Today, I had a nightmare in which I was haunted by the ghost of my foreskin. I then spent the whole day moping around, wondering what my life would've been like if my parents hadn't opted to slice it off. Will I see you in heaven, long-lost ghostly foreskin? FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML
Today, I had such a realistic dream that I was about to be hanged by the neck until I was dead. I was dropped through the hole and I felt the noose snap my neck at the exact moment I woke up. I ended up crying in my wife’s arms for a solid five minutes. Now I’m afraid to sleep, maybe forever. FML
Today, I woke up sweating and gasping for air after having a terrible nightmare. The nightmare involved my deceased mother-in-law bitching me out for being a bad influence on her daughter and threatening to cut my nuts off. Even in death, she won't leave me be. FML
Today, I had the last wedding meeting with my fiancé at our church. Running extremely late from my friends house I failed to notice a small penis drawn on my forehead by my friends when I fell asleep after a party. The priest wasn't too happy and said numerous prayers for me. FML
Today, after Thanksgiving dinner, we all played Cards Against Humanity. On one round, I was the dealer, and I received "foreskin" as a card. When I said this, my grandmother told me that apparently, after my ritual circumcision, my grandfather buried my foreskin under our rosebushes. FML
Today, I had a terrible nightmare involving zombies slashing and eating at my face. I woke up in terror and urine, and found the slashing was very real: it was my cat pawing my face for me to feed him. FML
Today, I had a horrific nightmare where I was lost in the woods and got mauled to death by a hungry wolf. I fully blacked out in the dream before waking up in real life, at 3AM, where I found that my room was pitch black because I forgot to open the curtains. I genuinely thought I was dead for about five seconds. FML
Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML
Today, I woke up to a pile of hair on my floor. I looked in the mirror and realized the hair was from my head. I had a dream about cutting my hair and I guess it came true. FML
Today, I woke up to large spot of blood in my underwear. This wouldn't be too big a deal if I didn't have a penis. FML
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Top comments
thehumanlyhuman 7
Your foreskin was... alive? Circumcision guilt?
robbins28 7
What the hell?
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Comments (150)
alex_jaguara 33
Dafuq did I just read ?
Dave_Davington 33
What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip off.
Gracemonique3 18
I like how this FML was worded. On another note, chopping off parts of a babies genitals is ****** up
conman531 23
Every sentence made me scream "what the hell?"
jodyl1 5
Mutiliation is mutilation. Living near one of the universities involved in a 20 year study, I heard both sides and even get reminded of the numbers regularly. Circumcision was a practice rooted in a time when people shared bath water and bathed weekly at best, and did not use proper hygiene. Using the pull&wipe method, this has shown that those with foreskin can reduce their "risk" to the same level as those who are cut. To add insult to that injury, the 'studies' done showing circumcision is better? Dig into them. The most recent actual study done, not a rehash of someone else's dates back to 1963. Many simply reuse the old studies done. One claimed to reference a study done in 2003, but reading the original, it was merely restating one from 1974 that was originally performed in 1950-1952. 50+ years ago, before many of the medications we have today, and before wet wipes were commonly used, and before the behavior of a daily shower with soap. Shall we also go back to those times? Back when people drank radioactive water thinking it had health benefits? When people thought fat-jiggling machines made you lose weight? Can we get out of the ignorant past and look at things with real and current data like these universities have done?
maty172 14
The universities say circumcision is good, also people have told me about personal experiences about infections. Seriously, I doubt you are reading the proper journals.
dgdude101 5
What the hell is this?!
bobsanction 18
Bro, you need to see a shrink.
Ibeatmyself 3
Damn finally someone else with the same dream
wtdafuq 6
Ur such a weirdo!
brinicole333 13
What fruit are you on?!