Intimacy, Tattoos and Health: New kink unlocked

New kink unlocked

By sausages - 17/01/2014 20:56 - Macedonia - Skopje

Today, I went to get my first tattoo. Before we started, the tattooist told me to just relax and embrace the pain. I guess I did that too well; I kept getting an erection throughout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 161

You deserved it 8 430

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
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Same thing different taste

For life

By thats_not_good - 28/05/2009 18:15 - United States

Today, I was getting my first tattoo done. My parents told me it was a bad idea. My friends' parents told me it was a bad idea. I told them that people get tattoos done all the time and nothing goes wrong. Fifty minutes into the tattoo on my back, the artist said, "Oh shit, shit, shit. We can fix this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 405

You deserved it 56 241

By UnluckyInk - 18/02/2013 08:50 - United States - Manlius

Today, I went in to get my first tattoo. I'd put a lot of thought into it and was really excited when the day came. Long story short, the Celtic knot I'd gotten turned out to have an alternate meaning of "female sex slave." The faces my very Irish family made were beyond words. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 319

You deserved it 49 700

Spooked

By thatescalatedquickly - 07/11/2013 08:52 - United States - Collierville

Today, I was having sex for the first time with a girl who wanted to be friends with benefits. Halfway through sex she noticed that I had the same tattoo as her brother, and had a full-on panic attack that lasted half-an-hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 103

You deserved it 7 272

By Anonymous - 08/01/2010 11:48 - United States

Today, I woke up and felt that my arm was sore. I got so drunk last night, I got an unprofessional tattoo of a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 920

You deserved it 50 965

By Buggga - 22/08/2009 09:07 - Australia

Today, I was instructed to shave my back in preperation for my first tattoo. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 075

You deserved it 12 593

By Anonymous - 17/04/2009 14:14 - United States

Today, I had to re-take an hour long MRI scan because I got an erection midway through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 149

You deserved it 17 273

Inked

By damnit - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I got my first tattoo. It's a large broadsword which runs the length of my spine. I went home to show it off, only to learn that the hilt on my neck looks just like a penis when the rest of it is covered with my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 937

You deserved it 64 672

By anon - 08/03/2009 08:47 - United States

Today, I got my first tattoo. It was a surprise for my fiancé: our names together over a heart. I went home but before I could show him, he said we had to have a 'talk.' Now my ex's name is tattooed on my back. The kicker? Turns out I'm allergic to the ink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 886

You deserved it 76 899

Memento

By Anonymous - 20/06/2023 03:00

Today, my quite squeamish girlfriend came with me to get my latest tattoo. She saw a few drops of blood, screamed in the tattooist's ear, and completely fucked up part of the outline. She had to alter the tattoo drastically to cover up the mess and now it just looks bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 675

You deserved it 501

By Anonymous - 16/01/2011 10:48 - Canada

Today, I went to get a tattoo of my girlfriend's name to surprise her. Halfway through the tattooing, she called and broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 604

You deserved it 71 861

anonymous_kenie 7

Saturday 18 January 2014 1:38

Hey sometimes life is hard

bloodierframe30 16

Saturday 18 January 2014 1:38

Wow. I'll call that a 'Hard' time

Comments

LinkandSaria 10

Saturday 18 January 2014 1:38

first

anonymous_kenie 7

Saturday 18 January 2014 1:38

Hey sometimes life is hard

vbzy 11

Saturday 18 January 2014 2:12

It has it's ups and downs, right OP?

HKCgrimmjow 15

Saturday 18 January 2014 2:28

On the bright side, you now know you're a masochist!

omgbrainZ_fml 24

Saturday 18 January 2014 4:13

Haha lol. Life is "hard" what a great pun :P

VeganVampyre 26

Saturday 18 January 2014 4:29

Wow, thank you, 55! None of us would have gotten that without you!

JustinKirby 20

Saturday 18 January 2014 6:58

I tried to find a way to fit the phrase "stuck Inbetween a rock and a hard place" in there but couldn't think of a clever pun.

Kain713 14

Monday 20 January 2014 9:59

Thanks Ted, that was the joke.

bloodierframe30 16

Saturday 18 January 2014 1:38

Wow. I'll call that a 'Hard' time

applebramble 22

Saturday 18 January 2014 5:09

Hmm OP likes to be dominated .

radwanov 14

Saturday 18 January 2014 20:00

nah nah nah come on, come on, come on. i like it, like it s s s & m m m :)

VonBlitzkrieg 27

Monday 20 January 2014 6:55

At least now OP knows what he's into.

xXxJaGsTeRxXx 11

Saturday 18 January 2014 1:39

Get a tattoo on your junk next time! Wonder what will happen.

DarthMorlock 9

Saturday 18 January 2014 1:40

This reminds me of 21 jump street "we even had to get tatoos on out junks

ShadowSneaker360 16

Saturday 18 January 2014 2:47

I heard a guy got a tattoo on his dick and now has a permanent erection.

liketenpandas 6

Sunday 19 January 2014 19:54

I once heard this story... oh wait. no I didn't.

mallu86 9

Sunday 19 January 2014 20:39

#119 you must had a really rough childhood.

joeja69 6

Friday 24 January 2014 12:21

probably in the face lol

TheCrispyCat 20

Saturday 18 January 2014 1:39

Whatever's comfortable

vikingsfan619 5

Saturday 18 January 2014 1:39

Was the tattoo that he erected up to your standards?

wellthen7154 12

Saturday 18 January 2014 1:45

Those standards are a bit too hard to cum up to.

cryssycakesx3 22

Saturday 18 January 2014 2:50

those puns almost made me spit everywhere!

junkman6 22

Saturday 18 January 2014 3:19

Spitters never win!

wellthen7154 12

Saturday 18 January 2014 3:56

I will admit they are a bit tough to swallow.

bighood24 17

Saturday 18 January 2014 6:32

spitters are quiters

LinkandSaria 10

Saturday 18 January 2014 1:40

Tattoo parlor's have seen lots.of things. Don't worry about it OP

junkman6 22

Saturday 18 January 2014 1:40

Masochism is apparently your thing. Time to buy some latex suits and a cat o' nine.

J_Kertz 14

Saturday 18 January 2014 8:09

And apparently a tattoo gun.

NotMyDay5 13

Saturday 18 January 2014 1:40

Fifty Shades of tattoo

krupa1017 18

Saturday 18 January 2014 1:40

Hey, whatever gets you through the pain. Lol

Keywords

Poopoo peepee Health Awkward Jewelry Kids Fight Family Love Work Relatable Students Noise Animals Birds Sleep Mental health Medication Contraception Racism Pregnancy Relationship advice Cheating Friends Teenagers Sex Intimacy Embarrassing Food Revenge Cats

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 37 408

You deserved it 8 930

Today, I went looking for a childhood doll - I remembered that my mum kept her in her bedside cabinet. I could see the doll at the back, but there was stuff in the way, so I reached in and took some of it out, only to find I was holding one of my mum's toys… a big black rubber cock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 225

You deserved it 6 962

The Top

Today, I took my clothes off in front of my girlfriend for the first time. She made a weird face for a moment, then burst into laughter. She couldn't stop laughing, no matter how hard she tried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 891

You deserved it 4 921

Today, I went through the drive-through at Dunkin Donuts and asked for an iced coffee. After no response, I started frantically screaming about bad service. After a while, a woman came out to my car and said, "Please pull up to the speaker." I'd been yelling at a garbage bin for 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 474

You deserved it 124 892

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I agree, your life sucks 44 065

You deserved it 4 389

Today, I managed to somehow trip and fall on my back twice within just two hours. My back didn’t hurt the first time, but it sure does now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 615

You deserved it 122

Today, I had an appraisal meeting with the Boss. She raved and gushed and told me what a great job I was doing. Then she said "Well done, Eric". Eric is not my name. She froze, opened a new file and told me my actual appraisal, which was the complete opposite of everything she had just said. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 324

You deserved it 6 732

Today, I discovered the piggy bank I made a Facebook account for has more friends than me. It has 12. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 577

You deserved it 14 432

New kink unlocked

Same thing different taste

For life

Spooked

Inked

Memento

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