Love, Kids, Pranks and Parents: Protective

Protective

By Anonymous - 26/12/2012 18:30 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, while at the store with my mom and baby brother, a guy started to talk to me. Just as he went to give me his number, my mom handed me my brother and said, "Here's your son, your AA meeting's in an hour, let's go." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 926

You deserved it 5 409

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Same thing different taste

By sierraisfucked - 02/06/2009 07:55 - United States

Today, I was in Walmart with my mom. I was looking for some CDs I wanted and saw a cute guy. Then he nodded at me and as he started to walk towards me, I hear my name being called over the intercom. Apparently, according to my mom, it was time to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 493

You deserved it 4 199

By MC - 15/08/2011 02:51 - Canada

Today, I was so drunk that I gave my mom's number instead of mine to the really cute guy I met at the bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 521

You deserved it 39 613

What the…?

By Anonymous - 05/02/2024 05:00

Today, my dad showed up at my house and offered to take me to my favorite restaurant. He drove me to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. He believes I only had my daughter, who I love with all my heart, because I drunkenly hooked up with a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 554

You deserved it 123

By Anonymous - 28/10/2011 04:17 - United States

Today, I talked to my mom about hanging out with her. She got out her phone to schedule an appointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 523

You deserved it 2 989

By blah - 21/07/2011 14:10 - United States

Today, my mom took me to an AA meeting because she said I needed help. I have never tried alcohol in my life, and told them this. I was then harangued by the "instructor" because apparently one of the signs of alcoholism is denial. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 706

You deserved it 3 067

Denial

By Anonymous - 04/03/2014 04:12 - United States - Woodland

Today, my mom left the house in the morning, leaving me alone. I called and I got no answer. Hours later, she finally answers one of my calls and tells me that she'd been in an AA meeting all this time. Happy, I tell her to come home. She came home drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 170

You deserved it 3 217

By Anonymous - 18/09/2010 14:41 - United Kingdom

Today, I was getting picked up by my dad after I had been swimming. I saw his car, so I walked over to it, got in and started talking about how I'd seen my brother. It wasn't until after I had put my seat belt on that I realized I was talking to a complete stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 425

You deserved it 29 402

By geeb - 23/02/2010 18:33 - United States

Today, I had to confess to my mother that I was too hungover to take her to her AA meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 593

You deserved it 36 513

By KayKay - 23/09/2016 06:33 - United States - Ware

Today, my brother called me up. He said he needed to talk to me. Whenever someone says that, I naturally I get nervous. He said, "I gave one of my friends your number." I was shocked and asked why. "Your life makes me sad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 404

You deserved it 1 377

By Anonymous - 23/11/2016 16:58

Today, I bumped into my English teacher at an AA meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 477

You deserved it 1 029

redhedsaysrawr 18

Thursday 27 December 2012 0:10

Troll mom is winning

Harpy20 24

Thursday 27 December 2012 0:10

Twat swat level: EXPERT.

Comments

seandoc 13

Thursday 27 December 2012 0:08

What a way to introduce your family!

rallets 22

Thursday 27 December 2012 0:30

what a twat swatter

redhedsaysrawr 18

Thursday 27 December 2012 0:10

Troll mom is winning

youknowimright 5

Thursday 27 December 2012 6:05

Hey might as well teach em while theyre young to lie and fabricate stories to avoid potential unpleasantries. def winning at mothering...

Harpy20 24

Thursday 27 December 2012 0:10

Twat swat level: EXPERT.

NYC_Yoshi 3

Thursday 27 December 2012 5:35

Definitely Asian level.

dalink 24

Thursday 27 December 2012 9:10

I love this comment. And your profile pic. Ahh rainbow road... How I hated you in Mario kart.

bombshellbabee01 9

Thursday 27 December 2012 0:10

In a way You got **** blocked by your mom

iloveandy143 7

Thursday 27 December 2012 2:04

No shit.

AvengedSevenfold_fml_fml 12

Thursday 27 December 2012 3:16

Technically, she got beaver dammed.

daliagrande 17

Thursday 27 December 2012 0:10

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

MrSassypants 33

Thursday 27 December 2012 0:22

I know, right? She's even taking OP to her AA meeting. What a wonderful woman.......

PenguinBitch 43

Thursday 27 December 2012 0:46

I agree with 5. Motherly instincts y'all know.

sux4u121 10

Thursday 27 December 2012 8:16

Oh yes, protecting her from those evil grocery fiends.

IllestRated 17

Thursday 27 December 2012 17:36

No that's just mom being a hater.

rocker_chick105 31

Thursday 27 December 2012 0:10

Your mom > my mom

RZB 11

Thursday 27 December 2012 2:14

OP's mom > everyone's mom

youknowimright 5

Thursday 27 December 2012 6:07

She certainly does seem like a good influence...

onorexveritas 23

Thursday 27 December 2012 0:10

she loves you

sens3sfailing 24

Thursday 27 December 2012 10:18

Jesus was a man.

n3rd43v3r 10

Thursday 27 December 2012 0:11

That's when you wink, lick your lips, and walk away

MsConfusedd 27

Thursday 27 December 2012 0:13

Your mom is awesome.

beehardxcore 26

Thursday 27 December 2012 0:13

Troll level: Overprotective Mom. Lol what a dick move.

TellMeWhatsDeath 14

Thursday 27 December 2012 1:07

not overprotective.. just a troll.

Mister_Triangle 21

Thursday 27 December 2012 13:48

No, that's not what trolling means; and it's definitely because she thought she was helping (thus overprotective)

Keywords

Break-ups Christmas Love Poopoo peepee Gross Miscellaneous Argument Ironic Awkward Friends Cute Haircut Relatable Work Cars You're fired Health Covid Jealousy Cheating Kids Parenting Family DIY Cats Sex Roommate Intimacy Am I overreacting? Management

The Top

Today, I learned the meaning behind the phrase, "Love you long time". It's from the movie Full Metal Jacket, when a hooker comes in and says, "Me so horny, me love you long time." I've been saying this to my parents and people at school, having no idea what it really means for over 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 784

You deserved it 22 714

Today, my sister was concerned that her daughter (my niece) was sick, and hesitant to take her to the ER. I asked if she'd eaten something she shouldn't have, and she replied, "No, especially since we feed her the most healthy food we can." This was fine until I flipped out when she said, "We even give her raw milk so that she'll be strong." FML

I agree, your life sucks 438

You deserved it 121

The Top

Today, we were at a friend’s birthday party and it was time to sing Happy Birthday. My crush was there. Wanting to impress him, I started out-singing everyone with runs and riffs. Someone said, “It’s just Happy Birthday, it’s not that serious, wannabe American Idol.” Everyone, including him, laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 256

You deserved it 2 293

Today, as part of my job, I had to watch a few 5 year-olds while their parents were busy with my manager. It only confirmed my choice to never have children, and yet my mother still insists I should have one, because once they exist and I love them, I’ll see how silly my choice to not have them is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 002

You deserved it 165

Today my sister was complaining about all the inaccuracies in Grey's Anatomy and how it negatively portrayed nurses. I’m a massage therapist. Almost everything portrays us as cheap whores. I’ve even been propositioned several times. When I pointed this out, she and the rest of my family laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 850

You deserved it 253

Today, I took my girlfriend to a very nice restaurant. I thought it would be a good place to pop the question. I gave the ring to the waiter and asked him to put it on her dessert plate. When she saw it she picked it up, put it down and said "no". Then she started to eat the dessert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88 845

You deserved it 5 442

Today, my former fiancée, who I stopped seeing 5 months ago, married another guy. She wore the dress that I'd purchased for our would-be wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 290

You deserved it 5 707

Today, I'm sleeping in a hotel with my grandparents for 2 days. They both talked in their sleep and snored for almost 3 hours straight, so I moved into the bathtub in the tiny bathroom to try to get some sleep. Just as I was falling asleep, the showerhead started to leak. Back to square one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 791

You deserved it 955

Protective

Same thing different taste

What the…?

Denial

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