again. He lied about it for 5 years. FML
Today, my dad went through all the trouble of sneaking onto my laptop and photoshopping a bong into my Facebook profile picture, apparently just so he could win a €20 bet with my mom, that hinged on her grounding me by December. FML
Today, my parents grounded me for finding their stash of weed. The irony is killing me right now. FML
Today, I found out that I spent a year helping my dad get back into shape, not for his own good health which was what I thought, but so that he could cheat on my mom with five other women. FML
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Top comments
justindrew14 29
well you kind of deserve it for telling him in the first place.
Rad630 13
Smart dad you have there
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Comments (213)
maggiefox 25
I don't feel sorry for you.
vikky538 29
you got a smart witty dad...you better watch out...
kyliecummings 6
Can we talk about "say no to dick"
Wafflestomper 22
He needs to say "no" to more than dick.
thomcmoore 23
A year long grounding is better than a year in prison at least, right?
8born8 18
Depends on the conditions of the grounding, I suppose. Even prisoners get free time.
thomcmoore 23
Really? You'd rather be go to prison than be grounded by your parents?
Z3R0G5 23
Your dad is smart for doing that for that method of finding out.
dimerneckel 22
That's fun
8born8 18
Wow OP, You got suckered in BIG TIME!!! Has he ever had a toke on a spliff or ripped a cone? Somehow, I feel that if he says no, he's lying. I wonder if your dad was old enough for woodstock? Or maybe Lollapallooza or burning man? I would investigate and gather info and any evidence of your papa being recreational, arrange a sit down meeting and discuss openly, no holds barred, all contact he has had with any type of drug, present any evidence and information gathered, his experiences, thoughts and reasoning behind why he felt the need for such an elaborate hoax, instead of treating you like an adult and speaking to you man to man, not parent to child, as it isn't an equal playing field.
Paksenarrion 24
If you live under his roof and you are doing things he doesn't want done you just need to deal with it. Was clever of him to do it that way but at the same time kind of low. Wait until you move out on your own to do those kind of things.
worldclassrager 41
The truth will come out one way or another...don't try to hide jt...
Starzak 18
Lol look at all of you automatically defending weed... Its origins don't matter, its still a drug. Every superhero is a superhero, regardless of how lame their origin story is.