Intimacy: Today, I had to re-take an hour long MRI scan because I got an... - FML

By Anonymous - 17/04/2009 14:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had to re-take an hour long MRI scan because I got an erection midway through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 957

You deserved it 17 231

Vulture

Triage

Get on with it!

By Msmerfner - 03/08/2013 08:40 - United States - Hemet

Today, I was trying to be sexy in the bathtub for my boyfriend. I leaned back and caught my hair on fire with the candle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 402

You deserved it 16 061

By redeye - 19/09/2011 05:03 - United States

Today, my younger brother decided it would be funny to put rubbing alcohol in my contact lens case while I had them soaking overnight. I didn't realize this until I put the first one in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 597

You deserved it 2 441

By Anonymous - 07/04/2014 17:02 - Canada

Today, I noticed something written on the top of my toaster, so I used a finger to clear away some of the crumbs, burning my finger in the process. The writing? "CAUTION: Hot surface!" Thanks, toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 989

You deserved it 48 707

By webcammistake - 17/03/2009 20:51 - United States

Today, I was on a webcam with my friend. We were joking around so I stood up and flashed her. Her grandma choose that second to walk past and look at the screen. Her grandma now thinks were lesbians and that I'm a whore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 056

You deserved it 75 708

By needtoscratch - 05/09/2012 14:06 - United States - Duluth

Today, my dormant eczema decided to come back with a vengeance - on my scrotum. I work in an open office and can't scratch unless I repeatedly run into the restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 868

You deserved it 1 763

By meep - 23/12/2009 16:05 - United States

Today, I found out where my $300 worth of American Eagle and Hollister clothes had disappeared to. My 16 year old sister shredded them with scissors, took pictures of it for her Myspace and said that I deserved it for being a "conformist." All her "internet friends" said it was awesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 695

You deserved it 12 307

By Shameful - 18/01/2012 19:57 - United States

Today, my school's 6'2, 270-pound, 375-pound bench-pressing football superstar knocked me unconscious in one hit. With a dodgeball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 779

You deserved it 3 769

By anne - 30/07/2010 23:23 - Canada

Today, my 20 year-old son decided it would be funny to unbuckle my seat belt while the cops were right beside us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 366

You deserved it 4 105

By Anonymous - 01/04/2018 05:00

Today I went in for an STD test. The Q-tip broke off in my urethra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 395

You deserved it 413

By stoopidpoop - 05/02/2010 00:29 - United States

Spicy

Today, I told my girlfriend's father that I wanted to talk about his daughter. I then went on to tell him I was thinking about 'popping the cherry', instead of 'popping the question'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 932

You deserved it 13 724

By greeple - 10/09/2012 16:19 - Singapore

Today, I decided to clean my face of unwanted visitors, and spent my shower popping the pimples on my cheeks. Twenty minutes later, I remembered that I was showering ahead of a date with my girlfriend. My cheeks now look like the crater-filled surface of Mars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 712

You deserved it 12 738

By anon - 31/07/2015 20:28 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate. It was his first time, which I guess explains him sticking his hand down my panties and practically bitch-slapping my vagina for the next 20 or 30 seconds. I stupidly faked an orgasm just to get him to stop. Now he thinks he's some kind of sex god. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 235

You deserved it 34 178

By Hungrey - 29/05/2012 01:38 - United States

Today, I admitted to my parents that I have an eating disorder. Instead of trying to help, my mom stared at me and said, "Duh". FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 524

You deserved it 4 383

I get around

By Permafucked - 12/05/2009 14:23 - United States

Spicy

Today, not wanting to be known as a lightweight anymore, I started drinking with some guy friends. After one beer, I ended up in bed with one of them, who kindly put my bra back on for me after, as I was too sloshed. I'm no longer known as lightweight, but instead, the slutty drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 873

You deserved it 85 408

By thechad_144 - 01/06/2009 23:42 - United States

Today, at an elementary school a girl showed me her grandma's obituary in the paper and started crying. To stop her from crying I made things out of the rest of the paper, later she asked me where her grandma's obituary was. I accidentally made it into a hat, with lots of tape. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 078

You deserved it 52 997

By Mangled Shoelace - 02/02/2017 23:00 - United Kingdom - Renfrew

Today, I embarrassed myself by screaming for help in a crowded mall when my shoelace got stuck at the top of the escalator. Someone behind me kicked the shoelace and it came out easily. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 145

You deserved it 2 049

OK Mrs Miyagi

By poor kid - 17/08/2021 10:59 - United States

Today, I had to ban a mom from practice, which sadly meant the kid had to leave too. Several times the mom had been loud, disruptive and even rushed onto the mat because I wasn’t teaching her son the "right way". I’m a third degree black belt and I teach 5-6 year olds on my days off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 040

You deserved it 65

Not safe for work

By Anonymous - 02/11/2019 00:02

Today, I went to move an intimate, very NSFW Word document to a secure folder on my phone. Instead, I accidentally sent it to a printer somewhere in my office building at work. I don't know which of my 40 coworkers or managers has it on their printer for their arrival tomorrow morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 849

You deserved it 2 176

By Pinkie - 06/08/2011 21:06 - United States

Today, I had to announce to the whole house that I was going the bathroom, because the lock on the door is broken. Before I had the chance to wipe, my dad loudly burst through the door, stark bollock naked, to take a shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 737

You deserved it 2 601

By Dv0829 - 21/10/2011 05:42 - United States

Today, I went to the store with my girlfriend. She needed to use the bathroom so I started looking at the books. It wasn't until the manager shot me a weird look that I realized I'd wandered down too far and was looking at bridal magazines, holding tampons, dog treats, and hair spray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 182

You deserved it 4 810

By keifer13 - 03/06/2009 05:22 - United States

Today, it was my high school graduation. I brought my camera to capture these last memories, only to discover that the batteries were dead. When I got home and went to change them, I realized they were not dead, they were just put in the wrong way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 604

You deserved it 56 135

By Anonymous - 03/12/2010 07:02 - United States

Today, I was in the middle of enjoying a really good book while in a waiting room. Someone saw what I was reading and thought it would be cool if she leaned over and told me everything that happens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 457

You deserved it 3 051

By Why? - 05/03/2015 22:34 - United States - Broomfield

Today, I'm faced with the prospect of having to defend my sister from a herd of very angry bronies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 491

You deserved it 2 529

By Anonymous - 02/04/2012 05:01 - United States - Portland

Today, I came home from work to find a burglar in my house. He then said that he was just leaving, and went back out of the broken window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 812

You deserved it 2 392

Man of mystery

By Anonymous - 22/02/2021 00:30

Spicy

Today, I found a video of my fiance staring into the camera while deep-throating a dildo, and then putting it other places. I have no idea who/what it was for, or how to talk to him about this, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with his disinterest in me lately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 686

You deserved it 127

By dumped - 17/04/2011 21:12 - South Africa

Today, I got a postcard from my boyfriend who is on vacation in the Caribbean. He's breaking up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 749

You deserved it 3 789

By Lisa - 09/11/2018 07:00 - United States - Sedalia

Today, I developed a roll of film I'd had sitting around for years. It was all images my ex had taken of him scrubbing his ass and toilet with my electric toothbrush, which I'd used for at least a month after our breakup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 072

You deserved it 311

By wet dreams - 12/02/2016 17:46 - United States - Cartersville

Spicy

Today, I came to the realization that I dream more about my vibrator than I do about my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 901

You deserved it 4 527

By HM - 16/04/2015 13:10 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I invited a guy I've been crushing on for ages to my house, and I really wanted to make a good impression. We were sitting in the living room having drinks when my cat came in, dragging a pair of my dirty underwear and dropped them right in front of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 510

You deserved it 4 488

By MGDS - 14/12/2013 05:52 - United States - Pine Grove

Today, I had to take an oral examination. I made it to the last part of the exam, then violently threw up in the middle of my answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 137

You deserved it 3 249

By Anonymous - 13/11/2011 21:47 - United States

Today, it was laundry day. After my fifth and final load, I noticed I never added any laundry detergent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 125

You deserved it 24 508

By camerashyguy - 20/09/2014 03:14 - United States - Longview

Today, while giving directions to a blind guy, I accidentally made him walk into a wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 827

You deserved it 8 870

By bronzemedal97 - 15/06/2009 11:40 - United States

Today, I was leaning under a counter to get my girlfriend her favorite snack food out of a low cabinet when she decided it would be funny to poke me while I was in an awkward position. I jerked up, rammed my head on the bottom of the counter, and ended up at the ER with staples in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 521

You deserved it 3 207

By Loose Ends - 14/09/2016 23:48 - United States - Waltham

Today, I found out that apparently the pipes for my toilet were never connected, so anything you flush just falls out onto the basement floor downstairs. I've lived here 4 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 133

You deserved it 2 779

By BerkeleyBiker - 19/04/2011 08:23 - United States

Today, while enjoying a nice dinner out, I observed a homeless man giggling hysterically to himself while wiping boogers on my bike seat and handlebars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 291

You deserved it 3 711

By KAAALIS - 16/03/2009 02:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 736 577

You deserved it 493 902

By LH0026 - 06/08/2011 09:28 - United States

Today, I learned from the noise outside my window that construction workers start their days at 5 AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 579

You deserved it 3 100

By OmniVore - 25/02/2010 09:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date with a great vegan guy in my class. We went to a vegi-restaurant, I dutifully ate all the meatless dishes, but he seemed pissed about something, and other diners kept giving me angry looks. After we left, I realised I'd worn my leather jacket to the date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 296

You deserved it 42 678

Who am I?

By lonergirl - 18/02/2015 12:35 - Australia

Today, after being with the company for over 3 years, I realised nobody really knows my name. This was after my boss was walking around a new staff member and couldn't introduce me. Neither could my colleague, who's been sitting next to me for the last 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 054

You deserved it 3 920

By Anonymous - 11/05/2017 02:00

Today, my dog was diagnosed with a torn ACL. This costs $1500-$2500 to treat. Three months ago, he had heart worms. That cost $1400 to treat. I adopted this dog from a shelter four months ago to help relieve some of my stress and anxiety. I don't feel any less stressed or anxious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 650

You deserved it 503

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Top comments

PTERONOPHOBIA 0

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Friday 17 April 2009 20:03

well, it gets boring in there and ya gotta think about something

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Friday 17 April 2009 20:03

I wonder how the hospital employees handle that one...

Comments

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Friday 17 April 2009 20:01

never bring wood to an MRI duh.

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 5:21

that sucks you have to sit there for another hour.. but really? I think it's creepy in that. deff. not a turn on(: speaking from a lt of personal experience, I've been in and out if hospitals a lott and I'm only fourteen

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Wednesday 26 May 2010 4:06

mabe ur just a total overreacter

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Wednesday 26 May 2010 4:08

mabe ur jst a total overreactor

hellogoodbye1996 6

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Monday 28 March 2011 10:21

145 no one cares. I'm 14 and you have no idea what I've been through and guess what! I'm not gonna say cause people don't care. get the point?!

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Friday 15 July 2011 5:05

BAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

PTERONOPHOBIA 0

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Friday 17 April 2009 20:03

well, it gets boring in there and ya gotta think about something

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Thursday 14 July 2011 13:03

^this

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Friday 17 April 2009 20:03

I wonder how the hospital employees handle that one...

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Wednesday 1 May 2013 2:08

With nurse cosplay

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Friday 17 April 2009 20:04

ok that made me LOL!!! FYL dude...hahahah

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Friday 17 April 2009 20:04

Nice. I'm assuming there were hot nurses there?

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Friday 5 March 2010 4:07

better have been

sexycourtcourt 0

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Wednesday 6 October 2010 2:12

haha male or female?? lol

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Friday 17 April 2009 20:04

uhm, were they MRI'ing your penis or something....?

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Wednesday 24 March 2010 7:04

could have been a tumor around the pelvis...

nikkipettyfer 24

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Monday 12 November 2012 2:20

No you dumbass... You can't move. You have to stay still otherwise it messes it up

DaJaFu 13

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Monday 12 October 2015 23:26

164 is a retard

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Friday 17 April 2009 20:05

LMAO FYL YDI!!! hahhahha why the hell u had an erection in an MRI!??! the doc prob like "this idiot"

Broc 0

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Friday 17 April 2009 20:06

Well, do you really want the doctors to be examining your erect penis on all of their scan printouts?

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Friday 17 April 2009 20:06

hahahaha win for you my friend, you know your not supposed to bring (insert metal euphemism for erection here cause I couldn't think of any) to an MRI

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Friday 17 April 2009 20:07

@ #3, just watch a few pornos.. you'll find out how they deal with it.. ;)

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 542

You deserved it 72

Today, a guy drove an hour and a half to get to where I live, only to literally last less than 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 648

You deserved it 136