Today, my girlfriend told me she has a vulva fetish. I dry-hump her knees like any normal, red-blooded, heterosexual man would do, but she's still not satisfied. Apparently, she wants me to penetrate her pee-slot. FML.

An odd seeming fetish (as long as no one is hurt or forced to do something against their will) should not itself keep a relationship from working. But each partner should get satisfaction out of the relationship. If the relationship works for both of you, then it’s not a problem. Penetration is not the only way to achieve orgasm. Ask for oral, for example. On the other other hand, if you are not getting satisfied and you have let it known to your partner that you expect more and he’s unwilling or unable to give you sexual pleasure then it’s time to move on.

This is just selfishness. Kinks aside, your boyfriend should be making an attempt to make sure you also have fun while y'all do it. Tell him either he's gotta step up or you're no longer stepping on.

Try letting your leg hair grow out