Today, I asked my dad if I was a planned baby. He asked me if the crazy drunken party he and my mom had nine months prior to my birth counted. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I asked my Dad if it was true that my mother had a C-section at my birth. He replied "Yeah, so technically you weren't even born, you were surgically removed, like a tumor." FML
Today, after a few drinks my dad decided to tell me the story of how I was born. He wanted a baby girl after my brother, and mum didn't want any more children. So he tricked her by giving her the wrong pill. That should explain a lot. FML
Today, my dad got drunk and asked if I had inherited his "abnormally tiny penis." FML
Today, my parents, my aunt, and her husband went out to dinner. Once there, my aunt told us that she was pregnant. Out of instinct, I asked her who the father is. FML
Today, my dad told me that I was conceived while he and my mother were high on LSD. He then stared into the distance, mumbled "Probably explains a few things" and chuckled to himself. FML
Today, someone asked my wife if I was her father. FML
Today, I asked my mother why she didn't drink. She laughed and said, "The last time I drank was the night you were conceived. I didn't need any other disasters." FML
Today, I was asked when my baby is due. My baby was due 6 months ago. FML
Today, after much deliberation, I decided to accept my parents' invitation to a family dinner. A half hour after I arrived, all hell broke loose, because my mom's pregnancy test had come back positive, and she was convinced my dad had poked holes in his own condom. FML
Today, I was tying my hair up when my dad rubbed my stomach and asked how his grandchild was doing. He knows I'm not pregnant and that I've been trying really hard to lose weight. FML
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Top comments
vballcutie08 6
I've never been brave enough to ask, I was afraid I'd get an answer like this one..
bellakaykid 6
Yes, that counts.
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Comments (97)
elmogoezRAWR 0
Go get pregnant and when he asks whos the father, say that you didn't have s*x. When he prods further, ask him "Did that wild drunken party I had a couple weeks ago count?" and when he's recovering, punch him in the face and steal his purse.
bitchslapped22 14
She wouldn't know she was pregnant after 2 weeks
zachherbert 10
15 why do you always say steal their purse. I mean how many purses do you have?
elmogoezRAWR 0
U17, and the number is growing steadily....
ShawnzieNstuff 6
Was it necessary to censor the word "Sex"?
elmogoezRAWR 0
I can c*ns*r an*thing I wan* to c*ns*r. Whe*eee**ee***ee*e**e*ee**e! :D
RyanMacVey 17
i am most certain i was not planned :L
elmogoezRAWR 0
Probably not, gayboii. Probably not.
ih82bl8 2
I was adopted- I was planned and paid for bitches!!!!!!
merrywanna 0
he planned on cumming, just not inside. he had hoped you were machine washable.
mandel2000 0
the most important thing is if he love you and care about you, who care if you were planned or not?
illmatic2 16
I totally agree. My parents didn't exactly mean to have my little sister, but they are glad now that we have her.
julianna170 4
Don't worry I wasn't planned either. I feel your pain
elmogoezRAWR 0
I know that feel, bro.
AngelLove251987 0
Don't feel bad over that, my baby happened by accident but we both love her to death n can't imagine our lives without her! Accident doesn't mean ur not loved!
GEFStryker 29
If that's the case, I think you should be asking yourself if your dad is really your dad. No offense to your mom. Well, maybe a little.
Pixxio_O 11
They where short on condoms...
beetboxboy 9
But not on beer...
elmogoezRAWR 0
Or Viagra...
HomeAl0ne 20
Well, yes and no. Your 'uncle' had planned on plying your mum with booze and then taking advantage of her in the guest bedroom while she was shit faced. Does that answer your question?
twisted54 1
The money spent on the birth of my older brother was the money my dad was saving to buy a Harley. We were both accidents being as how my mom was told she couldn't have kids even after he was born. I'm done boring you now....:)