Today, I had a nightmare in which I was haunted by the ghost of my foreskin. I then spent the whole day moping around, wondering what my life would've been like if my parents hadn't opted to slice it off. Will I see you in heaven, long-lost ghostly foreskin? FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML
Today, I had such a realistic dream that I was about to be hanged by the neck until I was dead. I was dropped through the hole and I felt the noose snap my neck at the exact moment I woke up. I ended up crying in my wife’s arms for a solid five minutes. Now I’m afraid to sleep, maybe forever. FML
Today, I woke up sweating and gasping for air after having a terrible nightmare. The nightmare involved my deceased mother-in-law bitching me out for being a bad influence on her daughter and threatening to cut my nuts off. Even in death, she won't leave me be. FML
Today, I had the last wedding meeting with my fiancé at our church. Running extremely late from my friends house I failed to notice a small penis drawn on my forehead by my friends when I fell asleep after a party. The priest wasn't too happy and said numerous prayers for me. FML
Today, after Thanksgiving dinner, we all played Cards Against Humanity. On one round, I was the dealer, and I received "foreskin" as a card. When I said this, my grandmother told me that apparently, after my ritual circumcision, my grandfather buried my foreskin under our rosebushes. FML
Today, I had a terrible nightmare involving zombies slashing and eating at my face. I woke up in terror and urine, and found the slashing was very real: it was my cat pawing my face for me to feed him. FML
Today, I had a horrific nightmare where I was lost in the woods and got mauled to death by a hungry wolf. I fully blacked out in the dream before waking up in real life, at 3AM, where I found that my room was pitch black because I forgot to open the curtains. I genuinely thought I was dead for about five seconds. FML
Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML
Today, I woke up to a pile of hair on my floor. I looked in the mirror and realized the hair was from my head. I had a dream about cutting my hair and I guess it came true. FML
Today, I woke up to large spot of blood in my underwear. This wouldn't be too big a deal if I didn't have a penis. FML
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Top comments
thehumanlyhuman 7
Your foreskin was... alive? Circumcision guilt?
robbins28 7
What the hell?
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Comments (150)
doodlebug33 20
My husband is intact and I intend for our sons to be the same. Sorry OP
Merylwen 24
Well that's your choice. I know my sons will be circumcised.
Retrokitty 9
It should only ever be the boys choice. Never the parents.
Rishima 8
How high were/are you?
kasmol 16
Of all the horrible things that occur in this world, male circumcision is far down the list. I don't recall ever having a sexual partner turn me down because of the aesthetical properties of my penis, and no relationship ever thrived or faltered because of foreskin. Other than the issue of choice, male circumcision is a largely benign procedure. As far as choice is concerned, parents make thousands of decisions for their children without their children's consent. The vast majority of those decisions have far greater consequences than the decision to circumsize. If you want to become outraged, focus on poverty, the lack of public health resources, hunger, or any of the myriad other issues in this world that actually affect a person's life.
Ins0mau 20
You can use the excuse of "there are more important things to worry about" for anything but the most amazingly horrible of things in this world. But if we did, we wouldn't make much progress, would we?
zjszott 1
... O_o
notsofriendly 17
Your life would include more penis cleaning and probably more infection. And probably more sitting around naked and bored playing with your foreskin. I don't have any opinion on circumcision, but honestly, I'm not sure you're missing much.
Ins0mau 20
I'm uncircumcised and have NEVER had an infection down there in my life. And for god's sake. A man should clean his bits circumcised or not!
ashtic 20
Honestly the way you worded that made no sense... At all...
Everyday_Galaxy 14
77-The irony of your reply. If you had read the comment above yours you would have known that they already said that.
j_cat187 19
This dude is nuts! He actually believes there is an afterlife?
skyeyez9 24
I have a question: if having a foreskin is alot more sensitive vs a circumcised penis, does that mean a guy can't last very long in bed?
Ins0mau 20
I'm uncircumcised and my girlfriend thinks I last too long, if anything. It's more a case of the individual over whether he's circumcised or not.
ImGucci 8
Whatever you were smoking pass that around