Today, and for the past week, my dog has started barking at my door when I start masturbating. I think my mom is starting to suspect. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mother called me at work, freaking out about my dog, so I panicked. What was wrong? He had a hard-on and she'd never seen that happen before. FML
Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark obnoxiously. He does this all the time so I ignored it and kept going. This went on for about a half hour. When I went downstairs, I found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML
Today, my parents hosted a party at our house. After seeing one of the extremely beautiful guests, I went to masturbate in my room. When I was about to finish, my bedroom door opened suddenly. It was my mom showing around 10 party guests that our dog can open doors. FML
Today, my mom came into my room to have a heart-to-heart talk. My dildo was sitting on the nightstand. I didn't notice until she told me to make sure the dog didn't get it. FML
Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on, for half an hour. FML
Today, my dog carried on with his recent habit of trying to hump me. When I told my mom, she just joked that he's my new boyfriend. Now my whole family is just calling him my boyfriend. FML
Today, my dog, who has been specially trained to go for help when I'm having a seizure, went to alert my parents downstairs that I was having an emergency. The "emergency" was me masturbating. FML
Today, my dog is much too fond of barking at me loudly and at length for no reason. So is my girlfriend. FML
Today, my mother texted me while I was at work asking me to pick up a door-stopper on my way home. When I asked her why she explained that she and my dad were trying to make love but the dog kept pushing the door open. What an image. FML
Today, I was talking to my mother when we both heard a continuous buzzing noise. Unable to locate the source of the noise we gave up. About an hour later, my mother yells down the stairs to me. Turns out my dog stole my vibrator, chewed it and presented it to my mother. FML
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Top comments
ImmaEatYouXx 10
That's a weird sixth sense for a dog to have...
Loserhero 17
Your dog has turned on you
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Comments (129)
wopchop12 8
Give your dog a big treat or something to distract him before you **********. That's what I do at least. And also, don't do it when your mom is home, less chance of getting caught
W_Surgenor 7
So....how does the dog know when you do it?
chosha_fml 27
Sounds like that's your mother's dog, not yours. :)
frizz101 22
How about not doing the "deed" when people are home?
mikbrooke 25
i've only ever heard 'the deed' be related to sexual intercourse, not masturbating. and if its in private, i dont see why he cant do it when others are home, if he is being quiet. the dog is just causing issues.
Dcm210 19
Us there a funny smell when you do that?
StickyPickles 33
Old mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her poor doggy a bone, when she bent over ol'rover drove her, he had a bone of his own. . Not really relative but it's there
Thunderlaxus 10
Do you ********** often enough to make this conspicious...?
142_cats 13
He just wants a bone.
more4me 27
Fappy Dog ?!! That's hilarious! but a little misleading, no ? ;)
ilovemyfamily93 11
I miss the old fml where sarcasm ruled and real life answers didn't matter.. :(