Love and Intimacy: Today, it's my 2-year wedding anniversary. It also marks 2 years... - FML

By Sapphire Mills - 28/11/2018 13:30

Today, it's my 2-year wedding anniversary. It also marks 2 years since my wife told me, "We're married now we don't need to have sex anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 417

You deserved it 532

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Dementia or hate? You decide

Selfish tit

By aloha - 12/03/2010 21:17 - France

Today, I landed in Hawaii for my vacation. I have a really bad ear infection, and to top my day off, my girlfriend blurted out mid-flight that she thinks we're not going to work out. Aloha! FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 138

You deserved it 2 166

By StillFriendless - 25/11/2016 15:20

Today, I was so desperate for a friend that I posted a Craigslist ad to find one. Now my phone's filled with spam and I still don't have any friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 613

You deserved it 2 782

By UnluckyReporter - 17/02/2016 06:35 - United States - Lexington

Today, I lost control of my car on a patch of ice and slid off the road, messing up my car. I was working on a news story about bad road conditions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 194

You deserved it 2 915

Death Grips

By Anonymous - 03/03/2020 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I knew my girlfriend's dad owned a security company. What I did not know was that he treats his employees like family, so my girlfriend has about 40 scary uncles who’ve known her since she was a baby, and most of them are ex-military. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 002

You deserved it 354

By Soline - 08/12/2008 12:05 - France

Spicy

Today, I wanted to wake up my sweetheart with a surprise blowjob. He surprised me as well with a knee to the stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 114

You deserved it 8 962

By Anonymous - 01/02/2010 20:56 - United States

Today, I went outside to scrape the inch and a half of ice off my car so I could get to work. After half an hour of intense scraping, I realized that it wasn't my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 919

You deserved it 28 535

By Username - 21/08/2011 09:59 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out apparently, I have a weird looking vagina. How? My boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. He took one look at my vagina and with a look of horror said, "I have never seen one this GROSS." He's a gynecologist and probably sees 20 vaginas a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 730

You deserved it 7 877

By sissydlk - 02/12/2010 15:54 - United States

Spicy

Today, my wonderful boyfriend asked me if I wanted him to cook me scrambled eggs with sausage for breakfast. When I said yes, he pulled out his junk, and started shaking it violently in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 139

You deserved it 10 333

Leave it

By caleighrossi - 16/06/2014 00:21 - United States - Ottumwa

Today, I was working my shift at our local nursing home. I was assisting a "sweet", "innocent" 100-year-old lady, and she had a bunch of used tissues balled up in her lap, so I offered to dispose of them in the waste-basket. She told me that if I touched them, she would kill everything I love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 555

You deserved it 5 367

By Jessi - 24/07/2012 18:33 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I finally got to see my boyfriend, after two months apart. As we hugged, he lifted me up and spun me around like in the movies. It would have been really romantic if I hadn't hit a little boy while he was riding past on his bike. I've just traumatized a little kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 340

You deserved it 3 072

By em - 03/06/2009 06:50 - United States

Today, I was working and some woman wanted to pay with a credit card. It already had a picture on the card so you don't have to ask for i.d., and just glancing at it I asked, "Oh, is this your husband's card?" She then replied, "No, that's just me with glasses and short hair." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 152

You deserved it 46 581

Differences

By Anonymous - 17/06/2014 15:28 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I almost got written up for insubordination by my boss. All I did was explain to him that I couldn't help a tourist out because I speak Japanese, not Korean, and that it's not in fact "the same Asian shit" as he seemed to think. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 719

You deserved it 3 305

By stankness - 22/03/2013 15:01 - United States

Today, I had to endure a long face-to-face conversation with a coworker who had fierce BO. He had his fingers interlaced around the back of his head the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 276

You deserved it 2 776

By holywowz - 17/05/2017 18:00

Today, I went to a comedy show, expecting to feel better about a difficult relationship. Instead, I saw a performance written by the girl who loves my husband, about my husband, and how she loves him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 084

You deserved it 343

By toametru1 - 09/11/2016 07:08 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I mockingly made "President Trump" jokes all day to my friends, knowing Clinton was bound to win the election. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 119

You deserved it 8 921

By yvon la moto - 06/11/2015 10:26 - Spain - Madrid

Today, I set my car's speed to 125km/h to pass the speed camera announced by a road sign. Sure of myself, for a laugh I flipped the bird as I went by. When the flash went off, I realised that the speed limit was 110 km/h, not the usual 130 km/h. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 974

You deserved it 32 069

By Anonymous - 03/01/2014 21:50 - United Kingdom

Today, my son was playing The Sims, when I saw him remove the door to a room and set it on fire with a Sim trapped inside. I chuckled at first, until I saw that the Sim was me. Meanwhile, my wife's Sim was happily painting in the next room, not giving a crap. All too accurate, sadly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 642

You deserved it 5 478

By missmisfit - 13/06/2012 04:14 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I gave my puppy a treat for finally doing his business in the grass instead of on the patio. He later puked it up all over the patio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 974

You deserved it 3 302

Like the beginning of a porno

By Anonymous - 15/07/2020 23:01

Spicy

Today, my girlfriends dared me to answer the door naked to the cute pizza delivery guy. He laughed it off and thanked me for the awesome tip. An hour later, police arrived because my nosy, frigid, couldn’t-get-laid-in-a-brothel neighbour reported me for public indecency. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 047

You deserved it 1 185

By Selfish Whiner - 03/06/2013 11:56 - United Kingdom - Scunthorpe

Today, I started seeing a therapist for my depression. While I was looking through the magazines in the waiting room, I found an article accusing people who see therapists of being selfish and having no real problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 949

You deserved it 5 673

By Emma - 05/01/2016 03:08 - United Kingdom - Rawtenstall

Today, I had a job interview where I was asked, "Who is your best friend?" I replied truthfully, "My cat", only to then be asked what my cat would describe as my best qualities, which didn't go far beyond, "Remembering to feed him". They weren't impressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 685

You deserved it 5 450

By Anonymous - 30/05/2016 16:35 - United States - Houston

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to have some alone time under the stars. Things were getting hot and heavy in my truck bed and clothes went everywhere. After getting dressed, I felt pain. Little did I know that I threw my underwear in an ant pile. I got bit down south, a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 528

You deserved it 3 762

By Anonymous - 23/07/2016 23:04 - United States - Atlanta

Today, during a heated argument with my son, I lost my temper and called him a son of a bitch. He enthusiastically agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 843

You deserved it 19 126

By secret - 11/03/2010 05:18 - United States

Today, I found out the electric bill I have been paying was on my old house. I found this out when they shut off the power to my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 829

You deserved it 20 217

By waltzy777 - 26/04/2009 08:12 - United States

Today, we were having a family get together at my house. Because of this, i had to mow our lawn to make sure it looked nice. I got a little bored and decided it would be funny to cut a rather large penis into my yard. right when i finished, i ran out of gas. My 83 year old grandmother saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 588

You deserved it 82 927

By mountains - 19/11/2012 00:47 - United States - Pembroke

Today, I awoke in the midst of the night to find my half-naked dad drunkenly arguing with the microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 965

You deserved it 1 806

By liquidknight - 10/09/2012 12:48 - United States

Today, while trying to change my visiting cousin's opinion about our state being "redneck and white trash", we stumbled upon a proposal/celebration in a Walmart. So much for changing her opinion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 849

You deserved it 3 965

By Jennifer - 20/01/2016 19:20 - Canada - Lethbridge

Today, I was at school deleting documents I no longer needed on my school account. After clicking empty trash can, I saw a final paper on political science deleted. I'm not in political science, and I wasn't deleting files on my account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 118

You deserved it 10 618

By Th3BaconNinja - 08/06/2010 02:21 - United States

Today, I had a date with a girl at a fancy restaurant. In the middle of it she says, "Excuse me, I have to use the bathroom." I watched her get up, walk over to the door, leave, get in her car, and drive away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 917

You deserved it 5 953

By Anonymous - 03/10/2012 04:25 - Canada - Winnipeg

Spicy

Today, my husband spent our entire anniversary sulking because I wasn't up for sex. I gave birth to our first child less than two weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 706

You deserved it 6 470

By not impressed - 09/10/2015 18:27 - Canada - Nanaimo

Spicy

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He replied, dead serious, "That's nice and all, but anal speaks louder than words." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 196

You deserved it 4 574

One ring to…

By bchorror - 22/04/2020 02:00

Spicy

Today, I went to take out my NuvaRing. To my surprise, I couldn’t find it. I’ve had unprotected sex almost every day this month. I don’t know when it fell out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 894

You deserved it 1 100

By lemongrab - 18/05/2014 14:14 - Canada

Today, I was chewed out by a lady who claimed the laptop she bought wouldn't turn on, and that she wanted a refund. She yelled and shoved the laptop at me, not even listening when I told her I didn't even work at that store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 896

You deserved it 4 245

By AnonymousUser - 05/05/2012 00:01 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, feeling desperate, I asked my dad for advice on how to get a girl. He asked me why I want to even date. I panicked and said I just wanted to make someone happy. He told me that if I wanted to make someone happy, I should "just start by getting a goddamn vasectomy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 218

You deserved it 2 708

By Shelling Ford - 25/08/2015 11:55 - Germany - Munich

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I said I wouldn't find her attractive in 20 years. What I actually said was that I wouldn't sleep with her mother now, who happens to be 20 years older than her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 178

You deserved it 3 292

By sadass - 23/01/2009 12:04 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend told me that my feet smell. He was in the next room at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 911

You deserved it 8 281

By Kilania - 10/09/2019 04:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend was talking about video games. Bored of the subject, I started kissing his neck and chest in hopes of him to stop talking and getting some action. He did stop, only for him to say about a minute later, "You're lucky my games can't do this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 659

You deserved it 597

By married to a bipedal husky - 12/07/2016 21:52 - United States - Lake Butler

Today, I found out that my wife sheds worse than a husky when she showers. I've had to clean the drain before I shower or it floods the bathroom floorrrrr. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 398

You deserved it 1 197

By tarynfaye - 21/12/2011 11:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I gave each other early Christmas gifts. I gave him a basketball signed by his favorite player, which took me forever to find. He got me diet pills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 940

You deserved it 4 831

By pimpdaddyX - 22/09/2012 16:22 - Malaysia - Shah Alam

Today, trying to be smooth, I slipped the girl I like a piece of paper with my phone number written on it. A while later, she slipped it back to me and left the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 147

You deserved it 19 881

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

BurnInDemonFire 32

Send a private message

Friday 9 November 2018 18:02

She must have other amazing qualities if you're staying with her despite being refused sex. Personally, if that happened to me, she'd be out on her ass, but that's because I like sex.

Ashamed_Sister 60

Send a private message

Wednesday 28 November 2018 14:25

If you really didn't have sex the entire two years, this day should be your 23 month "anniversary" of initiating divorce proceedings. A life without sex sounds horrible.

Comments

BurnInDemonFire 32

Send a private message

Friday 9 November 2018 18:02

She must have other amazing qualities if you're staying with her despite being refused sex. Personally, if that happened to me, she'd be out on her ass, but that's because I like sex.

Lukr 8

Send a private message

Wednesday 28 November 2018 13:35

Women: No more sex Men: *cheat* Women <surprised pikachu>

Lukr 8

Send a private message

Wednesday 28 November 2018 13:36

*insert surprised pikachu*

Phillycheeze 20

Send a private message

Wednesday 28 November 2018 13:50

Marriage is the leading cause of divorce. Dump that bitch.

Ashamed_Sister 60

Send a private message

Wednesday 28 November 2018 14:25

If you really didn't have sex the entire two years, this day should be your 23 month "anniversary" of initiating divorce proceedings. A life without sex sounds horrible.

Send a private message

Wednesday 28 November 2018 20:57

It's only bad the first year, after that a person just kinda goes numb and doesn't care anymore.

davek 36

Send a private message

Wednesday 28 November 2018 21:27

Non-consummation is grounds for annulment in a lot of jurisdictions, check that out before going for divorce

Send a private message

Friday 30 November 2018 15:12

I would do the same damn thing... When I was with my ex, after a while of being together she started not wanting sex as often... She said the beginning is the ‘honeymoon phase’ we’ll we didn’t work out & that’s why she’s now my ex... On to the next!!!

Send a private message

Wednesday 28 November 2018 14:33

Sorry to hear man. I don't know how much stuff you have, but it might be worth losing half.

Send a private message

Wednesday 28 November 2018 15:09

divorce her

onceuponatime456 16

Send a private message

Wednesday 28 November 2018 16:14

Can you please explain why you are still married AND why the hell you did not tell her two years ago that the marriage is over? FFS grow a set you pussy!

roguespartan113 15

Send a private message

Tuesday 18 December 2018 1:15

Maybe he’s a guy who likes cuddles maybe he just wants to be with her me i like cuddles more than sex

Send a private message

Wednesday 28 November 2018 17:08

Why did you stay with her?

Warmonger_Smurf 29

Send a private message

Saturday 1 December 2018 23:39

Because finding a lady interested in marriage is difficult.

Send a private message

Sunday 2 December 2018 18:18

That's not a marriage. It's a roommate. Finding a roommate isn't so hard.

VanTufty 13

Wednesday 28 November 2018 17:45

Mate I feel your pain. My wife has the same mentality although I’ve been married a year...

WHSKitty4ever 23

Send a private message

Wednesday 28 November 2018 18:19

Is she getting it elsewhere?

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 47

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I had a horrible date with this guy I’ve been seeing. He wanted me to give it up, but I wasn’t ready, so he dumped me on the spot. I went home crying to my mother and her response was, “Stop being such a prude! What are you? Ten? Grow the fuck up!” Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 175

Today, my wife and I had arranged a threesome with a guy, but I was late home so they “had the threesome without me.” It’s not cheating, because I obviously knew she was going to have sex with him during the threesome, but me not being there makes me mad and I can’t coherently explain why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 123

You deserved it 1 405