Today, my wife and I were watching a football game. While someone was about to score, she started screaming, "Go!" and "Come on! You can do it! Go baby, go!" My first thought was that I wished I could still make her scream like that. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I went to my son's soccer game. I cheered his name at the top my lungs and waved with a grin on my face. I saw him whisper something to a team mate so I watched the film my husband took later that night. His friend asked, "Who is that?" and my son replied, "I don't know some fat bitch." FML
Today, for once, I managed to get my boyfriend's mind off the hockey game. I muted the TV and cuddled up to him. Only thirty seconds into snuggling, he shoved me onto the floor and screamed, "GOAL!" FML
Today, the TV was blaring, the kids were yelling, and my wife was blabbering on in my ear. Overwhelmed, I shouted, "EVERYONE QUIET!" I got a second of blessed silence before my kids started screaming and crying, and my wife threw a tantrum, saying, "I married a psycho!" FML
Today, my wife and I were having amazing make up sex after several months of painful separation. Halfway through, she screamed for me to stop, climbed off the bed, and ran into the bathroom. She spent an hour screaming and crying, then came out and emotionlessly told me to leave. FML
Today, I thought it would be romantic to propose to my girlfriend during halftime at a local football game. I arranged everything with the stadium staff. When the moment came, I got down on one knee, only for her to hiss, "Are you serious? Right here?" She ran off, leaving me kneeling in front of hundreds of people. FML
Today, an attractive woman looked in my direction and smiled. My wife saw this and stomped on my foot, and I screamed like a little girl from the pain. People turned and stared. FML
Today, while at a football game, I had my arm around my girlfriend. We were really close and I was just about to kiss her when suddenly her phone rang. It was her dad, telling her he's watching. FML
Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She promptly had a panic attack and screamed, "No!" FML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She was so happy that she began flapping her hands around and screaming. She was flapping her hands so hard she smacked herself in the face and started crying. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
EvilLittleMan 23
OP, I think your wife has benched you.
Pleonasm 35
Look, it's not about how well you score, it's about how much of a team player you are.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (63)
hazardmuffin 21
Then stop wishing and talk to your wife. If she doesn't enjoy sex as much as she used to, ask her what you're doing wrong/not doing and how you can fix it. It's THAT EASY.
josefr 1
is score even a proper American football term? I feel like he is referencing soccer
Ziggy122 15
Uh... yeah, I think so. When you earn points for your team, be it a touchdown or field goal or whatever, you score.
ziya1999 12
No way you could compete with those football players. Try something new though.
mxij 13
Don't we all, OP, don't we all
coxenator1105 9
Haha...poor you :(
buttcramp 21
try some things in bed you've never done before. it doesn't have to be crazy or kinky or even involve toys to be new and exciting!
AlexRen 21
Time for some new tips, and tricks in the bedroom.
mageepaigeee44 15
When my boyfriend sees a car he likes, he makes the same noise of approval as he does when he see's me naked. I think that's a good thing but I'm not sure.
paramorevfan 15
I have a really eerie feeling that my dad posted this...that's exactly what my mom yells when she watches football and that's where we live...
commandercolbert 6
maybe you drink too much?