Sex, Creepy, Wanker, Spiders and Intimacy: Love is love

Love is love

By SpiderMan - 12/03/2009 00:23 - United States

Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor… and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 465

You deserved it 106 794

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Same thing different taste

Troubling

By Anonymous - 15/12/2010 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, whilst pleasuring myself in my bedroom, I began absent-mindedly staring at a spider on the ceiling. It wasn't until the point of climax that I realised that I was, in effect, masturbating over a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 475

You deserved it 23 274

Hey there little buddy

By Anonymous - 07/02/2023 01:00 - Finland

Today, I was in my bed masturbating when I felt something on my chest. I looked down to see a spider running around. I'm super scared of spiders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 231

By yuckspider - 20/04/2009 00:17 - United States

Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 316

You deserved it 7 643

By Anonymous - 05/09/2015 02:22 - United States - Purchase

Today, I was having a relaxing "wank", as they might say on Doctor Who, when a large spider descended from its web and came practically eye-to-eye with me. I screamed like a bitch and fell off my bed, pants around my ankles. Then my sister ran in to see what was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 595

You deserved it 9 159

By jrocks - 19/05/2009 17:06 - United States

Today, as I was watching a DVD, I noticed a spider crawling on my crotch area. So, I panicked and smashed the spider, smashing my nuts in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 880

You deserved it 70 616

By dickwebs - 22/11/2010 03:42 - Germany

Today, I was taking off my underwear to change into fresh clothes. Pulling them down, I realize there's a big fat spider in them. Not only did I have a spider chilling with my genitals the whole day, but I'm deathly afraid of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 966

You deserved it 5 232

By jillydark6609 - 19/09/2010 06:21 - United States

Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 284

You deserved it 14 256

By thatsnotacat - 21/11/2013 17:52 - Australia - West End

Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 516

You deserved it 3 355

By Arachnaphobic - 22/11/2009 08:35 - United States

Today, when putting something away on a high shelf, something small and black fell down my cleavage. I thought nothing of it and finished the task at hand. When I pulled out the neck of my shirt later to find it and looked down, glaring up at me from my boobs was a large, disgruntled spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 263

You deserved it 4 782

Been here long?

By Anonymous - 14/10/2022 14:00

Today, while I was working from home on my laptop and had my feet up on the coffee table, I felt something on my foot. I looked down to see a spider the size of a quarter on top of my bare foot. It started doing something so I froze, hoping it wouldn't bite me. Instead, it anchored the start of its web to my skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 910

You deserved it 144

btopishere 1

Thursday 12 March 2009 9:11

That's how Peter Parker was created.

Crudez0rz 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 9:08

Who the **** masturbates into a sock?!?! hahaha

Comments

broken_lungs 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 22:28

AH that sucks dude. Make sure it didn't bite you. Because that would suck worse.

ElleEnvy 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 22:28

Clean your room more often or wash your socks more often. Wouldn't you like check first to make sure there wasn't like something else in the sock? Yeah it would have sucked more if it bit you but thankfully it didn't

ElleEnvy 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 22:34

lmao @ 19 21 38 60

choppedNskrewed 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 22:41

LMAO best comments ever! 4 19 21 37 42 loll

Jessica19374698 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 22:44

Okay, for one, a Fleshlight is a sex toy that replicates a ******, not a flashlight that... lights up the penis. Second of all, a sock creates easy cleanup; I could understand why OP did that. Third: WHAT THE ****? A spider? This is why I'm super paranoid. I check everything for anything. You might want to start doing the same. Silver lining: At least you didn't get bitten on the head, eh?

Sexncodeinex 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 22:54

lmfao thats nasty

xania_fml 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 22:54

19 FTW

isantorin 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 23:41

aracnophilia is nothing new kids, welcome to the internet. Leave your all your delicate sensibilities at the door. :P

vvtumblesbee 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 23:57

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA the fml was awesome but the comments made me laugh so hard my stomach hurt. and i'm glad #33 noticed the same thing i did; the rhyming sentence made me giggle too.