Today, I had a nightmare in which I was haunted by the ghost of my foreskin. I then spent the whole day moping around, wondering what my life would've been like if my parents hadn't opted to slice it off. Will I see you in heaven, long-lost ghostly foreskin? FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML
Today, I had such a realistic dream that I was about to be hanged by the neck until I was dead. I was dropped through the hole and I felt the noose snap my neck at the exact moment I woke up. I ended up crying in my wife’s arms for a solid five minutes. Now I’m afraid to sleep, maybe forever. FML
Today, I woke up sweating and gasping for air after having a terrible nightmare. The nightmare involved my deceased mother-in-law bitching me out for being a bad influence on her daughter and threatening to cut my nuts off. Even in death, she won't leave me be. FML
Today, I had the last wedding meeting with my fiancé at our church. Running extremely late from my friends house I failed to notice a small penis drawn on my forehead by my friends when I fell asleep after a party. The priest wasn't too happy and said numerous prayers for me. FML
Today, after Thanksgiving dinner, we all played Cards Against Humanity. On one round, I was the dealer, and I received "foreskin" as a card. When I said this, my grandmother told me that apparently, after my ritual circumcision, my grandfather buried my foreskin under our rosebushes. FML
Today, I had a terrible nightmare involving zombies slashing and eating at my face. I woke up in terror and urine, and found the slashing was very real: it was my cat pawing my face for me to feed him. FML
Today, I had a horrific nightmare where I was lost in the woods and got mauled to death by a hungry wolf. I fully blacked out in the dream before waking up in real life, at 3AM, where I found that my room was pitch black because I forgot to open the curtains. I genuinely thought I was dead for about five seconds. FML
Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML
Today, I woke up to a pile of hair on my floor. I looked in the mirror and realized the hair was from my head. I had a dream about cutting my hair and I guess it came true. FML
Today, I woke up to large spot of blood in my underwear. This wouldn't be too big a deal if I didn't have a penis. FML
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Top comments
thehumanlyhuman 7
Your foreskin was... alive? Circumcision guilt?
robbins28 7
What the hell?
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Comments (150)
katie1989 9
Its a myth that circ' is cleaner or healthier. One big fat ol' myth. please research before you blindly circ your son.
lolli_12 6
Lmao you're funnt
Andrew4263 12
WTF did I just read
TheCerealKiller 24
Weirdest FML I've ever read. Don't do drugs, kids. You'll dream about foreskins and then talk about it on the internet.
katie1989 9
Also, every mammal has a foreskin. I'm in the group that doesnt believe babies should be circ'd (awake at that!) but if an adult wants to be, so be it. Little babies need love, not surgery!
zRatio 6
I still have my foreskin
DotDootyDot 17
I get really sad whenever I read that circumcision is such a popular thing in the US. The hygiene issues of keeping the foreskin are easily handled by simply teaching boys to wash their penises more carefully, and teach that the best way to keep infections and STDs away is is by using a condom (even when they're with a trusted partner). Not to mention that the foreskin holds a lot of nerve endings that are pleasurable when stimulated, and those surgeries often cut way too much skin (damaging the penis). I had sex with both circumcised and uncircumcised men, and never had any problems with either in terms of hygiene and safety! And a penis is a penis, if you can't accept that little foreskin then you ought to learn how to appreciate peoples' bodies for what they are. This is the kind of decision parents should let their children make once they are able to do so. It's their body, and it should be them who decide what happens to it.
limabeans101029 20
I second that.
hellphone_fml 37
but its painful as a baby they dont remember it but when they are older they do
DotDootyDot 17
So you trump your child's right to decide what to do with his own body because he won't remember the pain as an infant? That's a terrible reasoning! It may hurt as an adult, but at least you have the satisfaction of knowing that you did it out of your own volition, and that you yourself weighted the pros and cons of doing it.
katie1989 9
Memory is a poor excuse. I'm sure it hurts the baby just as much as it would an adult. People have lots of awful things happen to them (date rape) that they cannot remember, that doesnt make it any better.
CrazyMelvin 14
That's sick.
ayyy_bro 26
Mmkay... Weirdo.
thisRN 5
How did this make it on here.... And. How did it turn into an actual debate. Wow.