Dogs, Wanker and Intimacy: Sixth sense - FML

Sixth sense

By fappy dog - 23/01/2014 21:06 - United States - Granite City

Spicy

Today, and for the past week, my dog has started barking at my door when I start masturbating. I think my mom is starting to suspect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 603

You deserved it 11 273

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Same thing different taste

By what-the-what - 29/10/2017 13:00 - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, my mother called me at work, freaking out about my dog, so I panicked. What was wrong? He had a hard-on and she'd never seen that happen before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 773

You deserved it 298

By trainE - 30/03/2009 02:08 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark obnoxiously. He does this all the time so I ignored it and kept going. This went on for about a half hour. When I went downstairs, I found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 341

You deserved it 94 567

By Jeremy - 10/05/2009 01:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, my parents hosted a party at our house. After seeing one of the extremely beautiful guests, I went to masturbate in my room. When I was about to finish, my bedroom door opened suddenly. It was my mom showing around 10 party guests that our dog can open doors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 290

You deserved it 87 236

By BrokenVow - 30/07/2009 12:02 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my mom came into my room to have a heart-to-heart talk. My dildo was sitting on the nightstand. I didn't notice until she told me to make sure the dog didn't get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 974

You deserved it 53 784

By aXel - 13/10/2008 08:29

Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on, for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 730

You deserved it 8 310

By thewhompingwillow - 01/09/2012 17:56 - United States - Springfield

Spicy

Today, my dog, who has been specially trained to go for help when I'm having a seizure, went to alert my parents downstairs that I was having an emergency. The "emergency" was me masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 856

You deserved it 11 944

Bitches, amirite?

By Sergeant Bri - 16/07/2023 09:00 - United States - Norwood

Today, my dog is much too fond of barking at me loudly and at length for no reason. So is my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 594

You deserved it 279

TMI

By Grossedouttt - 04/07/2009 04:18 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mother texted me while I was at work asking me to pick up a door-stopper on my way home. When I asked her why she explained that she and my dad were trying to make love but the dog kept pushing the door open. What an image. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 467

You deserved it 3 716

By Anonymous - 28/11/2016 06:34

Today, I was talking to my mother when we both heard a continuous buzzing noise. Unable to locate the source of the noise we gave up. About an hour later, my mother yells down the stairs to me. Turns out my dog stole my vibrator, chewed it and presented it to my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 394

You deserved it 1 581

What are you doing?

By puppylove - 03/08/2019 16:00 - Philippines

Today, my mom caught me absentmindedly staring at my puppy's butthole. She'd also been standing there for 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 554

You deserved it 1 973

Next

Top comments

ImmaEatYouXx 10

Thursday 23 January 2014 23:24

That's a weird sixth sense for a dog to have...

Loserhero 17

Thursday 23 January 2014 23:23

Your dog has turned on you

Comments

mosquito19 14

Friday 24 January 2014 22:20

go in the shower, the smell in your room must be disgusting. your mom knows because you're stinking up the place. you think she don't know what jiz smells like?

TheWetNugget 11

Saturday 25 January 2014 3:54

He wants ur bone

Tannasgh 22

Sunday 26 January 2014 18:28

Give your dog a snack Then put him out back Before you go and whack

ThunderTheRad 14

Wednesday 29 January 2014 7:27

But... Why would you fap in front of your DOG?

Noughk 10

Tuesday 18 November 2014 19:59

sorry, but your mom already knows.

JupiterPainon 17

Saturday 2 May 2015 3:56

He probably just wants some fish

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I agree, your life sucks 1

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Today, I found out that my toxic mother-in-law's retirement plans include moving in with us when she gets old. The death glares I’m getting from my wife right now are so worth the satisfaction I got from telling that evil old bat I’d burn the house down first before I let her move into it with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 612

You deserved it 87

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Today, whilst on the toilet at the mall, I took my new designer sandals off as my feet were blistered. Not even a second later, a hand reached out from under the stall, grabbed my sandals and disappeared. I had to walk home a mile barefoot. In the burning heat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 205

You deserved it 1 616

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I agree, your life sucks 48 853

You deserved it 4 894

Today, I was coaching at a swim meet. I heard a few of my swimmers screaming about a huge wasp on my head, so I told everyone to stay calm because we didn't want to upset the wasp. Unfortunately, I was interrupted by another coach from our team hitting me repeatedly on the head with a clipboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 424

You deserved it 3 080

Today, my love life is so pathetic that when I got a sample of cologne in the mail, I kept sniffing it just to remind myself what a guy smells like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 843

You deserved it 3 541

Today, I'm currently being stalked/harassed by my narcissistic ex's new baby mama. She's trying to get me fired from my new job for taking her man, when in reality I want nothing to do with him. The fact that she has taken my baby's name and named their daughter it, is freaking me out. She has people find me everywhere I go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 029

You deserved it 112

Today, I had the privilege of looking into my husband's eyes and uttering one of the sexiest phrases in the English language, "I need a suppository." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 950

You deserved it 255