Today, I had a nightmare in which I was haunted by the ghost of my foreskin. I then spent the whole day moping around, wondering what my life would've been like if my parents hadn't opted to slice it off. Will I see you in heaven, long-lost ghostly foreskin? FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML
Today, I had such a realistic dream that I was about to be hanged by the neck until I was dead. I was dropped through the hole and I felt the noose snap my neck at the exact moment I woke up. I ended up crying in my wife’s arms for a solid five minutes. Now I’m afraid to sleep, maybe forever. FML
Today, I woke up sweating and gasping for air after having a terrible nightmare. The nightmare involved my deceased mother-in-law bitching me out for being a bad influence on her daughter and threatening to cut my nuts off. Even in death, she won't leave me be. FML
Today, I had the last wedding meeting with my fiancé at our church. Running extremely late from my friends house I failed to notice a small penis drawn on my forehead by my friends when I fell asleep after a party. The priest wasn't too happy and said numerous prayers for me. FML
Today, after Thanksgiving dinner, we all played Cards Against Humanity. On one round, I was the dealer, and I received "foreskin" as a card. When I said this, my grandmother told me that apparently, after my ritual circumcision, my grandfather buried my foreskin under our rosebushes. FML
Today, I had a terrible nightmare involving zombies slashing and eating at my face. I woke up in terror and urine, and found the slashing was very real: it was my cat pawing my face for me to feed him. FML
Today, I had a horrific nightmare where I was lost in the woods and got mauled to death by a hungry wolf. I fully blacked out in the dream before waking up in real life, at 3AM, where I found that my room was pitch black because I forgot to open the curtains. I genuinely thought I was dead for about five seconds. FML
Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML
Today, I woke up to a pile of hair on my floor. I looked in the mirror and realized the hair was from my head. I had a dream about cutting my hair and I guess it came true. FML
Today, I woke up to large spot of blood in my underwear. This wouldn't be too big a deal if I didn't have a penis. FML
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Top comments
thehumanlyhuman 7
Your foreskin was... alive? Circumcision guilt?
robbins28 7
What the hell?
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Comments (150)
Vlieto23 8
You should never post a story again.
Harrison38 5
you idiot
imwagdc 15
There is no reason to come on here and tell people who have done it that they're disgusting. So rude.
Jemm_fml 29
Indisputably the best FML I've ever read.
Nish007 15
im sure you can get a donor
IAmMe204 25
Trust me you're better of without it. Keeping it would mean thar you would be suceptible to many nore infections and diseases. You would also have to maintain the are as clean as possible (more than usual) and you would have to constantly be pulling the extra skin off.
Retrokitty 9
Men's risk of UTI goes from 2%-1% same with cancer. Women have a much higher risk of getting breast cancer, should we also remove breasts at birth? Yes it "lessons" the risk but 1% isn't worth the risk. More babies for per year through routine circumcisions than actually need them in the first place.
TheDrifter 23
Pulling the extra skin off? Ow. No. I'm not sure what diseases your speaking of that it's more susceptible to, but in over 30 years mine hasn't ever caught anything. If you meant herpes, syphilis or some such, the inch or so of foreskin is just as likely to catch it as an extra inch our so of shaft.
nnnope 26
65 - trust you? you're a (probably cis) female, and it seems you haven't a single clue what you're talking about.
KasiaLilith 13
all I can add to posta above is that if you pull the skin on a baby/child, ita like severing a nail from a finger and as pointleas aa brealing hymen on a little girl to wash her 'inside'. Penis has a natural way of cleaning itself undee the foreskin, at least till you hit puberty. Did you hear aboit girls who have to wash the vag inside to keep it clean? Me neither.
BLT10009 4
If you knew anything about medicine, you'd know better. There are some women out there who don't have the proper bacteria in their lady parts who have to constantly clean themselves out.
LacrosseFAIL 9
it only barely reduces dieses, and you end up cutting off 80-90 of your nerves, reducing how you feel in bed. plus it just looks gross, and I have never had any problems with my dick like you claim
DmundZ 4
Seek a psychiatrist please
nnnope 26
I don't know why people who try to have some respect & sympathy for infants who're incapable of consenting to the procedure, keep getting thumbed down. I agree with you. edit: 62, 16 did not use the word "disgusting." there's no reason to come on here and call people rude for things they didn't say.
thatguynow 13
What the f***
Deviety 5
You poor dear, might I suggest foreskin restoration!