Today, I had a nightmare in which I was haunted by the ghost of my foreskin. I then spent the whole day moping around, wondering what my life would've been like if my parents hadn't opted to slice it off. Will I see you in heaven, long-lost ghostly foreskin? FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML
Today, I had such a realistic dream that I was about to be hanged by the neck until I was dead. I was dropped through the hole and I felt the noose snap my neck at the exact moment I woke up. I ended up crying in my wife’s arms for a solid five minutes. Now I’m afraid to sleep, maybe forever. FML
Today, I woke up sweating and gasping for air after having a terrible nightmare. The nightmare involved my deceased mother-in-law bitching me out for being a bad influence on her daughter and threatening to cut my nuts off. Even in death, she won't leave me be. FML
Today, I had the last wedding meeting with my fiancé at our church. Running extremely late from my friends house I failed to notice a small penis drawn on my forehead by my friends when I fell asleep after a party. The priest wasn't too happy and said numerous prayers for me. FML
Today, after Thanksgiving dinner, we all played Cards Against Humanity. On one round, I was the dealer, and I received "foreskin" as a card. When I said this, my grandmother told me that apparently, after my ritual circumcision, my grandfather buried my foreskin under our rosebushes. FML
Today, I had a terrible nightmare involving zombies slashing and eating at my face. I woke up in terror and urine, and found the slashing was very real: it was my cat pawing my face for me to feed him. FML
Today, I had a horrific nightmare where I was lost in the woods and got mauled to death by a hungry wolf. I fully blacked out in the dream before waking up in real life, at 3AM, where I found that my room was pitch black because I forgot to open the curtains. I genuinely thought I was dead for about five seconds. FML
Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML
Today, I woke up to a pile of hair on my floor. I looked in the mirror and realized the hair was from my head. I had a dream about cutting my hair and I guess it came true. FML
Today, I woke up to large spot of blood in my underwear. This wouldn't be too big a deal if I didn't have a penis. FML
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Top comments
thehumanlyhuman 7
Your foreskin was... alive? Circumcision guilt?
robbins28 7
What the hell?
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Comments (150)
LarissaT18 18
Are you bored lol?
Jared900DUmpling 30
My name is Lol. No, I am not bored.
edanielleh 21
@ 62 He never said disgusting... try reading before commenting
flashback_fml 14
This got published? You got to be kidding me
Iamnotfat 16
Scientifically it was proven to be more beneficial if you leave it on, it keeps dirt, and helps prevent bacteria from getting in.
Jocgre 13
These FMLs are starting to get stupid.
myeviltwin 20
Ok ladies, show of hands. Who here would rather have sex with an uncircumcised man rather than a circumcised man? I'm guessing not many (if any at all). But I am interested to hear a woman's perspective on this.
lysx84 24
With circumcision being the norm in America I would assume (eek!) that most American women would find uncircumcised penises to look strange. In Britain nobody gives a shit as long as it's clean.
limabeans101029 20
Like that guy said, I don't think it would matter to me as long as it was clean. I'd say I prefer the look of uncircumcised ones but that's probably because that's what I'm used to. I think circumcision is absolutely fine... when it's on a consenting adult.
ksks1234 33
All of the guys I have dated in the past were circumcised. My guy now isn't. At first, it was kinda strange (just how it looked), but I don't even notice anymore. As far as sex goes, I cannot tell a difference. I preferred circumcised for head, but that is just because it seems cleaner.
raphanne_fml 33
#87 You say that because it is the norm where you are from, but most of Europe, Asia, Oceania, South America etc have their male population uncircumcised. For my part, as everyone said, I don't really care as long as the guy is clean.
metalcrazed 21
Rotfl,plenty of people in a lot of countries most men aren't circumsized.
nnnope 26
87 - I've been with 2 men, both circumcised (because I live in America where, for some reason, that's the norm). I'd have no issue sleeping with an uncircumcised guy, though. in fact, it'd be nice to be with a guy with parents kind enough to not have had his genitals mutilated without his consent.
Missyeru 14
I am from America, but my two roommates are from Europe, and since moving to American we all prefer circumcised men. I know I'm gonna get down voted but I personally think uncircumcised men look like ant eaters and it's quite the turn off. Both of my roommates whom have been with both type (not at the same time pervs) agree that there is no difference in vaginal sex, and one won't give a guy head if he hasn't been cut, because who knows what's under there. The other one is convinced uncircumcised men are quicker in bed, which is a turn off for her.
nyikkins 11
I prefer uncut guys as it gives me more to work with during foreplay and oral sex. Have seen a few people on here claim cut men last longer, which I have yet to experience. I've been with a guy who told me he was better in bed because he'd been circumcised, and I was completely underwhelmed for 3 minutes. So far every other guy, regardless of their foreskin situation, has lasted about the same amount of time; it's all about building stamina, rather than just not having the nerve endings.
lysx84 24
@97, I'm not a guy.
MzZombicidal 36
I read somewhere that uncircumsised penises actually provide more pleasure for women as it's more fleshy (not sure if it's true, just putting it out there). From my personal experience, I prefer uncircumsised but really why does it matter? To each their own. As long as it's taken care of. That's like asking if a man prefers all natural or clean shaven, it's personal preference.
squideth 18
I think it's baffling that women get their panties in a twist if anyone ever dares suggest that they should shave, yet they'll turn right around and call a natural penis "a turn-off", and "disgusting". If you can't handle a natural-looking penis, you really don't sound mature enough to be having sex.
raphanne_fml 33
#266 Some women. Don't go generalising half the planet.
myeviltwin 20
Ok to all who thumbed me down for asking a question. Really?????? Wow.
iplaydirty96 9
uncircumcised implies that it can be undone. Proper term is normal. or intact.
Sitting_Ducki 8
What have you been smoking before bed
Chasse_fml 5
I parted ways with mine and I can say that I don't miss it. My past lovers, and present one, are/were quite pleased with the outcome. You're better off OP. They're a hassle.
Ins0mau 20
In all my years of life, I can't ever recall a time that my foreskin was a "hassle". I imagine I'd clean myself down there either way...
Opheliae 22
I've never heard of a girl who likes foreskin. I myself prefer circumcised. But think of it this way, you're less likely to have a wide range of genital health problems now.
edanielleh 21
um, now you have heard of one
katties 27
I like foreskin too.
Beepbeep7 14
I do not prefer it.To me it just looks like it's wearing a trench coat.
limabeans101029 20
I prefer it (but that could just be because it's what I'm used to). To be honest though, it doesn't really matter. It's not like I'd break up with someone because the appearance of their penis isn't to my preference.
katie1989 9
Barely anyone in asia is circ'd and they dont have a huge penis health issue there. Its mainly a western thing. It was first used to prevent masturbation. Its purely cosmetic now. Who ever said theyd do it and let their kid skin graphed a new one is awful! It doesnt work like that...
edanielleh 21
@ 120 Thank you! I was starting to think that nobody here understands how nerves work...
metalcrazed 21
So you have never been out of the United States?
vewwe 20
Well as long as you stay in America it wont be a problem, but as soon you cross the atlantic ocean it would be harder to find a circumcised man. It's your loss!
Ins0mau 20
120 - It's NOT mainly a western thing. It's mainly an AMERICAN thing. Just ask people from U.K, Australia, Canada, Europe... Any other Western country.
katie1989 9
Who cares what it looks like, balls and vag's are ugly too. Uncirc'd men are better in bed. The foreskin helps during sex, slides (prevents drying, no lube needed) and better stimulates the clit. Ribbed condoms are designed around that fact. I am very sad that my husband is cut, and so is he. Its not the parents job to make cosmetic decisions regarding either genders genitals (female circ removes the clitoral hood, the female foreskin - yes is illegal!) in my opinion. Watch 'the elephant in the hospital' on youtube, very informative. I would never circ my son (he can do it later if he wants) because its not my penis. Watch a video of the procedure done, those poor newborns suffer a lot. Breastfeeding can even suffer because some refuse to latch due to the pain.