Today, my wife and I were watching a football game. While someone was about to score, she started screaming, "Go!" and "Come on! You can do it! Go baby, go!" My first thought was that I wished I could still make her scream like that. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I went to my son's soccer game. I cheered his name at the top my lungs and waved with a grin on my face. I saw him whisper something to a team mate so I watched the film my husband took later that night. His friend asked, "Who is that?" and my son replied, "I don't know some fat bitch." FML
Today, for once, I managed to get my boyfriend's mind off the hockey game. I muted the TV and cuddled up to him. Only thirty seconds into snuggling, he shoved me onto the floor and screamed, "GOAL!" FML
Today, the TV was blaring, the kids were yelling, and my wife was blabbering on in my ear. Overwhelmed, I shouted, "EVERYONE QUIET!" I got a second of blessed silence before my kids started screaming and crying, and my wife threw a tantrum, saying, "I married a psycho!" FML
Today, my wife and I were having amazing make up sex after several months of painful separation. Halfway through, she screamed for me to stop, climbed off the bed, and ran into the bathroom. She spent an hour screaming and crying, then came out and emotionlessly told me to leave. FML
Today, I thought it would be romantic to propose to my girlfriend during halftime at a local football game. I arranged everything with the stadium staff. When the moment came, I got down on one knee, only for her to hiss, "Are you serious? Right here?" She ran off, leaving me kneeling in front of hundreds of people. FML
Today, an attractive woman looked in my direction and smiled. My wife saw this and stomped on my foot, and I screamed like a little girl from the pain. People turned and stared. FML
Today, while at a football game, I had my arm around my girlfriend. We were really close and I was just about to kiss her when suddenly her phone rang. It was her dad, telling her he's watching. FML
Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She promptly had a panic attack and screamed, "No!" FML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She was so happy that she began flapping her hands around and screaming. She was flapping her hands so hard she smacked herself in the face and started crying. FML
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Top comments
EvilLittleMan 23
OP, I think your wife has benched you.
Pleonasm 35
Look, it's not about how well you score, it's about how much of a team player you are.
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Comments (63)
Kukurugya 11
Pelvic thrust!!
Enslaved 36
But it's the pelvic thrust That really drives you insane. Let's do the time-warp again.
RedPillSucks 31
Tune the TV to the game during sex. Make sure to time your climax to the rush for the goal. OP: uhhhh, uuuhhhh! Wife: come on! You can do it! Yeahhhhhh!
siddp 2
watch the game while having sex
abbey728 16
Go go go! You can do it! Oops, I meant her...
mosquito19 14
i definitely don't want to hear “ come on! you can do it! " during sex.
6FootUnder 11
Agreed haha.
brandoneyez1 25
Sounds like she wears the pants. She knows football and sounds like you don't.
TheCrispyCat 20
It's a contract year, OP.
skipper2009 18
Do something different instead of the same old boring crap. Sheesh I don't feel sorry for you morons that think going in and out is going to please a woman.
swick25 22
Easy there skipper!!!!! You don't know there reasons why their sex life has been dull lately.
perdix 29
If you want your wife to be as quiet and gloomy in front of the TV as she is in the sack, become a fan of the Redskins or the Texans. Yeah, my two teams :(
rdenkewicz 11
What kind of football is on a Monday during playoff season?