By James

Gordon says you SUCK

Today, my sister was so bored during the lockdown that she let me attempt to cook an omelette without turning the stove on, just so she had something amusing to watch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

707

You deserved it

1237

Favorite

Give it your best shot

Sorry grandma

Great parenting

By tattooapprentice

Today, at my first day of my dream job, I dropped a delicate $700 piece of machinery on the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2734

You deserved it

412

Favorite

By jkass - Australia

Today, I was pulled over by the police. The cop was my ex-boyfriend. He had no legitimate reason to pull me over, so he thoroughly checked my car. He gave me a defect notice and a fine. What for? A broken door lock, on my rear passenger door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36302

You deserved it

4468

Favorite

By bsulyingb - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because "our priorities aren't the same." Her priorities turned out to be getting into my coworker's pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45488

You deserved it

2972

Favorite

By welp - United States - Belton

Today, I was making a homemade pizza for myself. I've been unhappy lately, so I arranged the pepperoni in the shape of a smiley face to cheer myself up. The pizza burned. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26643

You deserved it

3586

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to take our first shower together. When he came into the room, he had swimming trunks on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40177

You deserved it

5612

Favorite

By Oliveisthenewora - United States - Dearborn

Today, I tried a DIY face mask that involved using turmeric spice. After keeping it on for 20 minutes, I tried washing it off, but I couldn't get rid of the orange residue it had left behind. Guess who's going to work tomorrow looking like an Oompa Loompa. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18185

You deserved it

7256

Favorite

By 2for1 - Norway - Sandefjord

Today, after being constipated for four days post-surgery, I have gotten diarrhea. It doesn't actually help getting the hard plug out, but it has found slow passages around it, so I’m still left to my own devices. This is not the kind of gold I’d like to be digging for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1693

You deserved it

139

Favorite

By uninspired - United States

Today, my cheater of an ex-boyfriend sent me one of his many messages proclaiming his new-found love for me, and in the middle of it asked me how my period was going. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27299

You deserved it

2246

Favorite

By wellokthen - United States - Birmingham

Bed move

Today, my friend sent me a link to a porn video. The guy in it was my boyfriend, the girl in it wasn't me, but they were in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4905

You deserved it

256

Favorite

By Ammile

Today I had a customer come into my office smelling like feces, urine and body odor. I tried not to get sick to my stomach but failed miserably. I threw up in my trash can in front of him. It now smells like feces, urine, body odor and vomit in here. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2743

You deserved it

173

Favorite

By armenta427 - United States

Today, I found out that my parents are 28,000 dollars in debt and that my bank account has $27.17 in it. They took my money to help pay their debt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44793

You deserved it

3304

Favorite

By jeed(1) - France - Marseille

Today, at work, I stepped out for a few minutes to use the bathroom. Shortly after returning, I found out the hard way that one of my coworkers had used my computer to send a profanity-filled email to our boss, calling him an asshole and telling him to go fuck himself. I'm now jobless. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49470

You deserved it

5251

Favorite

By BadGirlfriend12 - United States

Today, my boyfriend actually offered me $1000 to break up with him, and to move back to where my family lives 5 hours away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41323

You deserved it

6263

Favorite

By Anonymous

Epitaph

Today, I asked my boyfriend to honestly tell me if I had become overweight. He replied that yes, I had, but that it was OK because I was his "Lumpy Space Princess." FML

I agree, your life sucks

979

You deserved it

1274

Favorite

By sadex

Today, I got the earlier bus to avoid my ex after a painful breakup. He had the same idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37571

You deserved it

4022

Favorite

By verasam01 - United States

Today, I took a picture of myself and put it on Facebook. After I did so, I realized that in the background, you can see my crush's Facebook page up on my laptop. He tagged himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18786

You deserved it

51615

Favorite

By Amy

Adapt, overcome, improvise

Today, I was squeezed through an overly-crowded hallway down to my psychologist's. There, I sat in an overly-crowded waiting room to see him, next to an obese woman and an insane man. I finally entered the smaller-than-a-closet room. My reason for seeing a psychologist? Claustrophobia. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1507

You deserved it

146

Favorite

By kmtranter - United Kingdom - Wembley

Today, I woke up to find my boyfriend using my hand to wank. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51781

You deserved it

10533

Favorite

By Chris - United States

Today, I submitted my application to a restaurant as a server. The manager, who is more than 30 years older than me, said he'd be calling me. He later texted me asking for a date instead of giving me a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30187

You deserved it

2230

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, two women came into my place of work, complaining loudly that they couldn't afford a £3 course fee because they didn't have any money to spend on themselves. They were holding large Starbucks coffees. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23364

You deserved it

1452

Favorite

By NickJJ - Canada - Toronto

Today, I woke up to somebody shaking my shoulder. I had slept over at a friend's house, so I assumed my friend was just fooling around. With my head under the pillow, I swung my hand at his face then gave him the finger. Turns out, my friend left for basketball and I had slept in. It was his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43430

You deserved it

18379

Favorite

By shugette212 - United States

Today, I found the Christmas candy that I'd hidden a year ago. Turns out I wasn't the only living creature who had found it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27060

You deserved it

7649

Favorite

By Anonymous

Out and about

Today, my grandfather found my diary laying in the living room, and for some reason thought it was an interesting reading material. Oh well, he found out that I'm a lesbian, then panicked and basically outed me to my entire family. I really hope they have reservations in Hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1622

You deserved it

628

Favorite

By Christinemh329 - United States

Today, I had to have a word with my boss about how him coming into work drunk is probably not a very good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24672

You deserved it

2500

Favorite

By Bummer - United States

Today, I found my checking and savings account to both read $0.00. My parents transferred all my money to theirs because "I'm irresponsible, and not fit to handle money." I'm a 3.8 college student and have a full-time job. They are currently unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44741

You deserved it

3870

Favorite

By joanikens - United States - Buena Park

Today, I'm a barista at Starbucks. When my crush walked in and asked how much his coffee would cost, I said a date. He said he'd rather pay for the coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24011

You deserved it

6054

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a call from the Hollister manager yelling at me for not showing up for work that night. I was never informed I got the job. I missed my first day of work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68661

You deserved it

5568

Favorite

By chiclet - France

Today, my boyfriend was talking to me on the land line when his cell phone rang. He told me to wait "two seconds" while he talked to a classmate. Their "two second" conversation lasted ten minutes, and now I can hear the French Open on the TV in background. He forgot he was talking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28112

You deserved it

4451

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my sister asked me if I was going to be getting married "for real" this time, because she didn't want to waste her money like she did on my previous engagement. The reason that one didn't work out in the first place is because she slept with my fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51308

You deserved it

2535

Favorite

By "linzi1771" - Canada - Vancouver

Today, in front of my friends, my mom came after me with a pair of tweezers exclaiming "there's just a couple of hairs on your chin that need to be plucked." I'm a 14 year old girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3498

You deserved it

328

Favorite

By Gemma - United Kingdom

Today, my mother thought it would be a good idea to tell me that I was conceived on an airplane toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35607

You deserved it

3060

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I poured my heart out to my girlfriend of two years expressing my feelings for her. She responded with, "I'm going to bed." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28266

You deserved it

3101

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I refused to share a toothbrush with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38729

You deserved it

6258

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to an audition for a play. The casting director thanked me for my time, but told me they would pass because I had "the emotional range of a turnip." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23414

You deserved it

7125

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/5/2021 04:01

Know your worth

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, because I was apparently "too good" for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

804

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Surrey

Thanks

Today, while walking to work with my best friend, he broke down in tears. I asked what was wrong, and he told me his mom passed away last night. All I could think to do was give him a hug and say I was sorry. Then some assclown walking past said "GAAAYYY!" and walked away laughing hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29387

You deserved it

1673

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/2/2021 14:01 - Australia

Thanks, I hate it

Today, I received my first dick pic from my boyfriend. Problem is, we broke up 3 weeks ago and his next message said, "Oops, sorry, wrong person." FML

I agree, your life sucks

950

You deserved it

140

Favorite

By stephhh055 - United States - Portland

Valid reason

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend for the first time, he told me he wanted to break up. He told me my orgasm face wasn't something he could put up with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2319

You deserved it

237

Favorite

By lauz - Australia

Today, I slept for the first time with my boyfriend. I'd always imagined it to be a romantic moment. It turned out that 'Saw 5' was on the TV in the background, and the sex was so fantastically tragic that I ended up watching/listening to it, on the sly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21756

You deserved it

4162

Favorite

By WhatADickens

The early bird gets the worm!

Today, after working on my novel for two years, I found out that another book has recently been published with an almost identical plot. I was going to submit it to a publisher in two days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4692

You deserved it

373

Favorite

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Top comments

By Charlie Given | 23

#7894103 - Wednesday 1 April 2020 17:27

Umm how could you not tell the burner wasn't on 🤦‍♂️🙄

By bl3ur0z3 | 17

#7894602 - Friday 3 April 2020 4:27

You let her let you make a fool of yourself?

COMMENTS

By Charlie Given | 23

#7894103 - Wednesday 1 April 2020 17:27

Umm how could you not tell the burner wasn't on 🤦‍♂️🙄

By RichardPencil | 30

#7894116 - Wednesday 1 April 2020 18:19

Was your character supposed to be thinking the omelette would form, or would you be flummoxed at why you're permanently pushing liquid around?

This could be a great movie -- if do right.

By JackWood | 10

#7894276 - Thursday 2 April 2020 5:19

You're gf must be stupid to be dating a DI like you.

julfunky | 29

#7896464 - Friday 10 April 2020 15:52

Are we in Alabama or something?

By bl3ur0z3 | 17

#7894602 - Friday 3 April 2020 4:27

You let her let you make a fool of yourself?