Today, I was masturbating, and out of the corner of my eye I saw a figure. It was my neighbor staring at me through the window with a total look of disgust. I moved in this weekend and hadn't yet introduced myself to her. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, as I sat on the toilet, I heard a noise outside. I peered through the window and found myself staring directly at my neighbor. FML
Today, I was masturbating in the dark with the door open. I thought I saw a figure outside my door, because I didn't have my glasses on. After intensely staring at the dark figure for about a minute, thinking it was my imagination, my stepdad said, "You know, I'm looking RIGHT at you." FML
Today, while I was sitting on the toilet, my toddler swung the door open. We just bought the house, and we have no curtains. Our new neighbor, who I haven't met, was mowing her yard. I stood half-naked to close the door, and our eyes met. I froze. She waved. FML
Today, my crazy neighbor came up to me in the street and slapped me across the face, accusing me of leering through her restroom window while she showered. I'm gay. FML
Today, I ran into my new apartment neighbor. She said she could hear me and my girlfriend having wild sex last night. She told me she had always wanted to have a threesome. My new neighbor is as old as my grandma, and even resembles her. I politely declined. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of my neighbor pleasuring himself. FML
Today, I was masturbating in my bedroom, when suddenly, my mom opened the door and walked in with guests. I didn't react quick enough. FML
Today, while masturbating at the computer, I was interrupted by a flash of light out of the corner of my eye. As I turned to face it, I realized I forgot to close the blinds. Standing at the window in the appartment across the street were two girls, one had a camera and was snapping a second shot. FML
Today, as I was going to bed, I spotted a man staring at my window from a neighbor's yard. Ten minutes later, he was still there. I freaked out, started crying, and contemplated calling the cops. My creeper turned out to be the neighbor's wooden lawn ornament. FML
Today, I peeked through my window and trained a pair of binoculars on my neighbour's house. Every night without fail, he ends up standing in front of his window topless to flex his muscles. This time, I was surprised to instead find a note taped to the window saying, "Sorry, I'm out tonight." FML
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Top comments
Calyx_fml 22
Go over and shake her hand in greeting.
glittercookies 12
Give her a look of disgust for being a voyeur!
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Comments (224)
ifoundalaska 11
They're pretty gross for spying on you. Everybody masturbates anyway so why are they surprised you were...
angelinaanimerg 7
You didn't do anything wrong masturbating in your own apartment. Wtf was she doing watching u. Give her a look for being a peeper
phonefromhell 0
know what i think? you are a M to the O to the R to the O to the N. what does that spell? figure it out.
chillyCholo 5
Mtotheotothertotheotothen.. I don't get it
Sexy_Smurf 16
M>O>R>O>N.... poster is saying OP is a Moron (their views not mine) :D
ohmandapants 17
^ you obviously don't get the joke. And I don't get how OP is a moron, what he does in his own home is his business. She didn't have to STARE. He just forgot to close the curtains. Or what if OP doesn't have curtains or blinds?
ethan1398 2
Your ******* gay you dick
Shadow_Phantom 26
Wtf? What a creeper. FYL.
ThecomingofTan 9
She just acted like she was disgusted. Seeing you in the act made her realize that she needs to head home and do some self-exploration of her own.
groupleader 7
If you are masturbating, she probably figures you don't want a g/f anyway..
bizarre_ftw 22
She was looking at You in disgust?! What you do in the comfort of your own home is your business and masturbating is perfectly healthy and normal. Tack a letter to her door that goes over the finer points of why being a Peeping Tom is wrong morally, socially, and legally Then add in a subtle threat of legal action and end in a clearly malice soaked kind remark
Greeksta23 7
1) What was she doing looking through your window... I think she was looking for some action to be honest, I think you misjudged the look of 'disgust' it probably was a look of yearning. It's a great conversational starter; "Hey I'm your new neighbour, I enjoy masturbating and you're a nosy bitch" Simple, sweet and effective! Give it a few days you'll be best friends!
Greeksta23 7
37, I don't think you can get more private than your own home.
tbonesgurl 0
Lmao that's fcknawesome