Today, already knowing that my girlfriend wanted to be "just friends", I invited her over, hoping to change her mind. She was playfully drawing on me with a pen when I noticed she'd written "Emily's property" on my leg. I said "Aw, I'm yours?" She then drew a for-sale sign on me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was about to break up with my psycho girlfriend. As I sat her down, she told me she wanted to show me something. She then took off her shirt to reveal my name tattooed across her chest. FML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said she wanted to stay just friends. Not only did I get denied, apparently we're also "just friends." FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house having dinner with her and her parents. I was casually playing footsie with my girlfriend under the table, until her mom stopped eating and said, "You know that's my foot, right?" FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 years confessed that at first, she'd only dated me to get her friend jealous, and that even now, she "only kind of liked" me. I bought a ring only a few days ago, and was planning on proposing to her. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were at the river. She threw mud on me, so I playfully threw some on her, and we got into a mud fight. Apparently, she took the "fight" seriously, because I'm now single. FML
Today, I drove 4 hours to see my girlfriend of a year, as she had asked me to stay with her for a few days. When I arrived she told me she wanted to be friends as she liked someone else, but wanted me to stay the few days so we could work on being friends. FML
Today, I sent my girlfriend a nice "Good morning" text after I woke up. Then I found a paper note stuck to my bedroom door, in which she broke up with me. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me by putting a Post-it note on my locker that said, "Consider yourself dumped." FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend at her house, and her dad saw us. She decided that she didn't feel like riding along when it was time for her dad to drive me home, and went to bed. I, on the other hand, got to have a 15-minute conversation about the merits of "physical boundaries." FML
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Top comments
Iamnotmyself 17
I bid 20$
JiggaJayZ 16
I bid alcohol, fireworks, and a very large sombrero.
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Comments (338)
ThorneCrossed 9
in this economy, you are getting bought anytime soon
nixter5 18
dude. why have deuce as your pic? he sucks so badly now that HU dumped him. Danny is so much better.
copo37 7
Irrelevant to the post in the first place but no, that is not why Hollywood undead "dumped" him.
ThorneCrossed 9
deuce is way better than Danny will ever be
gmez 0
lmfao!!!
Loserguy139 6
Your "girlfriend" wanted to be "just friends?" What the ****... Just accept that she doesn't want you.
thatguynamedsky 32
right? it's kinda creepy how he worded this
Inspired22 11
That's so mean! It always hurts to be rejected, but there are more tactful ways of doing so!
a_nutritionist 10
theres also more tactful ways of trying to bring a relationship back together.
Nikkitaria 9
looks like she didn't quite change her mind...
shea300 5
that sucks bro , my girlfriend's name is Emily too so I can empathize your situation
dreamering 16
Yeah man. That's an unbelievable coincidence. Ask her if she knows how to draw.
gcox_fml 0
my gfs name is Emily to I feel ya
11Martinez 0
how does that work???
perdix 31
She wants to be your pimp. You're still her property, but she wants to sell you. You'd better give her all the money, bitch, or she'll slap you silly.
stevenmx86 8
That's what you get for dating 8 year olds...
Tektite 14
Aww.. Didn't mean to double post dammit. v_v
Tektite 14
She isn't worth it. You could find someone who actually wants to be with you.. without being a total bitch. You deserve better OP.
Tektite 14
She isn't worth it OP. Time to move on and find someone who cares enough to be with you without having the decency to be a bitch.
spartan522114 0
How do you know? What if she gives op the gift of immortality by her mere presence?