Today, as always, my boyfriend has the ability to pop his eyeballs out of his eye sockets. He thought it'd be funny for me to wake up face-to-face with the disgusting sight. The shit in my bowels did an early Thanksgiving Day parade straight into my underwear. FML
Collection
College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, I woke up with the worst vaginal itching and swelling. I then find out it was brought on by my boyfriend's cheap brand of toilet paper. FML
Today, I was sitting on the toilet, pregnant as ever, and really sick. I asked my fiancé to bring me a pair of clean underwear. He did so and brought me some lacy underwear. They weren't mine. FML
Today, I was in the bathroom stall when a man made eye-contact with me through the crack in the door. I quickly looked away, but about a minute later I looked back to see if he was gone. He was still there and was actually trying to keep making eye-contact with me while I pooped. FML
Today, while on a date with my boyfriend, he broke up with me. The reason why? Because I took a dump in his bathroom and "that's inappropriate for girls." FML
Today, my future father-in-law showed everyone a picture of his poop because it was "shaped like a banana." My fiancé's whole family thought it was funny and "looked more like a banana than last time." FML
Today, my husband and I woke up to see my drunk mother passed out on our couch. She was wearing nothing but socks. FML
Today, I was in the toilet. Some idiots thought it was funny to throw a water balloon into the cubicle. The balloon didn't pop, but fell in the toilet, sending my own urine onto my shorts. I had 4 hours left of school. FML
Today, while I was removing my makeup with my boyfriend watching, he mentioned that he used to think girls were prettier without makeup on, but he'd now changed his mind. FML
Today, my mother told my boyfriend a cute story about me when I was little. The one where my cousin and I were caught pooping in a urinal in the church basement. FML
Today, my husband recorded me getting out of bed and sleepwalking all the way into the backyard and straight into our pool. He was too busy giggling like a schoolgirl to help me out. FML
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Top comments
Cazz91 21
I bet that was quite an eye catching sight to see.
DocBastard 40
You should sell your boyfriend to the circus. Not because of his crazy eyeball trick, but just so you can get rid of the idiot.
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Comments (114)
caver1 14
Second movement
Gho5tk3y 17
What the ****?! That's weird and wrong on several levels.
Kkkdawg 27
How do you even figure out that you can do that? Do you just think to yourself "let's just try some weird shit and see if it works/doesn't kill me"?
Enslaved 38
Maybe in the past he sneezed with his eyes open and then *pop*? I tried to do it just to see what would happen but can't. I always end up closing my eyes. -.-
falon142012 22
That's because it's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. Or so I've always been told.
kozzard 17
not impossible but really hard mythbusters did an episode on it
JustinKirby 20
That's eye popping! I'm not good with these puns :/
beaverteaser 16
man I would love to be able to do that. that way when a girl says ( I'm up here) boom pop them eyes out
skate2125 4
That's pretty early. :P
UsernameTaken14 18
Not trying to sound dumb... But what exactly does "OP" mean? I see it a lot and I was just wondering. Thanks!
luckyone365 7
ominous poptarts
tipsy2013 24
original poster
Ambient25 25
Obnoxious Penguin
perdix 31
Ocean Pacific
B5B0N35 18
Over Powered
tiernang 21
obvious poopstain
apu_nahasapeemap 10
offensive puke
xxsakuraxx 29
**rolls*eyes** It means original poster.
calbiasso 12
Octopus parade
Bentonic 11
Opioid Problems Oh Poop On Psychotropics Old Parents Overdone Pickles
deathy94 14
Overcooked Penis
Googolman 29
I don't understand why the people who actually try to help always get thumbed down. Sure, one can simply look it up on Google, but that's no reason to be immature and give out false/foolish answers.
FloMarDee 19
I agree... I don't get that either
ChevyRedneck85 13
#95 & #100 go to Wal-Mart an buy a sense of humor
worldclassrager 41
That's not right...he'll probably pay for it later if he does this so much...
buckdharma 38
Jeepers creepers where'd he get those peepers? Gosh all, git up, how'd you get the shit up?
Haduken 16
No one better make that ******* joke