Intimacy, Tattoos and Health: New kink unlocked

New kink unlocked

By sausages - 17/01/2014 20:56 - Macedonia - Skopje

Today, I went to get my first tattoo. Before we started, the tattooist told me to just relax and embrace the pain. I guess I did that too well; I kept getting an erection throughout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 172

You deserved it 8 441

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Same thing different taste

For life

By thats_not_good - 28/05/2009 18:15 - United States

Today, I was getting my first tattoo done. My parents told me it was a bad idea. My friends' parents told me it was a bad idea. I told them that people get tattoos done all the time and nothing goes wrong. Fifty minutes into the tattoo on my back, the artist said, "Oh shit, shit, shit. We can fix this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 415

You deserved it 56 261

By UnluckyInk - 18/02/2013 08:50 - United States - Manlius

Today, I went in to get my first tattoo. I'd put a lot of thought into it and was really excited when the day came. Long story short, the Celtic knot I'd gotten turned out to have an alternate meaning of "female sex slave." The faces my very Irish family made were beyond words. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 321

You deserved it 49 719

Spooked

By thatescalatedquickly - 07/11/2013 08:52 - United States - Collierville

Today, I was having sex for the first time with a girl who wanted to be friends with benefits. Halfway through sex she noticed that I had the same tattoo as her brother, and had a full-on panic attack that lasted half-an-hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 121

You deserved it 7 281

By Anonymous - 08/01/2010 11:48 - United States

Today, I woke up and felt that my arm was sore. I got so drunk last night, I got an unprofessional tattoo of a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 921

You deserved it 50 992

By Buggga - 22/08/2009 09:07 - Australia

Today, I was instructed to shave my back in preperation for my first tattoo. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 080

You deserved it 12 601

By Anonymous - 17/04/2009 14:14 - United States

Today, I had to re-take an hour long MRI scan because I got an erection midway through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 167

You deserved it 17 278

Inked

By damnit - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I got my first tattoo. It's a large broadsword which runs the length of my spine. I went home to show it off, only to learn that the hilt on my neck looks just like a penis when the rest of it is covered with my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 945

You deserved it 64 705

By anon - 08/03/2009 08:47 - United States

Today, I got my first tattoo. It was a surprise for my fiancé: our names together over a heart. I went home but before I could show him, he said we had to have a 'talk.' Now my ex's name is tattooed on my back. The kicker? Turns out I'm allergic to the ink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 896

You deserved it 76 932

Memento

By Anonymous - 20/06/2023 03:00

Today, my quite squeamish girlfriend came with me to get my latest tattoo. She saw a few drops of blood, screamed in the tattooist's ear, and completely fucked up part of the outline. She had to alter the tattoo drastically to cover up the mess and now it just looks bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 690

You deserved it 522

By Anonymous - 16/01/2011 10:48 - Canada

Today, I went to get a tattoo of my girlfriend's name to surprise her. Halfway through the tattooing, she called and broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 609

You deserved it 71 883

anonymous_kenie 7

Saturday 18 January 2014 1:38

Hey sometimes life is hard

bloodierframe30 16

Saturday 18 January 2014 1:38

Wow. I'll call that a 'Hard' time

Comments

LinkandSaria 10

Saturday 18 January 2014 1:38

first

anonymous_kenie 7

Saturday 18 January 2014 1:38

Hey sometimes life is hard

vbzy 11

Saturday 18 January 2014 2:12

It has it's ups and downs, right OP?

HKCgrimmjow 15

Saturday 18 January 2014 2:28

On the bright side, you now know you're a masochist!

omgbrainZ_fml 24

Saturday 18 January 2014 4:13

Haha lol. Life is "hard" what a great pun :P

VeganVampyre 26

Saturday 18 January 2014 4:29

Wow, thank you, 55! None of us would have gotten that without you!

JustinKirby 20

Saturday 18 January 2014 6:58

I tried to find a way to fit the phrase "stuck Inbetween a rock and a hard place" in there but couldn't think of a clever pun.

Kain713 14

Monday 20 January 2014 9:59

Thanks Ted, that was the joke.

bloodierframe30 16

Saturday 18 January 2014 1:38

Wow. I'll call that a 'Hard' time

applebramble 22

Saturday 18 January 2014 5:09

Hmm OP likes to be dominated .

radwanov 14

Saturday 18 January 2014 20:00

nah nah nah come on, come on, come on. i like it, like it s s s & m m m :)

VonBlitzkrieg 27

Monday 20 January 2014 6:55

At least now OP knows what he's into.

xXxJaGsTeRxXx 11

Saturday 18 January 2014 1:39

Get a tattoo on your junk next time! Wonder what will happen.

DarthMorlock 9

Saturday 18 January 2014 1:40

This reminds me of 21 jump street "we even had to get tatoos on out junks

ShadowSneaker360 16

Saturday 18 January 2014 2:47

I heard a guy got a tattoo on his dick and now has a permanent erection.

liketenpandas 6

Sunday 19 January 2014 19:54

I once heard this story... oh wait. no I didn't.

mallu86 9

Sunday 19 January 2014 20:39

#119 you must had a really rough childhood.

joeja69 6

Friday 24 January 2014 12:21

probably in the face lol

TheCrispyCat 20

Saturday 18 January 2014 1:39

Whatever's comfortable

vikingsfan619 5

Saturday 18 January 2014 1:39

Was the tattoo that he erected up to your standards?

wellthen7154 12

Saturday 18 January 2014 1:45

Those standards are a bit too hard to cum up to.

cryssycakesx3 22

Saturday 18 January 2014 2:50

those puns almost made me spit everywhere!

junkman6 22

Saturday 18 January 2014 3:19

Spitters never win!

wellthen7154 12

Saturday 18 January 2014 3:56

I will admit they are a bit tough to swallow.

bighood24 17

Saturday 18 January 2014 6:32

spitters are quiters

LinkandSaria 10

Saturday 18 January 2014 1:40

Tattoo parlor's have seen lots.of things. Don't worry about it OP

junkman6 22

Saturday 18 January 2014 1:40

Masochism is apparently your thing. Time to buy some latex suits and a cat o' nine.

J_Kertz 14

Saturday 18 January 2014 8:09

And apparently a tattoo gun.

NotMyDay5 13

Saturday 18 January 2014 1:40

Fifty Shades of tattoo

krupa1017 18

Saturday 18 January 2014 1:40

Hey, whatever gets you through the pain. Lol

Keywords

Poopoo peepee Love Embarrassing Miscellaneous Christmas Romantic Break-ups Annoying Money Gross Ironic Argument Awkward Friends Cute Haircut Lonely Holidays Relatable Work Bosses Capitalism Cars You're fired Covid Health Jealousy Cheating Kids Parenting

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I agree, your life sucks 526

You deserved it 145

Today, I put lemon juice in my hair as a cheap and easy way to get highlights. I left it in my hair and I laid out in the backyard to get some sun. The sunshine wasn't the only thing that found me; it seems every bug in the neighborhood is now hiding in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 540

You deserved it 51 165

The Top

Today, I left the windows open because I live in Florida without air conditioning because the asshole landlord won't fix it. There was nice cool air from the rain. I've killed about 100 flying ants that have made their way inside. Now I have a hot house with closed windows and flying ants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 099

You deserved it 1 547

Today, I found out why the only business in town that operates in my chosen industry won’t hire me. Several months ago, my father antagonised the owner, bringing up my name in the process. I haven’t spoken to the man in five years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 073

You deserved it 66

Today, I woke up in the hospital. I had apparently overworked my heart so much that I fainted. What caused it? I was playing a racing game on my Wii and freaked out when I won first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 020

You deserved it 38 525

Today, and for a long time, I've had a phobia of schools. I'm extremely stressed out about starting in a new school. Normal, right? Yes, except that I'm the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 491

You deserved it 10 973

Today, I got told repeatedly to "stay in my lane" by a woman in her 40s. Why? Because I politely asked her if she had a mask when she entered the retail store I work in. Our policy is that everyone must wear a face mask in the store at all times. One hour down, 8 more to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 751

You deserved it 337

Today, I fell asleep in the school bus on the way back home when my loud fart woke me and a few other kids up. I am a teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 410

You deserved it 380

New kink unlocked

Same thing different taste

For life

Spooked

Inked

Memento

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