Intimacy, Tattoos and Health: New kink unlocked

New kink unlocked

By sausages - 17/01/2014 20:56 - Macedonia - Skopje

Today, I went to get my first tattoo. Before we started, the tattooist told me to just relax and embrace the pain. I guess I did that too well; I kept getting an erection throughout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 162

You deserved it 8 430

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Same thing different taste

For life

By thats_not_good - 28/05/2009 18:15 - United States

Today, I was getting my first tattoo done. My parents told me it was a bad idea. My friends' parents told me it was a bad idea. I told them that people get tattoos done all the time and nothing goes wrong. Fifty minutes into the tattoo on my back, the artist said, "Oh shit, shit, shit. We can fix this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 405

You deserved it 56 242

By UnluckyInk - 18/02/2013 08:50 - United States - Manlius

Today, I went in to get my first tattoo. I'd put a lot of thought into it and was really excited when the day came. Long story short, the Celtic knot I'd gotten turned out to have an alternate meaning of "female sex slave." The faces my very Irish family made were beyond words. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 319

You deserved it 49 701

Spooked

By thatescalatedquickly - 07/11/2013 08:52 - United States - Collierville

Today, I was having sex for the first time with a girl who wanted to be friends with benefits. Halfway through sex she noticed that I had the same tattoo as her brother, and had a full-on panic attack that lasted half-an-hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 103

You deserved it 7 272

By Anonymous - 08/01/2010 11:48 - United States

Today, I woke up and felt that my arm was sore. I got so drunk last night, I got an unprofessional tattoo of a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 920

You deserved it 50 969

By Buggga - 22/08/2009 09:07 - Australia

Today, I was instructed to shave my back in preperation for my first tattoo. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 076

You deserved it 12 593

By Anonymous - 17/04/2009 14:14 - United States

Today, I had to re-take an hour long MRI scan because I got an erection midway through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 149

You deserved it 17 274

Inked

By damnit - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I got my first tattoo. It's a large broadsword which runs the length of my spine. I went home to show it off, only to learn that the hilt on my neck looks just like a penis when the rest of it is covered with my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 937

You deserved it 64 677

By anon - 08/03/2009 08:47 - United States

Today, I got my first tattoo. It was a surprise for my fiancé: our names together over a heart. I went home but before I could show him, he said we had to have a 'talk.' Now my ex's name is tattooed on my back. The kicker? Turns out I'm allergic to the ink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 886

You deserved it 76 901

Memento

By Anonymous - 20/06/2023 03:00

Today, my quite squeamish girlfriend came with me to get my latest tattoo. She saw a few drops of blood, screamed in the tattooist's ear, and completely fucked up part of the outline. She had to alter the tattoo drastically to cover up the mess and now it just looks bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 675

You deserved it 503

By Anonymous - 16/01/2011 10:48 - Canada

Today, I went to get a tattoo of my girlfriend's name to surprise her. Halfway through the tattooing, she called and broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 604

You deserved it 71 863

anonymous_kenie 7

Saturday 18 January 2014 1:38

Hey sometimes life is hard

bloodierframe30 16

Saturday 18 January 2014 1:38

Wow. I'll call that a 'Hard' time

Comments

trellz17 19

Saturday 18 January 2014 1:52

Weird, getting tattoos do that to me too.

MissMalicious 3

Saturday 18 January 2014 2:00

I guess your "Think happy thoughts" idea didn't go exactly as planned.

dachayke 16

Saturday 18 January 2014 15:36

So that's what tinkerbell's pixie dust does to you? Damn!

finch01 18

Saturday 18 January 2014 2:02

was it a girl that gave you the tattoo?

bakingqueen 7

Saturday 18 January 2014 2:04

Christian Grey is that you!

perdix 29

Saturday 18 January 2014 2:05

Getting pricked gives you a boner? You might find a hole new set of "friends."

dachayke 16

Saturday 18 January 2014 2:12

I can't decide if that was a horrible pun or a grammar mistake.

perdix 29

Saturday 18 January 2014 4:22

#31, go with horrible pun. ;)

schadenfreud 6

Saturday 18 January 2014 2:07

invest in a bed of nails, you'll never need a significant other

PatandIsabella 4

Saturday 18 January 2014 2:07

Mmmmmmm, that's hot

underthesea12 24

Saturday 18 January 2014 2:13

you kinkster!

WhackTheJackal 22

Saturday 18 January 2014 2:13

That must of been "HARD" on your skin.

dachayke 16

Saturday 18 January 2014 5:28

No, not the caps lock!

worldclassrager 39

Saturday 18 January 2014 2:36

Sure hope there was a hot chick you could blame it on...that's a bit awkward...

Keywords

Awkward Motherhood Health Transportation Money Lonely Dentist Sadness Abuse Work Nepotism Relatable Ironic Parents Miscellaneous Birthday Food AITA Intimacy Sex Love Virginity OCD Mental health Housework Cute Cleaning Creepy Kids Argument

The Top

Today, I learned that it’s unwise to ask my cheating boyfriend, “What does she have that I don’t?” I was reduced to tears when he told me every single detail this new girl has that makes her so amazing. Now I’m researching plastic surgery and tummy tuck websites. FML

I agree, your life sucks 528

You deserved it 281

Today, I was on the bus home and on the phone with my best friend discussing my sex life with this new guy I'm seeing. I was telling her all sorts of raunchy sex things we've done until someone taps my shoulder and says "I'm sure he doesn't appreciate you saying this in public." It was his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 355

You deserved it 107 042

The Top

Today, my husband is in the garden smashing a tree stump with a sledgehammer because our 22 year-old daughter brought her first serious boyfriend home. He’s my husband's boss, a man-whore who has been bragging about all the nasty stuff his new girlfriend does to him in bed, unaware of who her dad was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 762

You deserved it 89

Today, my girlfriend who lives in China contacted me and told me she'd been harassed by a guy and was thinking about pressing charges. The guy is someone I know from college - he promised me he would say "hi" to her for me while he was in Shanghai. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 162

You deserved it 5 257

Today, I went on a blind date. People always joke about how horrible Axe is, but this guy sprayed it on so thick that I genuinely had to fight to not retch the entire time. It was so bad that at one point I thought I was going to pass out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 791

You deserved it 1 878

Today, it was insinuated that my only other female co-worker is seeing the guy I'm seeing. He bashes her all the time to me, too. Now, I wonder what he says about me, to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 997

You deserved it 156

Today, I found out why my cups of tea have been tasting a bit funny. It turns out my kettle is full of ants, so every time I boil water to make tea, the ants get re-boiled along with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 553

You deserved it 17 553

Today, I finally finished painting a house that took me 3 weeks to complete at 10 hours a day, including weekends, due to my dedication to perfection. When I went to meet with the homeowner for pay day, which was supposed to be $2000, he gave me $200, 5 tacos and then told me to "get the f*** off my lawn." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 888

You deserved it 5 486

New kink unlocked

Same thing different taste

For life

Spooked

Inked

Memento

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